Experimenting awareness in daily life

oh!
today was my 40th day of intensive meditation
... well i ended up not waking up.

lol:)))

it passed really quickly
ok let's go on now with more inner devotion
is next step :

intensive meditation
with more inner devotion.


today i have seen my meditation friends
after long time
they reminded me that already 2months had elapsed!
i can't believe it i thought it was not EVEN a month.
so much time flew lightly for me.

my first impression when i was in the group
was that i felt different.
yes the people are our mirror
and without them you cannot see yourself / experience yourself

well,
my impression was that i felt SO MUCH MORE grounded than all surrounding me
and when out of blue someone asked to make a commentary
which i could have refused out of shyness of the unexpected way it was asked,
well i found myself so grounded and IN while commenting on the spot.

this astonished myself
and during the day too
when i met complete strangers in the streets
i found them smiling and talking to me as if we knew each other
which is totally brand new

i even saw myself
having more self confidence

where does it come from?

lol i won't recognise myself
and yet i do feel yes, i do feel more aligned with my true self
yes this is the word

i would say i do and say what i should do and say on the right time.

there is no second guessing
inwardly questioning should i or not
that just flows out by itself and lead me to follow it.

i love it really.
life is easier lol

second, the awareness
i surprised myself of pinpointing awareness in PRACTICAL way

what i mean
is before i would KNOW that awareness is a state to be reached
but i would NOT know its place and how it adjust itself and BENEFIT in life

well flash news today it did!
i realised
that awareness is having the solution RIGHT ON THE SPOT
when we need it
yes! indeed
how could you be aware?
what does it mean?
is to be aware........................................of..........................solution.
of your surrounding and THUS of the solution.

only a practical example
i did not wish to eat dessert,
so not to spoil it, i asked it to be packed instead
and lol i get to packed for me
i wondered what i was gonna do with two portions of that.

anyway,
i was in the metro
and a beggar entered
yes i feel sad for the beggars
there are so many now and of all ages
imagine so young and others who are so ashamed that they become red faced
while they should retire, they are begging

yes, when i will be rich
i will take care of them
you can be SURE of that
and i feel crying from happiness
to know i will

of course, there should be a fruitful method to do it
but this is priority number one as project.

so, as the beggar asked anything
even a piece of bread
i was saying to myself i have no bread

lol imagine how the mind is close minded
then when i watched my bag,
i became aware that i do have desserts packed
and here was his dessert

when you think of it
i feel really becoming soft hearted
when i thought back
how i was packing something for him
without knowing it was for him.

isn't it beautiful?
you act out of faith
while not knowing why
and after you see it is true/it has a very definite purpose.

of course, later i realised i had also money in pocket
but THIS i did not get aware of it!
see?

this is i think how one can test one's awareness

by seeing
to which extent we find the right solution (word, deed, act...),
ON THE SPOT.

so, definitely,
i am happy to have done this retreat,
it has saved my progress in meditation
a bit more and i would have become meaningless to myself.

to become meaningful to oneself
one should just be able to enjoy the present right?
and this is also why we get angry, because we see no solution
and we try to enforce solution on/from others

but it starts with ourselves first.
then, whether others follow or not
it is their choice
at least you are yourself
and are in joy when you discover such things

good night
kiss:x
ps : i just finished writing the blog, and it smells rose perfume!
ah am so happy
i should hug myself
good girl
hahaha
oki i stop it

good night

The Library - Alaya consciousness

ok my meditation is regular
but has lost its early intensity
it feels like it becomes harder and harder to wake up
anyway, LUCKILY it is STILL on

and i am AIMING at making it as GOOD as i wish

ok
this being said,
i had a few days back another day dreaming vision
yes i call it so
when i am not sleeping

so as i was meditating
i entered a library
full of books
and in it
the voice said
"this is the wisdom of the Mind"

then i turned and saw
two men and a woman
looking inside of a ball of light
which was placed in a  cylinder
(vertical)


the feeling was quite good
and it felt like NATURAL
NORMAL

what i mean
it was as normal as if i am living this life
or when you switch one channel of a tv and you see another

except these ones are really pleasant.

so i learned that
the library is the Alaya consciousness
or also called the "collective matrix"
 or collective citta

imagine :)
it means
from this point everything EVER imagined
and EVER happened is recorded THERE

WAY TOOOOOOOOOOO COOL
SUGOÏ


a sort of a God's Super Duper computer ;)

is always evolving..always experiencing ITSELF(GOD) through its images(creation/beings/forms/time/space..consciousness)

ah! again so cool

and it makes sense.

the library...is in fact a symbol of,,the VERY reason,, of creation?..see?

and yes, 

as i wrote,

and there were three tall people around it

like they were looking into it

as one look into it as for visioning stuff

i think there were two men and a lady

......the father/son/holy spirit..holy spirit is female creating...father is the awareness..son is the spirit..got it?

 
ah
before and even today
i kind of forget the aim of visions
which is to know
that something better exist

by then
before myself realisation
i "waited" this to come to me

but now,
i KNOW
it is for ME to CREATE the life i want

i tell you guys
my LIFE gonna be awesome
why?

because ALREADY it is AWESOME
since the first day i got self realisation
and it is NOT a trend which is getting down bu UP

the ONLY thing is
I FORGET

lol
that i CAN be more creative
and when i say creative
it just means
i can at EVERY MOMENT
CHOOSE to be ALIGNED to myself
and BE myself

the creation
comes by itself
like atoms are drawn together
and then the molecule of waters are formed

the molecule exists not BY itself
hey it is me the H2O molecule

but it is a formation, a cluster of these atoms
that were drawn to it

same for our lives
we need to REMEMBER
to make everyday GOOD choices
GOOD because our belly feels GOOD when we do it
and not because it is the social norm
learned by our head
and monitored by others
to please them

easy said than done
but it is the natural flow
that we lost
while children still have it.

good morning
kiss:x

Baptism

still going on with my intensive meditation
to be honest most of it was intensive meditation
in average i would say i missed one day a week
by forsaking my alarm clock in the morning lol

and three days in a week i did not get up ON time
this i mean
to get up everyday to meditate early at the SAME time
because this routine is important

as we say in islam
angel comes at same time
they got used to with us
so routine is really important

there is one dream
that keeps coming into my mind
so i guess till i don't write it
it will keep coming

so i better share it
so that it stops pestering me lol

so when i was sleeping
i saw in a vision
being put into a bucket of water
you know like in the old past
the huge bucket of water
in one like this

so i could literally see my face
going out  for air
but being put back by a hand
and as Latin words were being pronounced

"Michael angelus"

so on the spot on the vision
i  guess it was the archangel Michael

but next time
i hope i won't get apnoea
i prefer to get baptism of water
with a nice touch lol

cross finger
i should get my so-long-awaited breakthrough, neh? :)

haaan
i want it!
lol

kiss:x

Have a guess?

"the world is a brighter place when you reveal your inner light. when you look into the light of others, you see past the differences that set us apart and realise we are one light. reveal your inner light. "


............guess where it was written on?......................



hm,
on the packet of a peeling mask
yes, you read it well, on the packet of a skin care product!

amazing!
yes, it proves that at least the feel for "the awareness"
is spreading a bit all over
and everyone in his field
wishes to express it
so that the message he believes in
or wishes to believe in
reaches the other
and be shared
and thus keep expanding.

Alexandre Astier

A very quick post
for my preferred drama and movie producer - Alexander Astier.

the whole video is in French.
why i posted it?
because he shares what his underlying motivation is
why he does what he does

i like his way of being clear with himself
of what his desires, and goals are.
of being able to articulate them,
with lots of care of not giving into the temptation
that a high status may give you in sounding at times pretentious and thus empty.

well i like him for his educated and articulated and sincere
way of being himself
and of discovering the inner intricacies of what draws his attention

of separating what he wished from what happened eventually
for instance, what we want sometimes does not happen according to our initial desire
but to look perfect
we say stuff happened as we wished
but doing so we dilute and detach ourselves from our true desire of creation
therefore we forget our true desire leading to our true self discovery

so i like his "répartie" and the assumed one.

also, well i like his inner introspection
which leads him not only to have a job and a life with two sets of principles for each
but ONE set of principals for both.
that is being sincere to himself and true to himself and thus to the others.

and the summum of his talk was when he said the last sentence that i post here.
preceeded of a few others in french.
(english ones being my translation).

i just really find this guy interesting, full of acute self introspection
and very much practical and realistic.

few quotes of him, that i whole-heartedly agreed with
as if i recognised them being from me
making me innerly jump on my seat and posting them here :

"c'est la partie musicale de la chose, et donc celle qui se réfléchie le moins" :)
=
it is the musical aspect of this topic, and which requires less reflection.
meaning,
he was being praised for his capacity of making jokes in his written comedy
and he told
he never focuses on writings jokes,
for he only focuses on the structure of proving one or two points
and the joking aspect
arises by itself
due to the natural effect produced by his preliminary reflection
and because he exploits the topic to the deepest
following his inner drive to analyse more the potential of each actor and situation
that naturally without effort the jokes arise.


and he so beautifully accepted this praise
without feigning to not accept it
i mean it is not calculated

he just said the truth about himself
you don't make effort to give birth to what you are being praised of
for that which is worthy of praise
is like music
it flows as freely and graciously as it is unintentionally willed.

by the way,
yesterday myself i learned
that i can desire and intend for a wish-
but i cannot will it.
for only the God within without allows it to happen
and thus Will belongs indeed to God
but the desire and intent is ours.
without it we cannot plant the seed into the Mind
and no seed means no plant and no fruits ie not seeing your desire fulfilled, if allowed by the God Mind.


second saying of his

"en fait le plus important là dedans c'est ce qui ne parait pas l'être. c'est le bonheur des deux, trois, quatre acteurs qui viennent pour jouer et mettre leur talents." c"est qu'"ils soient pénétrés par la grâce du moment".

it is first time i hear a realisator
whose main concern is the joy of his two, three or four actors. who come and perform and share their skills. because they have been given the space to be penetrated by the Grace of the moment.


really beautiful.
it is altruist without being purposely altruist.see?
it is only because this Alexander Astier by his some inner reflection, self introspection of what his job brings him and moves him
reveals him that his joy lies in giving space and time for his actors to be in joy...

that is real Love for others, really.
not forced,
but emerged in a realisation of yours
because you did some of introspection.

Alexandre Astier is famous for his series "Kaamelott" broadcast over the past few years on the 6 channel in France, which is about the King Arthur and the Knights of the Ronde Table; which leads to the quest of the Graal.

He still did not manage to make the movie, as he wishes to make it according to his terms,
i.e. keeping rights over the production as he intends not to sacrifice the 15 years of his life for this project due to financial strains.
so i guess he waits for the right producers ;)

Good luck to him.
he is a great artist.

Testing life

Today i met new people
when they were talking
i could feel their emotions
those that were hidden

it startled me
because i felt them strongly
i think i never felt people's emotions so strongly before

most of their feelings were filled with sadness
for one there was hidden anger and frustration

on top of that
i felt sad for them
i was sad because i knew they were sad
though it was hidden
and wished to tell them
"don't be sad"
and i was also frustrated,
because i knew how they could be so awesome
but as they don't know they could be so awesome,
i felt like they were cheated by life, by their ignorance of their potential,
of themselves.

really even now i feel for them
it is like you could see someone turning in circle
like in a jail
and you know that this condition won't change
unless he changes his ways
and you know also that never he will change his

people are very strange
they expect change without willing to change their usual ways
if you have no success with your current method
then drop it
and try a new one
this simply means your method failed when you tested it with your life

but it is like people become amnesic
once they tested it
why they do not move on?
it is like they know they are testing life
don't they say that "it is a test from God"
but they forgot the meaning of "test".
they think it is a continual test from God.
like a fatality
but if the test has a beginning, it has an end too.
and you decide of its end
as you decided of its beginning by allowing yourself to be as you have been
now allow yourself to be otherwise...to end it:

by concluding "ok the method tested failed."
be honest with life
as soon as you admit this conclusion to yourself
you will see
life will be challenged
and will bring you a new method to be tested with.

(by the way, when you can say that
it proves already a certain degree of detachment
you feel it when you say it?)

it is what happened with me.

ok it is a test
but now once you get the result of the test
YOU decide your test is over
and you seek for a new one
which will be successful, no?

WHY they forget to acknowledge the result?
and MOVE ON?
no they have to standstill and blame others and pity themselves till they die
instead of moving on.
now, i am really feeling angry at them.

i know why they get amnesic,
it is because they become so identified with the method
because remember,
we put our life in it
time, effort, emotions,
and that defines us

this is our ego
part of it
and you need to label it as "failed"
who would like to hear that his past 30 years
resulted in a "failed" mention? who?

it is like you hear your death sentence
like one day someone comes
and tells you
sir, you wasted 30 years of your life.
well don't be sorry
success will come despite that
trust in the unknown wisdom of God
which lies in your (ego) death.

he will laugh at you,
after having slapped you lol

and yet in this simple step
i am sure lies the Mercy of God
whoever honestly surrender his ego to God
means
he should admit that his method failed,
and he surrender to a new method
he has no power upon
and which will be from God
an "infaillible" method
and this "infaillible" method
will become the new life of his

i found this now so beautiful

for i just understood
why the shia call their imams
the "infaillible" ones

they are the descendent sons of the prophet
in leadership
i bet these were all realised
but they are infaillible not because of their own knowledge
or some inheritance of prophethood as we can naively understand it

they are infaillible
because of the "path" / method they followed
which is a path that bears the weight of the test
a path that is unshakable whatever the test is



so, i don't understand
why people don't come to this logical decision?
if only they would, then they would be alert and thus open
for new God given methods/helps

if you know that Life is a Mercy from God
then, why you don't open to more of His Mercy?
why you cut life in two :
with one area which is yours and is temporarily lacking blessings
(so you wait and wait and wait while not changing)
and the other which you consider not yours and thus you suppose it is unblessed
and you remain closed to it.

therefore, you just keep regressing in receiving blessings from life
till there are no more
and you think that God left you
but in truth
it is you who stubbornly remained separated from the Whole, from God
by separating your life in two or more groups
with one sacred and the other not
with one useful and the other not
with one blessed the other not
with one higher and the other not

by extension
it is what we do with our relationship
with anyone
everyone thanks to his spirit within
if it has crossed your path
has been bringing you
the opportunity to unify your vision of Life to One Part

i find that beautiful
of course is hard
because we get amnesic
and we cling onto our emotions
instead of letting them go

but as long as we KNOW
we have to "return to God"

inna lilahi wa inna elahi rajeoun
to God we belong to to Him is our return

then, we cannot forget, nor fail.

the thing is muslims only remember this sentence
at the time of death
but it is about the death of ego
at each moment when you encounter suffering
and like this bits by bits
you get ready
somehow
for the Great Remembering
of your true nature
of who you are



finally, on the spot, while listening to them,
i chose deliberately
to listen superficially
i mean i did not keep my usual deep focus when they were speaking
because i just felt too sad already

Living Light

you know
alive?

i said everything is alive
as if i discovered it is alive as of now
but in fact
what i wanted to say
is that i witnessed that it is alive

because my intelligence saw it ON THE MOMENT

this is what makes it alive
the rest of time
my intelligence is only holding onto image of object in mind
so it is as an image is
i.e. dead

but now the present is Ever Alive
all is there
means all that is in the moment
is there indeed, alive.
(not frozen in a past image or anticipated in a future form)

so it means
usually my own intelligene is dead
when NOT illuminated by the kundalini

the kundalini
is like a lift
by passing through the chakras
it takes in it the attention from the liver
then the spirit in the heart
and then passing by the head
it illuminates it
thus the quality of the spirit which is/expresses/maniests itself as love at the heart
becomes a peaceful witness of the present
that is an illuminated attention
which can thus be called a witness

so it acts like a mirror
that enables you to see light of creation
thus light under a multitude of forms
and that is why it is called play of Life

it is like a diamond
which when turned
has many facets
but to see them
the mirror should be polished
so that light be reflected
and you may see it (alive) in its different form

when we can see the beauty of God


the beauty is/means
the secret of God being witnessed in the present moment
secret, i.e. each object is giving out a manifested characteristic
and this is the message attached to each one of it
and in the present it is revealing its beauty, i.e. that which was opaque/secret to our eyes before

when we say we witness the beauty of God
beauty is just a generic term

to say the Light of God in the objects in the present
and as each object has its light
this is why it is said
is being seen as "it is as it is"

so this light
is being contemplated in the present

ah, it is so beautiful

Candle wax

oh this is incredible!
i remember to have written that after a long time of meditation
i could see beauty when i go outside

but also it happened now while i was inside home!

so amazing feeling :

you know the candle wax?
sometimes it just remain in the pot
and you cannot get rid of the remainder
you try hard to remove it and it stick like hell
and you give up

well i had given up since long to remove it lol

but today by accident
i let it on top of the oven
which heat melt the wax on the candle holder !

and then, it was so soft
that i could let it slide and remove it!

but you know what hit me
is strange to say that
but i say it even though

when i saw the wax melted
and so "submissively" sliding away
i found it being "so innocent"
that was such a beautiful feeling for it

i really wish to write it as the impression remains:


one it was like i was saying myself
look ! it is so innocent! and i was so hard on it
thinking it is just a wasted wax unremovable
you know like a misjudgement
lol if i can talk of this for an object
but really there it felt not like an object
but something alive
truly

also
the way the wax got removed
so graciously
i just had to slid it aside with a light finger pressure
and gone!

and then it hit me
it is same with the heart of people
you cannot hammer to teach them some change

but when the right condition
like heat for this candle
are gathered
then
the heart softened by themselves

in real life
you could use the heat of God
the one provided by the vibrations purifying your heart
which is the softer way

or alternatively,
if you refuse to practice
you refuse the soft heat on the subtle level of vibrations

then, it is on the grosser plane
the one of manifestation
that your heart would have to test the heart of the crisis
to learn the hard way its softness

for everything is under transformation
what is solid becomes liquid and then gaseous
and so on back and forth
all is there to get transformed
nothing can remain stable in the elements

so the Spirit gather together the right condition
to allow change to take place
but
if you resist it

as it is said in quran
"come willingly or unwilling"
and the elements responded "we obey"

Then He directed (Himself) towards the heaven while it (was) smoke, and He said to it and to the earth, "Come both of you willingly or unwillingly." They both said, "We come willingly."
quran 41:11

i am right now in love with this verse
i remember in 2006
while i was doing my training in a company
i was just going out of the room
and i saw drops of water hanging on the ceiling
about to fall

and this verses
came alive in my head for these drops of water
and i realised the elements are truly submitted to the Order of God
for they came willingly

by the way
Order is not only Command
order is literally speaking to put order from chaos
and the order of God is both


and when i was removing the last remainders
of the wax
this one was totally liquid by then
so as i was removing it with the handkerchief
as strange as it may seem to read it
i felt love for it
as if i was doing a mix of
thanking it, and healing it in myself

for myself months before
i judged it being worthless and too hard to be ever removed

that was really an alive communication
right now
lol i think i would have even kissed it
as it looked like so beautiful innocent to me

i swear
:) i feel so happy writing it
lol with a bit of tears in the eyes if i keep remembering it

it is really alive

it is true
everything is alive