ok i was trying over the past few days
to wake up at same time
meaning not 30min or 1h after
just same time
so today
i was like half asleep
and i did my cycle and trying to meditate
while still lying down
lol ridiculous
anyway
as i got a vision
i saw that there was a huge shiva
yea bit blue color body
and he was pointing his index towards my head
a bit like in this fresco painting of Adam Creation
by MichaelAngelo
Actually in the vision
i was trying to adjust my forehead
to the poiting of the finger
to be sure
that light goes through it
and like this i would get total enlightenment
and mind would become luminous
by the way writing it
luminous
is more like CLARITY in mind
it just make more sense to say it
is a bit like usually most of mind is clouded
and you jsut need light enough
so that it be lit fully
and you just see things at hand/in the present
then
of course i woke up
to do the walking meditation
followed by the sitting one
but yeaa
was tempted to stay in the bed
just to see the rest of the vision
is only by confronting myself
to new situation and people
that i realised new changes
which took place in me
in terms of perception
and use of say "power"
for everyone is like a seed
and thus EVERYONE has powers
or call it skills manifested
once it has germinated.
the new stuff i saw
is that when i looked at stuff
i kind of see the energy or aura?
around it like a halo?
and this is how i know
that i can grab it or not
also in terms of intuition
it got sharper
and difference is NOW
i can ON THE SPOT
decide ACCORDING to it
before i was like asleep
i could feel intuition
and yet not have the will to follow it
was very much observer of my own life
thinking i can't change it
stuff are as they are
now the intuition is being acted upon
spontaneously
on the spot
so the present moment is being caught
if i can express it so
third
i astonishes myself
by the new changes in my look and life style
is like i can see myself going through phases
of self care
stuff that i had never really paid attention to before
is like i am following a scenario
specially written for me
to act in a movie
and it looks normally flowing
is not like i have to "think"
as to what next i should do
yes definitely i don't recognise myself :)))
yet
is very much agreeable
because i am in self discovery adventure
since a week
i got my eyes and mind caught with the idea
of trying the Arabica Café
ok i let it go
then, i got guests
they came buying a packet of Arabica
ok i let it go
then, i felt like sitting in my couch
okay i want café arabica hehehehe
and i KNOW what kind of mix i want
the Italian one
some vanilla ice cream
and you pour onto it
some arabica coffee
hmm....just saw it yesterday on tv...yummy
and NOW
that i was checking for some arabica to buy
i was about to say is ok let it go cause i can just buy some casual coffee..
and tv spoke to me!
through the ad.. "Buy a quality coffee"!!!!!
WTF???!!!!
hahahaha
i thought TV was speaking DIRECTLY TO ME
IS DECIDED
GOTTA buy that Arabica Quality Coffee and pour it on some Vanilla ice cream
hmm.... yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmy!!!
VID WARNING : I would add MORE WHIPPED CREAM !!!!!!
i wonder what beautiful new challenge
i can pick up?
something new of course
a new exciting project
i learned lately
how much i can affect positively
some people's life
that's powerful
same time now i want something new
hm yes something i can be proud of
cause it brought some beauty and easiness
and has ability to spread
cause it is fed by good attention
oh by the way
i was sitting
and a kid came near me
he sat next to me
he looked at me continuously
so i just smiled to him
and all of sudden
he spoke to me and said
"maman"
and he was waiting i reply to his call
i was just dumbfounded
trying to recover mentally
i said nothing
i felt he saw me
actually i felt afraid was new
plus he said it loud
and people were wondering why he called me so
i swear it hit me deep
cause he was speaking to me
i swear he was calling me
he was seeing his mom in me
the word "mother" all of sudden
felt so universal to me..when he called me so
(you see is what is pure attention about
is to put your attention ONLY and WHOLLY on what you are saying
then you feel the universal power of it
but when you say something and yet part of your mind is wandering
on something else, what power you think it has?...think hard.)
so that boy has all of his mind there
when he said maman
and not to some human, not to some image,
not to my body,
but to "what is here"
you know
like when you become amnesic
and someone comes to you
and call you
by your name?
it hits you
because you recognise your name
you knew it
but somehow you were trying hard to forget
while pretending to recover memory
yet still praying deeply to go on playing hide and seek?
yet you are trying hard to
remember your name?
i felt like that
and i felt caught
the word maman
spontaneously came out of his lips
liek when i spontaneously happen to speak in urdu with some guy who doesn't even speak it!!!
because of the feeling of nearness ...see?
so now it feels like
the inside mother of the boy was looking at the inside mother of me
and calling herself cause she had found herself in the other
as in a mirror
i did some looong hard job
i was in charge of managing a project from A to Z
except for M,N, O lol
but basically i had to do everything
and in my funny habit
i was about to let all of the credit go to someone else
who was about to steal my idea
a misogyne by the way
and shakti showed it to me
in dream
future was set
and when i realised that i was about to be stolen
from the credit of this soulful hard work
i decided to stand for it
too long to detail it now
but basically i chose to fight for the credit
and it happened that profile changed
and the misogyne guy
not only happen not to steal my project
but praise me in front of 100 of people
and even asked them to give me a standing ovation
at least 3 times
if i had not stood for it
i would have suffered loss this time
pain of this loss
and in future you can bet i would have been forced by another pain
to accept being praised
so i am happy i stood for it
plus i recognise not myself
lol i changed so much
that is like an old me is writing her astonishment of the new me that is being born
here is what i learned
and it is so fair
life is so fair
you see
the very thing people accuse me of
either by wrong thoughts, backbiting etc
is the VERY thing that WILL happen to them...
myself i am so surprised
but this rule is so true
you see
in the past
when i came back from the uk
i was like feeling i was at the end of my life emotionally speaking
cause bellywise, i felt pain not to be able to open the door of spirituality
by not having a real teacher
and that very person
happened to think i was in some love affair
and depressed by that
cause she was only projecting her own limits
by transposing them onto me
yes i was love sick
but love sick for Truth
really
that was the most tragically beautifully sincerest moment of my Life
which i will never ever trade for
though usually people would like to trade pain for love
but is like the movie vice versa
without that traumatic pain i would have never found Love
so much to tell
but too much to write
you see
the desire for me was always my spiritual quest
i wanted Truth
spiritual opening
Light
help
direction for my evolution
to see positive change
a new life
and i was love sick for that
that was my universe
and that girl
thought i was love sick for some guy
and she happened to laugh at it
i never minded it
cause i knew exactly what i wanted
is like some pure water
whatever mud you put in it
it remains clear
why?
cause it keeps running
and now
i met her
and i learned
she happened to wake up and cry every morning
because she was played emotionally by some guy
and lost her virginity
by hearing that
i felt so sad for her
you know why?
cause myself
i remembered
how when i came from uk
i used to wake up every morning
and hope it will be a new day
with some magic change
that i will see a door opening in my spirituality
some path being lit up
even writing it now
i feel tears
so i used to wake up every morning
désanchantée
realising is still same day than day before
and no opening for spirituality
so i used to cry
so i knew what she was going through
as pain
and i felt sad for her
and yet i realised
she was just getting back the change of her coin
cause you see in islam
there is a saying that is as follow
when you "curse"someone
this curse is true
meaning
it WILL apply
EITHER on the one saying it
OR on the one being the object of the "curse"
curse could be anything from thoughts being repeatedly occuring
to verbal attacks and actions
so as it was wrong
not applicable on me...
..she happened to create her own reality
with it..
such a wise girl
ended up in such a state
i felt very much empathic for her
because i wish not her to go through that pain
as i could feel what she was going through
is like to be in a jail and being hammered by your own emotions
and shakti showed me so clearly
her state
that no doubt was possible
you see?
and of course i helped to heal her heart chakra
not because i planned it
but just because it happened to be the moment dedicated for her help
and that was chosen by the spirit
and i like that
when i was feeling her heart
was like a heater was on
so that was the pain she was feeling
but you see
people harm themselves by themselves
and this of course they will never know
they will think the harm came from others, from that guy
of course it came from that guy
as other guys prior to him existed too but never managed to hurt her before
why?
cause she had protection
but the day you choose to lose your protection
you get hurt by letting such stuff touch you
she -ignorantly- let herself being harmed
by choosing to use curse words and laughing at me
is her right really
yet this is karma
if you are not 100% sure of your "curse"
be sure the curse is 100% sure of its destination
and also
she fell down in my esteem
cause i did not expect she would do such a thing
so is funny
i helped a girl who cursed me
and ended up helping her
against her very curse
and is funny
cause she knows not i helped her
and of course
she learned the lesson the hard way
the soft way
would have been humanity
when i was in need of help
she could have lent me some hand
she would have helped herself by helping me
ie
she would have avoided that situation
because of the insight she would have gained from mine
she would have learned i was yearning for truth
that i was spiritualy home sick
that i just needed hope
that a human touch would have not helped me
but would have soothed me
momentarily
that she would have grown to be someone else
through this experience
and would have certainly not challenged Life
to live a love sick story
just for her soul to learn what it means to be emotionally played
cause she occulted that
by then
and thought was just some laughable stuff
you can't occult the life lessons your soul need
so,
never laugh at life
but laugh with life
that is wisdom
to know that each thing has its place
when life laugh, laugh
but when life is sad, be compassionate and help with your human touch/human empathy
but when life is sad, and cry
lol don't cry with it hahaha
but FEEL it
and open to it by offering your presence
only by your present attention you can share
learn from this while giving comfort to the other
see?
is indeed about putting things at their right place
laugh with life
not at life
