Chapter 1 : Meditation

Hi there,

My intention to go for a two month journey

Was to develop intensive meditation.

For 10min of meditation a day is not efficient in itself.

As Shri Mataji said in her early talks, which are the best as a guidelines to grow

You need to get up at 4am and meditate at least an hour.

Goal is not vibrations, but Spirit.

Vibrations are the boat leading your personality to get integrated in the spirit.

Getting dissolved in it, if i use correct term.

So the more petals are open,

The more vibes will flow of course.

When petals open more,

It means we get less and less identified with our thoughts

And then bingo,

We are more in touch / identified with our spirit.

Which is pure light but covered with thought forms.

The process is that the more we meditate/i.e. stay with attention undisturbed on the cool breeze

WHEREVER we feel it (means not only sahasrara)

The more our channels get purified

And like for a motorway energy can pass through and cross agnya

And we are thus PURIFIED from thoughts identification.

That is for the process and how it worked.

Therefore my two month intensive meditation is a success !:)

For my aim was not only to use collective to meditate more

For it suffices that i be on my own, that it becomes heavy to get up at 4am

Which means that at some point some individual /personal effort is needed

Without which we cannot enact our pure desire for God.

Unless there be this personal routine established 

Or call it intensity

There cannot be breakthrough or progress

As i understood so far.

First two weeks, i was in central France, must say early meditation was not that early

It was just collective meditation that i joined at 7am.

Lol i tried to get up earlier but was impossible due to our 3am sleeping time

Jesus though it was fun, i was appalled !

And was in deep sleep deprivation.

Once i arrived in Italy, first month, i took part in collective meditation, 7am too.

There vibes were definitely stronger due to the quality of the yogis there.

Still, i could not get up earlier than 6am.

So i could at times meditate 1h before the collective one, as a personal meditation

And do the walking cycles/meditation.

Once my friends were all gone, i shifted to a castle and from there as i was more on my own,

I started to meditate at 4h30.

And it lasted till the end of my stay.

Would you like to hear a funny story :

When i was meditating the first night,

A Spanish lady which came recently, asked me how come so many alarms rang during the night

Lol so i told her,

It was my try to get up and meditate early.

She is a sort of collective type lady, who likes to harmonise things

So she said but this can t do,

That everyone got up at different time

LOL innerly i exploded in laughers

Who are you to tell me at what time i should get up for MY individual meditation ?

Anyway, she wished to join

Which was a good decision

As long as she prevented me not to wake up early.

Day after, we meditate together.

Then, it occurred to her, we can ask the girls dorm to join us for morning meditation

So i invited them all, some were from Belgium other from china.

Let me  tell you Chinese people have great stamina for meditation and devotion

For i often saw them regularly meditating throughout the day

And even at night, ESPECIALLY when they came back late.

One girl got a sort of heart attack

When i announced 430 ! lol

She could not make it

So we meditated all at this time

Next day she joined us.

A friend told me

To help them to increase their vibes

So i wanted in a few words next day

Tell my method to apply some cycles on their different chakras

So that their vibes increase

Of course one of the Chinese woman,

The one who could not possibly get up at 430

And was up thanks to me

Turned her back on me

Not to listen 

for she wanted to stay in silence

Such rudeness !

of course, we gonna meditate 

in silence

i just meant to give 1min indication for HER OWN good!

not forgetting, that i could have remained by myself on my own

to meditate in SHEER silence

without them

YET i DID invite them (see! :) grammar mistake this time;) )

so it is not me who was going to "disturb" their hardly earned 

meditation time!

I felt really heartbroken

That not only i do them good, but not thanking is one thing

But displaying rudeness is another.

So i left them all meditating downstairs

And i went upstairs to meditate on my own.

Yes, so far i had noted that when i meditated on my own

my vibes were strong and i felt good.

Since i started this collective meditation at 430, i had a heartache

So i needed to stay longer with attention on heart.

Therefore, i learned that i was purifying them.

I wondered what is the point, especially when people know it not

And add rudeness to ungratefulness.

A friend told me, that it makes spirit happy.

Anyway, once i was over with my anger,

I wished to have a new group of meditation

Who would like to learn my method and where i could meditate longer as i wish.

Yes it is important to wish,

And it is important not to suppress anger, and

It is all the more important NOT to linger on it.

These are three rules i learned and applied during my stay,

And have lots of anecdotes about them. And how it works out.

So for next post.

Anyway, that day when i meditated on my own upstairs,

I did not see time passing,

I started at 430 and when people started to enter the meditation room,

For the collective one, i realised it was 730 !

So happy i felt !

I did not see time pass,

It was also due to the new music track i got,

Such a beautiful one, i could meditate non stop thanks to it.

A 20min track, repeat it 3 times, and one hour is gone !

So i did probably 1h walking combined with 1h sitting, and 1h sitting in silence without music.

Later on, when people asked and i told them,

Those downstairs wanted to join and the guys which are sleeping upstairs, half of them too

Wanted to join J !

So happy i was, there i had a new meditation group !

So next day we meditated all together

Most of them meditated 1h others a bit more.

So i felt happy that half of castle residents meditated that early.

I had met a french guy who was really happy to hear about this new method of walking meditation

For he was enthused about the increased of vibes

He shared with me too that he had met an Indian guy

Who sort of also develop a method, as he was aiming to increase vibes rate in body

And talked of it to Shri Mataji,

Who validated it

And advised him not to advertise it to other yogis

Except those who are ready.

Hmm, there i realised

Even among those who meditate

Only a few seek for a breakthrough

Others have a faint desire to progress.

Anyway, i might get in touch with this Indian guy

And see, for i am curious.

Who knows,

I feel like travelling a lot next year,

Say

India,

Japan

Canada

Egypt

Yeah !

After the castle, i moved to a camp in the mountains,

There we were only two to meditate at 430.

The second person, was a youngster of 17 J

He was already meditating in the castle with me,

And if one day i missed meditation, for i was sick that day,

The next day, he would come and enquire why i came not J

Ah i really loved that guy,

For his early morning dedication

Imagine he was the only one to meditate that early out of the 60 people in the camp !

Desire, maturity and aim is not the same by the yogis.

All do not remain seeker of truth, truly.

So i went on with this 430 meditation once back in the village,

But he could no longer

For he used to sleep in a tent in the forest,

Which makes things not in favor of early meditation in a hanger ! lol

Still i remain proud of him.

And happy.

So i went on once back down in the village,

With my 430 meditation

Quality i feel had dropped a bit.

In terms of combining meditation.

In the castle, i systematically

Did the walking+sitting with and then without music.

In the hangar, due to the atmosphere,

Lack of light and cold i guess

And also the fact that it is a dormitory + meditation room

I only and mainly did the walking meditation.

By the end of my stay i can say i succeeded to do a whole month intensive meditation

As i call it !:)

Here is my formidable beautiful meditation music

Upon which i used to meditate J

Kiss :x

PS : effect of meditation ?

I felt and also got this comment,

That my heart opened more.

May be when i was purifying the others

And had heartache, it purified my heart and opened it !

Hence when one told me spirit would be happy,

Literally speaking my heart opened J

When i purified others ?:)

Second,

An English lady who had met me a month before,

When she saw me back in the village

She literally stopped me

Took me by the shoulders

And looked into my eyes

And said

« your eyes have changed. You have something of Ganesha/ say Innocence in it »

Best thing is to hear change from people

As we ourselves do not realise it

And once we hear it

It means it is true !

For the Energy is a transformative energy !

And i feel for the lady managing the camp,

She used to criticise the 17 year old guy,

Without knowing that me too i meditated that early

For i kept it secret

As i know if people have no interest in meditation

What’s the use to draw their attention on it.

Somehow she learned about the youngster meditating that early

And reproached him of not being collective !

JESUS !

This is how people justify their jealousy,

And how they like to boss others around

Without bossing themselves around,

Get a hold of your OWN meditation, of your OWN attention

And THEN you can play by teasing people in a light way

But here it was not even teasing,

It was pure silly judgemental conceptualised behavior

About WHAT a collectivity SHOULD BE !

Collectivity is a NATURAL SPONTANEOUS OUTCOME

Of people living together

It is NOT something forced upon

And certainly NOT something that mind can SHAPE through judgement.

Though i have wisdom,

I lack words on the spot

To tell people what i think

May be because i am artificially conditioned to respect their egos

But it won t last long,

This behavior of mine,

For i noted during my stay

How people, who mostly follow their ego, even though yogis,

Are in a position of abusing those who are lenient and kind.

I gotta chisel their ego a bit

Next time !:)

*****Too long process to upload mp3 file 

for now

will try later*****

I AM BACK!

I need to gather myself to write down all of my impressions
since my two month trip away from Paris
dedicated to meditation and some fun.


much is to say :

about the quality of meditation i had
the nature (hills, sun and forest) itself
the pictures i took - i need definitely to post them
so many beautiful pictures, i never had taken so much "miraculously beautiful pictures" all in a row!

about the rare sanity and kindness i encountered by "yogis"

and the huge amount of INSANITY i experienced with them
first hand experience is the best thing ever!


i have been told
Shri Mataji said
among all yogi gathered 50 out of 100 should not be there
25 out of 50 does not know why they are there
and the rest is real seeker of truth

something along those lines

so, i also realised
that it is impossible for most of them
to love others
for themselves they do not love their spirit
only their ego

so they don't know what is love
they only know about infatuation
thinking it is love.

and if someone loves them
they believe they are being -like them- infatuated!

lol should i list all types of insanity i experienced
done that way would be real fun to recall it

for at times i real wished to cry
given the heavy heart i had
as if i was discovering human being for the first time
true, it felt like i came out of a cave
to study what a human being nature is.

PS :
this is ego insanity i talked of,
of course i am not going to love that lol

but i do love them
for their spirit inside.

For if i criticise
it is natural, i am a human being
and in my world, there are things that fits not

therefore, 
i will observe and write down what i like not
YET
as AIM is to TRANSFORM what i like NOT
i will then FORGIVE
for the mistake is NOT to criticise
but to LINGER and get STUCK in criticism.

hence :

both must be there..seeing ,, (the defect)
and then,
,,acceptance,,..and ,,forgiveness,,.,,and love.


which makes us
progress
after having recognised
what the issue is.

key is not to linger
observe what we like not
accept it - ok it is the ego
and let it go, by entrusting it to the Energy of Love
so that She transforms it

and we go back,
more integrated in the spirit.

kiss:x

some good realisation during my journey

here are some realisations i got

of course they are alive and bear meaning to me
for i realised them on the spot
so might not for you, the reader

yet i write them for my own sake
to remember :


when you are your own guru
or can use power (more consciously)
means not that you are god
but it means you realise that God is within you.

lol i write that
for my friends made this kind of reflection to me
do you think you are God?

so no
i am not God
but God is within me

i took part in the Art Academy
and learned the couple created the TEV theatre plateforme
which somehow led to this academy

within 10 days i learned to dance and sing
and could take part in a professional production
that my group and i were proud of

therefore i thanked the lady for having set up this art academy
and also
above all it is because she had a dream
and she lived it
and by doing so

she allowed us
to take part in her dream

it is like when you do what you like
you realise your dream
and as an automatic immediate effect
this allows others to have a share in your dream
in your joy

therefore you do no effort to share joy
but only by being yourself
by living out your dream
you allow others to share in your joy
without effort

so be yourself!

so again TEV
thank you
for by living your dream
you automatically shared joy with us
and that is real sharing


living your dream
means sharing automatically
that is how in one moment
there is oneness
though many people.
so goal is to see it
to see this oneness

and it is all the more easier
when you gain heights
like from an airplane you can see whole city at once
but in train you won t have same vision at once
only a limited one
for your vision would be linear


so you should grow enough
to be able to see it
to englobe it from above
thus to see all from that plane
one city
at once
we are one

it is indeed all about growth
for the same stuff that use to upset us when a child
don t do anymore once we are grown up

..............

if you don't have it in the heart
you can't make it happen outside.
...............

deepness of attention combined with heights of spirituality

this is one sentence said as an introduction
to the musical recital

i think i was half sleeping
when i realised it
so much that i could literally feel it being true

actually i saw an Alif
it is the arabic letter which is like this

so i realised the deepness of attention was as far as one could go to the bottom
and heights of spirituality as far as one could go above
both at the same time aligned gave me his Alif
which actually represents oneness
which is itself a dot which has been elongated.

...........

all the tests you got
is to let you know you are the pure beauty of awareness inside
you are the source of creation
so INTEND and create
everyone creates
it is just that creating in all consciousness
bears more joy
as you know you are your own master
and not dependent upon circumstances

then,
when it happens you know it is the Universe
that allowed it
and you thank it

for thanking it
means you appreciated
means you recognised
your own desire
taking place outside.

so be grateful to yourself
and God will be grateful to you.

this is why unless you have this appreciation
for yourself
inside you already
you can't see it happening outside of you.

Meditation Journey

i got lots of nice experiences 

since i started my trip out of paris 

first we went to central france 

la chaise dieu is the name of the place

then i arrived to cabella in Italy.

if i don t look at my notes

and just rely on my memory for the intense moments

i would say that i learned that experiences 

help us to build our souls

so without experiences we have not lived life

my friends in this regards is an amazing soul builder

even though she knows not english or italian 

she gets each time what she has set herself as a goal 

she amazes me in this regard.

her strong qualities that i loved :

she knows what she wants in the moment

she does it

clearly remembering her goal 

not forgetting it or diluting it or losing it for someone else s desire, or lack of help

amazing girl she is 

in this regards she is a great soul builder

the limit of it 

is when you built your kingdom

you forget to remember your source

in this regards 

i have a great inner helper 

who tells me when i forget my ultimate aim 

which is to KNOW that i am the BEAUTY inside 

i.e. the pure awareness within

the realisation that i am the source of the creation all around me

this is the goal towards which i should aim

for i met yogis that by rank/social ties are considered highly realised to the masses let s say

and i learned they are not even realised in truth

shocking !

why? 

because they do not cultivate

and true when i looked at their face 

they appeared dead to me 

i was shocked 

how come within two years they lost so much of their light

i can t believe it

others i learned their shield is so widespread that 

one can call them as highly realised people

but even a highly realised person can become lost 

this too is shocking to me

why ?

because each time we think we arrived

that's it i got it!

as my friends would say 

'i got God by its balls' lol

this is when you would start your loss

loss of what ?

of knowing you are the source of the creation around you

that you are this pure awareness

therefore 

though highly realised this lady's progress towards this goal is impaired

for she thinks that she arrived to bliss

while in heaven there are many other levels of bliss

and one can never be stable in bliss either we progress till we know it is truth

or we regress

even if we are highly realised 

for only decision in the present counts and determine our sailing

therefore i learned 

that to protect such people who lost their aim 

by getting deluded to their arrival

they experience trauma in life 

like by the loss of what is dear to them

for this loss 

make them suffer

and until there is not suffering 

one does not realise that there are higher level of bliss

so if there is suffering 

then we have not yet arrived

to the pure bliss within.

therefore suffering is the indication

that one has not yet arrived to the pure bliss of the self inside

the pure bliss within of the awareness that we are the creators.

arrived to her true self 

which is pure bliss inside

well i write this 

as my inner learning taught it to me

but i have not yet arrived 

i can only progress if i do 

each morning my two hours of walking meditation 

which helps to open more petals

so why in cabella i feel so good?

it is associating a place to God that to think it is due to the place

the mecanism is so

the place is blessed because of is highly advanced yogi

who as a collective help me to get purified 

but they are not the source

the source is within me

and unless and until i find it 

i only sail to some levels of bliss 

that s all

but main point is not to mix up Source with the collectivity

the latter is a support to realise, self realise, innerly realise the former.

i experienced of course miracles during my stay 

for i wished for them

hence the importance of being our own master

what does it mean?

it means to use our strong pure intent 

once we intent it 

the power within us make it happens according to the right timing of God

by memory

one of my intent was to find something valuable

and the next day when i was not feeling well

i found a metal pendent with shri mataji face

very symbolic

that is valuable finding of my life indeed
that that which of the Divine Mother Within awakened :)

another day i was going for dinner

and on my way i clearly knew what i wished 

and that is to have a nice comfy place to stay 

for i had enough of camping and tent and so on

and right two minutes later 

a nice lady offered me to stay in her house for a week 

for she will go to her city 

hmm later i learned she did it on purpose for me to stay in her place 

so kind of her

i love her for her genuine empathy 

and also precise intuition

i learned that a camping oven would be a best gift to give her

but in this village not sure to find one

second choice is a rose plant

this i will offer her

what else 

how could i forget 

the miracle of the miracle 

my pic!

my friends and i were arguing on my changed ways 

for she found me too much speedy among other things

i told her it is normal

it is the place which purifies us from our imbalances

it is like a lake where you throw a stone 

and the muds come up

so you need to let it go

not to oppose it nor to soften it

just to let it appear on the surface and let it go 

like for meditation

lol her attention span is so short 

that she did not get it i am sure

anyway later on 

on the feel 

i asked her to take a pic of me 

so that i send it to my annoying fiance 

who is getting so much erratic in his organisation

that i wish to punch him in the face at times;)

and what happen is 

that on the pic 

we saw light coming out of my belly 

like a sun rays coming out of the nabhi

which is the center of self mastery

so the pic was so well timed

it showed us that i was using my guru principle 

lol

i got congrats for having become a guru lol

official diploma in hands

now how i use it

this is my new challenge

let s see

hmm

i wish for red flowers

a purple sari 

with gold embroidery

for a nice true meeting with a few new friends 

who be sincere in their meditation

i wish we may meditate together every morning earnestly

hmm

i wish for getting rich and buy this new house  to my parents 

lol 

they will realise that i could do it

so far they think i can only fit in their conditioned programming 

of housechores and limited life of a woman as they had been taught by their culture and society around them

let s see how i shatter their world 

for the best!

hmm

i wish to do celtic dance

so annoying! many times they did it !

during the festival of the spirit here in cabella

but gosh i missed it each time!

oh yes i want to do stick dance too!

lol

i took part in the Art Academy

i did indian fusion dance - contemporary dance it is

wow i loved it 

people thought i used to do dance

but it was my first time

hmm apparently i m gifted at learning things first hand

oh yeah my teacher said i was gracious 

you will see the music is just beautiful 

ah jesus 

one thing i won t regret from all my trips 

it is BEES!

they keep doing even now 

des raides aerien on my face!

how you say it in english 

please use google translator lol

i did also sufi qawali

to be honest i was expecting more

and i guess i am very much passionate

for all of this sufficed me not

i need a new teacher once i come back in paris 

that is my desire

hmm sitar is so beautiful

but i must admit

it makes me sleep in its start

for i learned it is an instrument which brings you in meditation

you should have seen me

half sleeping half in meditation

jesus so much torturing!

except for the end when its rhythm goes up with tabla

i just loved it!

i guess i love dynamic and passionate music

finally i did aikido

the teacher is just amazing

i need to do a whole post about his teaching.

good news i lost weight

when i expected it not

i ate too much pasta, pizza and ice cream

till overdose

but lost weight

how

because i did this dance

and i loved it

so for sure unless you do what you love

you can t expect blessed results in your life

love bears unexpected fruits 

and unexpected things are the best

for they come as a miracle into your life.

ah kiss:x