The Thin Lady

ah am happy
for about let's say a month now
i missed NO day of meditation
EXCEPT one tiny day lol
was because i really did not hear my alarm

otherwise
i managed to meditate every morning
with let's say a 2 hour gap from my routine time

which is a miracle
because knowing that one has NEVER EVER
same timetable, mood, circumstances
and that our own negativity attacks us
as soon as it knows you are going on the right track
it requires a GREAT effort to meditate
when your inner gross energy is saying you
just glue yourself back to your pillow lol

anyway i kiss myself
good work i did
:x mwha lol


today,
THE thing i felt
is the same i felt when i used to be in nursery
may be you felt same?

you know
when i was a child
and started to go to nursery
and we HAD to sleep
this i never got it
always wondering
why making me get up early from bed
to go to school and then sleep there lol!

anyway
i always had there this nightmare
that a very white and thin lady
was in me
and i could feel her
and she was so thin as energy
very light
like a leaf

but suddenly
something very rough
and grooooooossss
was enrolling her from both side

and she was lacking more and more breath

like innerly
i knew it was like she was being
silenced
and it was a death like sentence
for her and for me
as i could feel her

but when i used to wake up
i kind of had this weird sensation was true
even though the ladies told me
was only nightmare

you know
once you open your eyes
from dream you think is just a dream
but you are still living that dream

like in inception
such a great movie makers they are!


anyway!
this morning!!!

i had the SAME sensation
and FEELING

is like your body cell
record all memory
and when it present to yourself
you JUST remember

and i felt the same thin energy!
but this time was OPPOSITE !

she was arising!
and the gross energy
that i had felt both sidde of her
was just merely disintegrating
away from her!

i felt so happy
the reverse!

:)
i knew it was not a nightmare
indeed
by then it was the shakti
which was being suppressed
for when you are a kid
and enter into a man made world
your own innocence
start getting covering up
by the conditioning of the place
and school and locality and country

and so on
where you live

and this is the very Life
and flow in you
and from you
which is being clouded
and suppressed
if you get it not awakened
and re-established

ok i am late
sorry for typo

kiss:x