Looking back at my life

I have to write
some Praise about Spirit
from my experience

again as i was flipping through old files
i realised
all that GOOD PRECIOUS GEM
MY NEW LIFE is

ALL THAT WAS BAD IN MY PAST LIFE

hardly nothing at first
except when i arrived by the end of the road
and could not see anything else
to help me grow spiritually

then
PAIN started
the pain of knowing something BEAUTIFUL exists as new world
but there is NO ONE WILLING TO HELP ME

the pain of
KNOWING THE SOLUTION IS THERE
even guessing is inside
YET BEING UNABLE TO GET IT

then
the emotions of pain
RECORDED IN CITTA/ in my consciousness
that kept popping up
every day
and even stronger
and making me ill to death

only God knows
how ill inside i was
as He healed me later

and then the pain
of knowing that FAMILY see the pain
but they think they are helping
by wanting you to be like them
YET THEY WERE JUST
IGNORANTLY BEING SELFISHLY UNCARING

cause is what you are
when you want others to look like you

in truth.

and what was GOOD
when SPIRIT POPPED UP IN MY LIFE

I gained health
I got saved from pain, and painful memories

cause i experienced how even strong spiritual teachers
are human being after all
and according to their selfishness they are not matching
what only your own SOUL can match
and that is TRUE SELF LESS CARE

i had realised how selfish a person could become
i realised how the HUGE issue of sufi was the EGO
speaking of Ego and yet not telling you that nothing is bad about ego
except that you are just missing the reality of your own true nature that is Spirit
and that could be revealed and remembered by you in a gentle way

instead of being mocked at
or creating some inside group elitism
illness that i also saw in the so called yogi organisation
rule of thumb organisation is a plea
stay away from it

once spirituality gets organised
be sure it will become some sort of sect at worse
and hold much limitation to your progress at best

groups and a teacher
YET are MOST important to create a GOOD ATMOSPHER
AS an INSPIRATIONAL GUIDELINE

cause it is what i partly miss nowadays

now my current limitation is
spirit does let you FREE
with your FREE WILL

but what i miss most
are real guidelines to feel inspired day by day
so that the next day i become a better version of myself than the day before

i feel i am missing
that motivation to wish for more
as i feel quite broken by what i saw so far of people behavior

what people most lack
is honesty, sincerity and the willingness to give others some space to be themselves and shine their own light

but truthfully speaking
i have no more wish to shine my light
cause i can let it shine
but no one really sees it
nor partake in it

at least
i am grateful that i have a good vision of myself when i look back
at what i was and what i am

now

Ameen.

Past and yet near

Time is a very bizarre experience

As i am doing some Spring Cleaning
lol better call it Summer cleaning now

and i was seeing all my past reminders of experiences
reports, writings, travels etc.
i realised is soooooo old
as if was another life time

and yet
when i think of my past
like school, college years, even 3 years ago
it is like was yesterday

Time is really a weird stuff

Waters of Illusion and the Witness State

This morning
as i woke up
i saw in a vision

that i was sitting
in a circle with other people
who were demi-gods

and in that circle
my cup was being passed from one to another
but i noticed
that they were pranking me
in the sense
that each of them
took like water or dust from behind his back
which was hidden
and replaced the water of my cup

and at the same time
i - i.e. my attention - who was in that water
or rather i would call it the plasma
changed "colors" or forms or object of attention
rather, the world, in the water changed
and my world that my attention was engrossed in/ or was living it changed as well..

at some point when
each time a new plasma was put in
it was as if i switched from one drama to another
or from one water to another
or from one issue/play to another
or from one world to another

and at some point i caught myself
from the outside/as a watcher
what was happening
they were the ONES doing it!

so

at some point
i said to myself
they are taking me for a stupid person?
how long they are going to make me turn in circle
while my attention kept following their drama
from one hand to another

so i blurted out
"now stop it, i know you are exchanging
my water with yours"

and then the guy
who was the demi-god in charge
said
"she is clever as she knows what was going on"

i wanted to slap him
just for having annoyed me with that game

end of vision

from what Spirit told me
this scene was about reincarnation
how we reincarnate from one life to another (waters)
and the cup being our true self
that i kept forgetting
and was hard to remember
as once you are "in" the water
you can't possibly look at yourself from the outside
unless you have developed this witness state

so in that terms
is an auspicious dream
as it means that it announces
the end of reincarnation
as i could see the trick
played by the demi-gods
who are somehow in charge of the rules of reincarnation

and that is
once you enter the game/matrix
then you play by its rules
and that is you accept to abandon
the knowledge of Who you are
to be able to play and experience the illusion

cause is antagonist state
by nature, spirit who KNOWS
can't be played by dramas
so if you KNOW you can't experience
as The Witness is by nature detached from the illusion

is only when you abandon
that Heavenly State of Witnessing and thus of experiencing pains and all
that you can be "in" the waters of the drama/experiences

but then
the whole game
is to REMEMBER who you are
that is that Witness
as you TRUE NATURE

i feel i have had enough visions
which explained me the rules of the game
and had enough of good dreams giving me glad tidings of the end of my reincarnation

would like that this be actualized
and experienced in real too...

cause i am not that PATIENT
i may end up slapping a demi-god in next vision

hahahaha
;)
kiss