Sincerity and the Mirror

in my life
i was always independant
worked always on my own

only when my spirituality
started
i had to trust the teacher

i gave benefit of doubt
and that was hurtful

because to some degree
everyone wants you to be like them
so there is a great disrespect
of who you are

plus
it makes you lose clarity
of mind
towards the direction
that you cherish

because you discharge yourself
on the other
trusting
that it will be taken care of

and today i discovered
that what i like most
is sincerity of behavior

beause this brings openess
an open intimity in relationship
and thus this kind of space
once created
is very rich in itself

you know that
it can only thrive
and is filled with happiness

as is not about fakeness
deception
or hidding and manipulation

and thereby i understood
what we like most
we want to see it in the other

this is in this
that i wanted to make others
look like me

because what we each have
as main desire
or main quality in us
we want to see this quality

but how can we see
something that is hidden in us
and that at this point
we can only feel?

so our mind
try to project it on the outside
on the people
trying to see its trait
and its beauty

at best if we see it
we fall in love with these people
but in truth
we had already fallen in love
with our own quality

we just wanted to see it outside
to contemplate it
like ovid who fell in love
with his own image
in the lake

and the lake crying
when he died
and the nymphea
who used to run after him
asked the lake
why you cry
for you used to see it more often
than us

the lake said
i cry not for ovid
i cry
for i could see myself in him
i could see my own beauty in his eyes
when they contemplated me

when i read it
it awestruck me
for it is what i feel is true

so when we love to see
our own main spiritual quality in the other
at best we see it
and know not we are in love of our own Self

at worst
we keep searching it in the others
and when the others fail us
we blame ourselves for having trusted them
or them for not being up to the standards they claimed

truth is
we are just in love with our own Self
and each one of us has this very special quality
that he already love

the other
could be at best a mirror to us
so that we can contemplate ourselves in him
because it provides a space
for us to look into
and see our own self
without mixtures
so very pure

so all the way
is about you
so if you are lucky
to have found your mirror

then you should
not think the mirror to have this quality
that you can grab and possess
for that is an illusion

for you already have it

and as said the teacher
in the Alchemist

"mirror think not
they reflect"
[your own beauty]

Tibetan Book of the Dead - 3

listen carefully

you do not know who you are
where you have been
now you make your mind in the form of projections
which seem vivid and entirely real

now you ll see pepenetrating blue light
shining all around you

this is the essence of consciousness itself
buddha veyrochana

his wisdom is like a mirror
reflecting everything
he is the form of consicousness
in its complete purity

this wisdom is inseparatble from your own heart

but also you will see a diffuse white light
avoid it
if you follow the allure of the soft white light
you will find yourself ensnared
in the temporary pleasure of being born as a god

living lordly in the ignorance of the passage of time
yet subject to unexpected death

these are the deities  
there are the wisdom in his heart and mind
the 42 peaceful deities will emanate from his heart
and the 50 wrathful ones will emerge from his brain

they will come one by one
and then all together

the peaceful deities
are complete and unmoveable

if he cannot bear it
enter in their vast benevolence space
if he cannot let go of self centeredness and fear
these becoming will become terrifying wrathful ones

who drink the blood of his ego clinging and
crash all his delusion

if he recognises them
as expression of his own mind
they are  the unsparing face of wakefulness

the wrathful forms
emerging from dying man own brain
will appear as clear as if they real in their own right

the terror and anger he feels
are his own efforts to be compltely awake

and wander uncertainly
at landscape of his own mind
if he recognises it as his own  projection

liberation is instanteneous.

 ==> like wise
as this life is a transient life like bardo
except that we have control
and we recognise that all of this life
is the projection of our own mind
ie take full respeonsibility of it
and not blame another for being its cause
and accept all of it being our projection
with clarity of mind

then i guess we recognise is fake
and get this liberation.


the light the wisdom
spontaneous play
dances and break ripples on an empty lake


8 days after they brun the body
now i get it why
in order the death do not cling to its former body

loved ones release him from the bond sof attachement
to him
and his body offered to the fire

the tibetan woman
standing and praying 
like the muslims do
put her hands above her sahasrara
on agnya
on throat chakra
and then on the belly
joining hand as a triangle
and then prostrate 
with forehead on ground

it pretty much resumes the main chakras 
as i do on my cycles

Tibetan Book of the Dead - 2

kiddo :
what is the best path through this bardo?

is a question of waking up right now
look at your own mind
look at your mind when it is calm and still
and when is running wild

this is what buddha did
and what he taught and did


==>see ?
wonder if you or your friends or kids
ever wonder and spontaneously ask himself this question?
how will it happen?
death existence is hidden
ceremonies become ritual
no one really think about it
we think that it happens to everyone
as a bad luck
yet a natural death comes to everyone
at any time

and yet we hide cemeteries
and just make it taboo topic
if is so taboo then why we rush to secure our life?
instead of enjoying our life?

because inside we know 
we need to find a way out of instability
before instability get us
but how can we fight this instability which is out of hand since ever?

in this life time is easier
because we have control
thanks to our consciousness 
which is like a stearing wheel of a ship

but once dead
our subconsciousness with all its emotions 
and single experience we gathered
take over

no more control
we just lie there under the control
of what we "reap"
and we are facing 
our own created heaven or hell

but with current resources
of ideal circumstances such as self realisation
if we are not able to reach REAL freedom 
then when will we?

do you think a new Goddess will come back on earth
or in any other life time of yours?
what are the probablity
in a new next life
of having a freed soul to guide you to your inner self?
or to make you realise that meditation is the solution?

when you have it all now?
and don't even spontaneously wonder?

and what is the way out?

i wondered it even before even knowing
anything about spirituality
i used to look up 
and see about myself
as if i was in an egg
all sealed
and it was dark
and i wanted to "break through"

i remember those very words
i wanted to "break through"

as soon as i thought that
my friend who could read my thought
at that moment
said
"you have very advanced understanding"

was not understanding
understanding is a fruit
i have had a very strong desire

for i knew that all that 
marriage, work, and kids stuff
is just a prison
if i give myself to it
then i am done
i would be colored by the color 
of the life of the person 
i would entrust myself in
and that is so limited
how could i?

when my spirituality path was over 
once back from uk
back in France
this routine life who was 
about to become my future
i saw it
was like a death sentence to me

so far the only thing
that have made me strive with thirst for life
was to have a magic life
the one told in prophecies
the one that is filled with dreams of light
and prophets and angels
that i used to have
the one i had always heard of
read, dreamt and more or less day dreamed
the one that set the normal life apart from a routine one
and made my life worthy to be lived

the one which would make me free
from societal, familial and all kinds of boring circles
one can encounter

i have valued so much my life so far
do you really think that some new comer into my life
will say how i should live and breath?
how i should fit in? adapt and adjust?

even before meeting
anyone
i knew what i desired
though i could not name it
no one teaches
our own desires teaches us

as said in the the Alchemist book
of Paulo Coelho
"what is your Personal Legend?"

in other word,
what is your dream?

what is the alchemy?
if not the transformation of dream into reality?

the hero,
he lost it all
as soon as he  
started his dream ...

why?
because you need to give to God
so that he transforms it for you
trans-forming
makes the shift of forms
and you think you lost it all
while it is only taking another form
under your eyes
you just need to recognise it
for that you need to learn the read the signs around you
Life is the Book
the Book of life is NOW

this is an average muslim
won't get 
the Book of Life 
is being talked of 
in the Quran
and is not the quran lol
is the Book of Life

the very word "ayah" 
is used for this book of life
and ayah
means the SIGN
the pointers, the evidence 
the CLARITY of that sign
make you read the Life of yours
and know what to do next

like in the book 
the Alchemist
which refers very much
to the muslim spirituality
i.e. sufism

so living your dream
is not some romantic idea 
once exercised
is wit-nessing the loss
for a better gain.

but to be able to read
you need to know what you desire
otherwise signs are everywhere 
yet as dull as you are oblivous to your own desires

imitating others is not the way
standards of goodness are not the way
the way is your own inner desire
what Life gave you of opportunity to discover your dreams
and live them

when i realised i had done all i could
and found no way to break through
i kept having nightmares
as warning
and i could see every day myself
having more and more warning
to return to spiritual path
but how?
the warning were obvious
return or die

and is true
when i came back to France
i sat down on the edge of my bed
i felt real empty
for i realised so far i lived for that 
very desire of finding Truth

and realised that if 
i could not live for
what i desire
without my desire
i feel it is not worthy to be alive

and i desired Truth
this i felt it as hard as rock in me
very clear certainty

and then
people all around me
so well intended
profoundly well intended
but doing so much more harm than good

why?
because they thought the cure lied
in me living like them
marrying, having kids and doing a routine job

that this is the cure
to have a "normal" life

they wanted to bend me
by force of their will
thinking they are doing good to me

they wanetd me to look like them

so many times i tried to explain to them
but how could i explain something i could not even name?
i just knew is the Truth i wanted
and i wanted them to see through my eyes

but they were seeing it through their own filthers of their mind

i told htem
but look at your life
look at everyone's life
what you see?
you yourself admitted what a waste,
what a failure
what a senseless and unenjoyable routine

and those very people
in their lack of sincerity said
no i have had a very happy life

what a lie
if life was so happy
then why those sour faces?
and eternal complains?

why this worry
to settle
to stablise the unstablity around?
instead of trying to discover 
the inner pull each one of us 
have for life
that is called "treasure" in the Alchemist

because you know in truth that stability is the key

but you miss the point
is not the consciousness who needs stability
it is a passing element as earth and water and fire and ether

the only stability lies in recognising your true nature

as my uncle said to me
he said
listen to me
when he saw me seeking for certainty
he said
the only thing that never change
you know what it is?
i said
it is the change

indeed
in the change lies all the stability of the True mind

because you have to recognise its true nature

in this respect
he was one of the few who up to his limit
understood me

he knew at least i wanted Truth
but could not help more than that

yet
as time was passing
and i was getting dreams
of coming back to the path
the path of Abraham
the path of the Book
the path of Truth

yet i knew i could not
by my own effort
so i sought blessings
by any saints in disguise

it was like my time was counted

but anyone who was even a bit bless
still was unable to hear me
or see me

most of my family and friends
could only hear me
but never really listened

they could look at me
but never saw me

no one ever recognised
it was the pure desire of Truth

a few saw it
but had no way to help more
for we are all responsible of our own self

and my time was counted
but within myself
i knew either i find the way out
or is just finished for me
because if the desire is not recognised by anyone
able to help me
then life without desire cannot be lived

not because of a voluntary death
i don't want eternal damnation lol

no

because desire is the fuel of my life
without it
life would just cease to be
if there is no more fuel
the car stops

and then i got ill
i guess i was in bed at least for 2 weeks
got an illness which was impossible for me to have
especially at my age
i have been told i could have died of it
as was very bad in adulthood

as i often recall this period of time
was the worst of my life ever
each time i think the pain is gone
but is still there

because you can't know
unless you experienced it

how you can feel pain
when with all of your heart, mind, soul
with all of your life
you give up everything to seek for Truth

that you were so near of finding a path
to it
and all crumbles down

and you are back to zero
that day by day
you see all of your dreams going away
like dust

that you see
despite all of the good faces
and intent
people were just living dead

they have no real mind
they just
under pretext of doing good to you
trying to make you like them
depossessing you of your desire
and living a life devoid of life

and all of them
without exception
conspire for your good
when in truth
if they were on the other side
of the veil to see themselves
they would see they are only doing evil

because the desire of God
is the desire of Life
and killing life
is not only with guns
is when you remove the nucleus from the cell
and you say to the cell now live

but
my luck was
that Spirit saw me
and gave me back Life


by the way
one of the very first dream i had
when i entered spirituality
i was being told in dream
about al kimya

and when i woke up
i wondered what it was
and after seeking
i found al kimya
is the arabic word for alchemy
which means the science of transformation of metal into gold

transposed to a human being
is when you shift from your stone age to your golden age
when you reclaim your soul
when you untie it from the gross to the pure and refined
from the gross consciousness to the light of your true nature

for sure.


so what has been painful
was that i was there
but they were only seeing their mind in me
of how i should be
instead of how i am

then i realised
if they had seen themselves first
then only they could see me

this is how i learned 
first by experience
before even learning the words
what it was 

i can put the words only now 

such as spirit, not awakened to their own nature
living in their own mind, shadow of themselves
or that this life was like a bardo
you pass through it
while others want to make a stay in it
and there is struggle among 
who is the strongest to bend the other to its image

for this is why 
what i dislike the most
is to say to people what they do and should not do
for if i were to do that
it means i am wanting to control them
and make them like me

which is so fake
only real is when 
the person recognises
his own pure desire within
and only then
his acting will be authentic
and benefiting 
to himself and the others

if people have some degree of honesty 
and self sincerity 
then what they discover for themselves
they discover it for the others
for they can see themselves in the other

but what can you expect from blind people?

at best you can have compassion
when you learn along the way 

but now is over
that is past
and thanks to this past
i value much more the present
and aim at always 
following my pure desire

so what matters
is the desire you are entrusted with
not what people teaches you
of how you should or not be.

you gotta choose the real
and shed off the fake.

kisses to you:x