Onboarding for the I am what I am

 I was walking my cycles 

and attention went on the question of "to which degree can I be honest?".

Firstly, unless we ask a question 

we do not get answers.

Because asking question is just hooking the attention 

and then anchoring it there 

till the answer from the waves of the sea arrive.

The wave of the seas are the intuition

and unless I write it

it will be forgotten.

Because if sea are the words

written on the mind then 

once the waves leaves 

the words leave too.

They are not engraved like carved letters on a stone

they are amazingly enough just waves passing by.

Purpose is never to create an image

but give the color, the flavor and the scent of the insight needed for a moment 

so that it can enter and go out of your body 

without carving any image and without any hoarding.

Another topic the one of writing and knowledge.

Current topic 

is the Collective.

I have written a book 

and many people ends up asking me how to now.

Being honest with myself 

I can see the old old me say before I had met the yogi - how it would have reacted by then

I can see the old me say before my spiritual cleansing 

and now I can see the current me

and the future me.

Makes lots of perspective in one go.

Insight I got is deep and fleeting like waves, so I hope I get it written before it leaves me.

Wave like insight; this is why it is said it is signs: ayah in Quran. 

Because everything is fleeting timely symbolic knowledge. 

As it can never be permanent; hence the word symbol or sign is better than the word knowledge or writing i believe.

The first one is timely insight to make decision while the latter is about hoarding power and controlling masses.

Now,

The old old me was the Innocent kid who before having me the yogi in paris 

just spontaneously used to help people fully just because I could, just because my mother and family taught me to be so. 

I do not praise my mother enough, but she is the sincerest mother and wife I ever saw. And no not a bride as women are currently life long brides haha. Closing this topic now.

So this old old me was an innocent kid. The help I gave can be seen; insight to it can be given through the filter of the root. chakra. 

I just did it spontaneously, as Innocent just is. 

Now, the old me, is the one from paris when i met the yogi.

This is not to blame anyone but serves the experience and self learning, as flowers grow according to their rhythm, so one cannot blame the yogi of Paris, but I have the advantage of learning from these experiences, so I share:

The yogi there were doing their best in embodying the teaching of shri mataji.

Sure there need to be a starting point; but once you keep on the same road at some point you are being challenged and either chewed and spit out or digested and growth happens..

So I recall a girl she smoothed her talk with love 

and tried really consciously to be an ideal yogi

but always had fit of jealousy and anger.

Why?

Because when you do so 

you claim that you are ready as a drop to be integrated into the Ocean

yet yourself once extended is so exerted like a rubber stretched to its limit that it snaps

so the ego still cannot integrate the HIGHER COLLECTIVE SELF aka THE OCEAN.

This is why there were so many dramas in the collective yogi there

now i understand.

And this is why also it was the natural end for me. As from this point onwards I realised I was being used for material purposes not appreciated for spiritual ones.

So funnily enough, I had the green light from the spirit to experience the selfishness.

Because I was always serving and was always taught to be at the service of others that I had never allowed to serve myself.

So starting this selfish journey I of course started from guilt to enjoying my selfishness to till today feeling I am at the end of this experience. Because I saw the growth above the selfish, individual and egoisticla (not used as a negative word rather as synonym of individual).

Isn't it also beautiful to have the control of our experiences?

I mean who on earth say at some point: OK I experienced enough of selfishness now let me move on?

It is like you change experience and perspective and behavior like you change clothes.

Very swift and in control. This impression being shared let me continue now about the end of that experience.

My old self which experienced the selfish perspective; again not negative word, learned to have an insight into what it is to act and live giving oneself priority.

So I learned about the concept of priority and individuation 

how the human being exists as an individual. As prior to that I have been existing as a kid for a collective the family or the wider collective with hardly no sense of self worth and indivudal goal.

Very funny to speak like this now that I am reading it. 

So the experience of selfishness helped me to see myself as a body as an individual and I must say the individual has lots of enjoyment in squeezing out the juice of life and enjoying the moment.

But that I just lived from one experience to another and get bored very quickly too. 

And I couldn't really see how it is charming to just see life from an individual perspective.

Anyway; during this time the trunk of the tree grew and became thick enough.

And recently it got its make out and thorough cutting of useless branches and got pimped up.

That is the self purification I refer to, since I definitely got. the anger, hate and sadness purified meaning that they do not control me but I control them. So that is real mastery and self purification that I definitely witness to it.

But as I am not lying to myself 

I keep abreast and listen to the signals of my self

and the current self saw that many people wanted my help and guidance on book writing and publishing.

So my individual self felt not at all in sincere and full service mode.

Because it serves itself, it is is program. So why it would be so dedicated to serve others?

So i noted it. 

Insincerity would be to note it and turn a blind eye to it.

Which is also ok. Why? Because this reaction would merely proof the sap of the tree has still not reached the throat chakras so no need to push it; it shall in its own time.

So it is my time. 

Because I asked myself the question 

while walking the cycles - and that is key - because the cycles purifies your energy while you are walking, it stirs up the mud and you let it go and you feel more and more the cool breeze and hence your insight deepen and your vision clear out and you become the new you..

So I asked myself why I do not want to help others as sincerely I did help my self to write the book?

Then I felt the words such as: well i got no help, i did it on my own, I do all the job and now freely give it to others and again no appreciation just being used.

And yet I hit a wall within as i felt but i do not want that, ie i do not want to remain like that.

I want to grow, as i feel bore with that cycle of me vs others, doesn't really help me to grow if i don't change my way, ever.

And of course the divine never blame nor judge but i delay myself in my growth

and my growth is up to me, it can happen overnight or in three years etc.

So then keeping up with the cycles

I got that insight such as a clear vision and image of - not a notion nor theory nor thoughts - 

but the vision of the Higher Being not being a concept of being me.

I realised that the other is Me.

That the other and i are the I 

and that my experience shared is helping the I to grow and transform as it helps me the i to grow and ends up as a drop joining the sea.

But not as concept 

I saw it

Like a sea of particles of light 

that merge into one Light and it is the Higher Being the Collective consciousness and THAT is the filter to see life through the throat chakra.

So then I realised the old old me the kid saw life and served automatically based on the automatically ingrained innocence in me - i saw life through the filter of the moodhalra chakra

as and individual who picked a selfish path to experience it - the sap grew in the tree with its good and bad but as it remain stuck in mud - the purification cut off the bad dead branches and pruned the tree so that it became tall, continued its growth and then once it accumualted enough sap and thus experience it could get pruned thus purified.

The tree is in control of itself, as an individual wave, it is a wave because it is purified no more stagnant water as it has let go of extrems such as anger and hate and irritability and sadness, especially.

Now, the wave can become again stagnant if does not keep moving in and out.

This is the art of receiving and giving.

So the Spiriti is at the heart, you don't have to do anything there. SPirit or Light of God is perfect.

You just keep it as Goal. To get the Insight. But nothing to do here at the Heart Chakra.

So at the throat chakra I am working on it, naturally speaking nowadays.

As lately I just remember that the other are not to be blamed nor am i.

But the word other still is there, which means I am still in seperation mode.

Hence the limitation is wanting to sincerely help.

Then while I was for my own problems using the communciation between my spirit and the others'.

I struck me, if I draw upon the help of the spirit within the others and that their spirit serves me while their ego does not. 

Then me too I can as spirit help them!

BUT THE BIG DIFFERENCE WITH THEM IS...I CAN DO IT IN FULL AWARENESS.

While their spirit helps me when i ask it as telepathy;as we are one in spirit as the hoponopono method suggests it

I too can return the help on the gross level; as I am asked for the help.

But now the big difference is I am doing it in full control in full knowledge in full consciousness, it is now my new choice.

So Now as I had in the past picked up the path of experimenting selfishness which helped me to grow my tree and gain insight about myself as an individual energy.

Now I consciousness picked the path of experimenting the Higher Self and Be the Collective Consciousness.

Isn't it exciting? Isn't it there the new growth? 

This also dawn upon me that law is same everywhere. 

Be you a non realised or realised or advanced yogi or mahayogi etc.

The enlightened people always clash because they are under the same rule than the non realised

the refusal to grow, of course the topic are not the same, nor the scope nor the impact, and yet it is.

What differs is the subtlety of the fight 

but the law is the same

how fast you let go is what condition your fusion with the infinity, in other words with the light; ie with the Collective Consciousness, with the I am what I am.

So the whole point is to see oneself and to have that insight of the Collective being as Light 

that is a becoming an insight 

what help i do to the other i do to myself

I am a collection a sum of all the other individual energies

Isnt it amazing if i was just one i would only expereince me

but i am many and i can thus expereince so many in one moment

hence the beauty of relationship

hence the beauty of the collective

and it is the experience of the unconscious and conscious collective at the same time while you are conscious of it.

This is the new adventure and it is now seeing life through the filter of the Vishuddi Chakra; the i as part of the collective consciousness now i am onboarding for the growth of the I.