Is not the End that counts but the Journey

Is strange for me to say
what i am going to say
but i only realised it now that i changed...

I used to look at people as a whole
and think why they bother to decorate their house
and invest so much energy to set things
when they know they will eventually age and die

For me was puzzling behavior
i found it being useless, pointless
and because was purposeless eventually
the behavior was childish and even stupid to me
..seen from above..

After 10 years,
only now
i realised

is not the death that counts
meaning people don't live to die

but they live to experience those moments of life..
because they are precious

though i had lived life
because i happened to be alive

time was not precious to me
i just lived cultivating myself,
doing what i had to do
studying mostly
on my own

most on my life
i lived it on my own

and funnily
all this time i never felt i was alone

is only recently
when i experienced that me too
am mortal

that life for me started
and that i could sense that
all this time i had been lonely

but i could not have possibly realised that before
as only opposites teach us the existence of duality
of what is company
once is removed
what is loneliness

so in the past
i used to observe for a second, life
and just saw pattern
people are born, race to live
against time - like a time war - lost in advance
squeezing a boring routine in their schedule
they call life

and die.

but now...
i realised
while myself i immerged myself in It :
we don't live to die

but to experience these important moments

so in a way..
Death or being mortal is a blessing

as it helps you value those moments,
and each moments if you are lucky in keeping such awareness

and my second conclusion
i wonder ... looking back at myself

Am i an alien?

trying to understand human behavior
because i often feel i try to understand social behavior
that are a given for most people
but for me is not

as i feel i am not part of it