Lying in Grave

this morning just before getting up
it was like i was awake in myself and as if it was death time like lying in a grave
and it was all dark
and i was wondering 

and now
where i go?

as i knew i could choose the place where i will go.
 but it was just all dark

so when i woke up i was startled to be there again.

while i was sure it was over
over for something new i mean.

...........

so only the body was lying down
i am not my body.

but this is the realisation 
i did not have on the spot

on the spot i was thinking i was that body
and that death came over.

so if the nails i cut
are not me
why would the body that dies 
would be my death?

seen like this it is clear.

and it is also clear 
why we think we died.
lol the dead one thinking about his death
proves he is not the dead body! lol

it is just that because i still 
have not the mental power 
of realising that i am NOT that body
and if the body goes away
i am not finished.

the fact that i be so accutely attuned to my own individuality 
is for the benefit of experiencing life from within elements of a WHOLE.

so this identification 
should only be for the sake of the experience itself.

but to KNOW once with heart, mind, soul (is that what Buddhist call citta?)
that i am The Light of God (Essence?)
it is the true remembering

and ONLY when it happens in this VERY life
while being ALIVE
then 

at the death time
we can REMEMBER it. RE- MEMBER it.

otherwise how could you recall it at leisure
i like to say summon it
summon this light
if you had no prior experience to recall it?




but as we get used to the individuality (for the sake of experiencing life)
when it ends
we think that we end too.

while we only shift in worlds.
according to what we reap in our consciousness(?)
i guess.



hmm.

so we are this light
and have to remember it 
BY the way of experiencing it.

         

And if God's light shows up
everybody would be scared
and run away
in lower incarnations realm.

i wonder how come we could run from fear of the light?

is it because the light uncover us?
because it uncovers us to our own light ?
and as we are not "used" to it
it hurts?

like when someone switches on light
while you are sleeping in your room at night?

so it is a question of getting used to
by way of experiencing 
our own light.
bit by bit.

while if it is just turned on 
all of a sudden
we are hurt.

seen like this
all "bad" experience in life  
is only the sign that light is being uncovered in us
and we are experiencing its hurt
as it is disturbing our habit which had not same amount of light ?

we are in a way being upgraded
and the more we resist the more we suffer.