Challenge

i wonder what beautiful new challenge
i can pick up?
something new of course
a new exciting project

i learned lately
how much i can affect positively
some people's life

that's powerful

same time now i want something new
hm yes something i can be proud of
cause it brought some beauty and easiness
and has ability to spread
cause it is fed by good attention

oh by the way
i was sitting
and a kid came near me
he sat next to me

he looked at me continuously
so i just smiled to him
and all of sudden
he spoke to me and said
"maman"

and he was waiting i reply to his call
i was just dumbfounded
trying to recover mentally
i said nothing

i felt he saw me
actually i felt afraid was new
plus he said it loud
and people were wondering why he called me so

i swear it hit me deep
cause he was speaking to me
i swear he was calling me

he was seeing his mom in me
the word "mother" all of sudden
felt so universal to me..when he called me so

 (you see is what is pure attention about
is to put your attention ONLY and WHOLLY on what you are saying
then you feel the universal power of it
but when you say something and yet part of your mind is wandering
on something else, what power you think it has?...think hard.)

so that boy has all of his mind there
when he said maman
and not to some human, not to some image,
not to my body,
but to "what is here"

you know
like when you become amnesic
and someone comes to you
and call you
by your name?

it hits you
because you recognise your name
you knew it
but somehow you were trying hard to forget
while pretending to recover memory
yet still praying deeply to go on playing hide and seek?

yet you are trying hard to
remember your name?

i felt like that
and i felt caught

the word maman
spontaneously came out of his lips
liek when i spontaneously happen to speak in urdu with some guy who doesn't even speak it!!!
because of the feeling of nearness ...see?

so now it feels like
the inside mother of the boy was looking at the inside mother of me
and calling herself cause she had found herself in the other
as in a mirror

Japan

am on a roll to write blogs tonight

is it possible
that one be so wrapped up in an energy
that we are clothed by it?

i got special make up
and i looked at my friend
she looked like a japanese to me
all pink in a kimono

and then another friend looked at me
and said i look like japanese too

and precisely
it happens now that i am to go to japan!!!

how is it possible?
that we get wrapped up by the soft energy
of the place we are to go?

is it because this place soft energy
has reached you so much
and enwrapped you
that you look like you already belong to it?

Japan!!!!
i am cooooooooooooooooooooming mwa:x

Life lesson : Accept your Glory

:)

I accepted that i should be praised publicly :)

that is what happened

i did some looong hard job
i was in charge of managing a project from A to Z
except for M,N, O lol
but basically i had to do everything

and in my funny habit
i was about to let all of the credit go to someone else
who was about to steal my idea
a misogyne by the way

and shakti showed it to me
in dream

future was set
and when i realised that i was about to be stolen
from the credit of this soulful hard work
i decided to stand for it

too long to detail it now
but basically i chose to fight for the credit
and it happened that profile changed

and the misogyne guy
not only happen not to steal my project
but praise me in front of 100 of people
and even asked them to give me a standing ovation
at least 3 times

if i had not stood for it
i would have suffered loss this time
pain of this loss
and in future you can bet i would have been forced by another pain
to accept being praised

so i am happy i stood for it
plus i recognise not myself
lol i changed so much
that is like an old me is writing her astonishment of the new me that is being born

The soft way or the hard way?

Today i met a familiar acquaintance
after years

life is funny

here is what i learned
and it is so fair
life is so fair

you see
the very thing people accuse me of
either by wrong thoughts, backbiting etc
is the VERY thing that WILL happen to them...

myself i am so surprised
but this rule is so true

you see
in the past
when i came back from the uk
i was like feeling i was at the end of my life emotionally speaking
cause bellywise, i felt pain not to be able to open the door of spirituality
by not having a real teacher

and that very person
happened to think i was in some love affair
and depressed by that

cause she was only projecting her own limits
by transposing them onto me

yes i was love sick
but love sick for Truth
really
that was the most tragically beautifully sincerest moment of my Life

which i will never ever trade for

though usually people would like to trade pain for love

but is like the movie vice versa
without that traumatic pain i would have never found Love

so much to tell
but too much to write

you see
the desire for me was always my spiritual quest
i wanted Truth
spiritual opening
Light
help
direction for my evolution
to see positive change
a new life

and i was love sick for that
that was my universe

and that girl
thought i was love sick for some guy
and she happened to laugh at it

i never minded it
cause i knew exactly what i wanted
is like some pure water
whatever mud you put in it
it remains clear

why?
cause it keeps running

and now
i met her
and i learned
she happened to wake up and cry every morning

because she was played emotionally by some guy
and lost her virginity

by hearing that
i felt so sad for her
you know why?

cause myself
i remembered
how when i came from uk
i used to wake up every morning
and hope it will be a new day
with some magic change
that i will see a door opening in my spirituality
some path being lit up

even writing it now
i feel tears

so i used to wake up every morning
désanchantée
realising is still same day than day before
and no opening for spirituality

so i used to cry

so i knew what she was going through
as pain
and i felt sad for her

and yet i realised
she was just getting back the change of her coin

cause you see in islam
there is a saying that is as follow

when you "curse"someone
this curse is true
meaning
it WILL apply
EITHER on the one saying it
OR on the one being the object of the "curse"

curse could be anything from thoughts being repeatedly occuring
to verbal attacks and actions

so as it was wrong
not applicable on me...

..she happened to create her own reality
with it..

such a wise girl
ended up in such a state

i felt very much empathic for her
because i wish not her to go through that pain
as i could feel what she was going through

is like to be in a jail and being hammered by your own emotions

and shakti showed me so clearly
her state
that no doubt was possible

you see?
and of course i helped to heal her heart chakra
not because i planned it
but just because it happened to be the moment dedicated for her help
and that was chosen by the spirit

and i like that

when i was feeling her heart
was like a heater was on
so that was the pain she was feeling

but you see
people harm themselves by themselves
and this of course they will never know
they will think the harm came from others, from that guy

of course it came from that guy
as other guys prior to him existed too but never managed to hurt her before
why?
cause she had protection
but the day you choose to lose your protection
you get hurt by letting such stuff touch you

she -ignorantly- let herself being harmed
by choosing to use curse words and laughing at me
is her right really
yet this is karma
if you are not 100% sure of your "curse"
be sure the curse is 100% sure of its destination

and also
she fell down in my esteem
cause i did not expect she would do such a thing

so is funny
i helped a girl who cursed me
and ended up helping her
against her very curse

and is funny
cause she knows not i helped her

and of course
she learned the lesson the hard way

the soft way
would have been humanity

when i was in need of help
she could have lent me some hand
she would have helped herself by helping me

ie
she would have avoided that situation
because of the insight she would have gained from mine

she would have learned i was yearning for truth
that i was spiritualy home sick
that i just needed hope

that a human touch would have not helped me
but would have soothed me
momentarily

that she would have grown to be someone else
through this experience
and would have certainly not challenged Life
to live a love sick story
just for her soul to learn what it means to be emotionally played

cause she occulted that
by then
and thought was just some laughable stuff

you can't occult the life lessons your soul need
so,

never laugh at life
but laugh with life
that is wisdom
to know that each thing has its place

when life laugh, laugh
but when life is sad, be compassionate and help with your human touch/human empathy

but when life is sad, and cry
lol don't cry with it hahaha
but FEEL it
and open to it by offering your presence
only by your present attention you can share
learn from this while giving comfort to the other

see?
is indeed about putting things at their right place
laugh with life
not at life

and you will learn your life lesson the soft way

Empathy

There is much stuff which changed
incredibly rich experiences in terms of life lessons are happening to me

at same time i see fraility of life
On one side life is rich
because full of experiences
and yet on the other side
life is "ephemerial" because these experiences last as long as they have their share of life

and might seem poor
(in power)

Life taught me how to speak up my mind
taught me to be upright and dignified

Life also taught me
that too much empathy makes you die for the others' pain
people are not willing to do the right things

you can show them
but cannot force them

your goal though remains your own evolution

to be human
is to act with humanity
and yet not to be identified with it

is to be able to do your utmost
and accept when you cannot act against the other's free will
even though you know in advance the shape of their action
and the fruits they will bear

pain come not from knowing
but knowing that others will remain ignorant
and keep making wrong choices
which will have sour consequences for them

to know and to accept to let them fall
is the real pain

you cannot ignore
you cannot act against others free will

but you can remember to be free

I am free

i am free
as an experience i enjoy
as an experience i transfer identity
is not a running away from difficulties
it is the choice of mine not to identify myself with pain

it is the choice to last in an experience as long as i feel joy there
it is the choice to preserve my nature
and not to forget

that i am free
(to choose whoever i want to be)

I am that I am and you can't locate me

In the midst of the tempest
i sought for silence
for freedom from the empathy
of feeling others' pain

and in a vision
i saw a jar
which bottle neck was surrounded with
three lines  made of a colorful straw

and i said i am that
i want to be that

because in the midst of the tempest
wherefrom i was feeling others' pain and torment

i felt myself overloaded
and yet wish not to ignore them

yet i sought for my own peace
sought to preserve it

to stop from being dragged away by the current

so i said
i am that straw of 1cm  lost
in the midst of the many strawlines that are making up this second line of straw
on the bottle neck
who can know i am that?
who can pinpoint me?
and know i am there?
no one can see me there
nor reach me

nor pain can reach me there
as pain is attached to those people's experience
what is the experience of a straw line in terms of identifying itself with others' pain
except if you are some relative
you are bound to others' pain, to family's pain, to friends' pain

but if you are free
i.e. if you are that 1cm straw line lost in a thread made of straw
surrounding the bottle neck of a jar
who knows you are -at that moment- that?

you are free
some may think
what is this rambling of that 1cm straw
is rambling for those who seek to find me
by identifying me
to corner and limit me

but is truth for the others

and once i know i am free
and can be wherever i want 
then i make other's free from pain
then i can make other's free from pain


so i am the third straw on the second line
of the bottle neck of that jar
i am family free
and emotionally free
free from (absorbin people's surrounding) pain
i know no pain
when i am free
i am light and thus in bliss
and make other's happy and pain free