The Obvious that is hidden : I was a hidden treasure and wanted to be discovered

oh
an event made me remember
just a few days before i got self realisation

but let's start with the beginning
when i used to read biography of the prophet
and i had read when was the hardest time of his life
was at mount Taif

was the hardest
because was the time
he was alone
and when you have a message to share
and this message be to share goodness
so that it be of benefit to all

and you are called a madman
for that
then i felt was indeed the hardest time
of his life

as we know
in joy time
all the universe rejoices with you
and gods come and dance with you
and the gods are just Archetypal qualities
over matching group of consciousnesses

which come to your way
and take part in your joy
this is why
the more variety of people gathered
the more authentic the joy is

but in times of pain
you are really alone

but prior to feeling joy
you feel deep pain
and it can't be, i feel,
be any different way

why?
because God
to know Itself
needs to discover itself

like when in islam
is said,

I was a hidden treasure
and wanted to be discovered

something of this effect

so beautiful
and innocent like request
it is

not request
but desire
the sheer desire to see our own beauty

but is like
unless you have a starting point
you can't see beauty

for in truth
nothing exist
not even darkness
except light

but if you are in the creation
manifestation level
you do
i mean your mind
do have the notion of duality

so unless
you feel
the deepest of pain
you can't seek for the deepest bliss

there may be exception
but i speak for myself

is like
and is for sure
pain which shows you
the other face of coin
that is joy
DOES exist

and because darkness and light
are both one in divine spirit
if you have a problem
then, in the spirit,
which is such a huge field of energy
manifested in this world

somewhere
someone
HAS the solution
IS the solution

for nothing exist by itself
in the world of duality
except the spirit
and the spirit Glory is ONE
and WHOLE

and is BLISS

(though i know it not yet
but i feel it IS)

so this experience of pain
as much pain one feels
as much challenge is higher
to transform it into light
and get the final realisation

that indeed
there is nothing else
except God Glory

that is real testimony
that your OWN body and soul
actualise it

when you say
La ilaha illa Allah

for nothing else
remains to be testified
except this Bliss and Glory
of God within

for if it was not within
then how could a dual thing
witness Unity?
except by integration
and transformation into light

so this is WHY
the must is
to surrender

not to surrender
by doing some freaking
crime against humanity jihad
as some insane guys
who call themselves muslims do it

but as doing the TRUE jihad
which is
by the way told by the prophet

the greater jihad
is the struggle of the ego
to surrender WITHIN to God

such people
will never in 30 000 years
be saved
after their death
their soul once awakened
from their limbo
will feel the SHOCK
of having NOT
what they think they will get
some 70 virgins may be
or i don't know what they mind
imagined

think!
and think hard
such people are destroying
other life
so sacred
and condemning themselves
to eternal doom

i really feel pain
in my belly for them
is so sad

so real surrender
is all about YOU and GOD
WITHIN

three key words
and for this you need
to surrender to your shakti within

which myself have NOT surrendered
so far
for i am learning again
from the complicated
to go to the simple

and this is normal

for if the soul was not complicated
it would not
WHEN it discovers the simple
SEE THE WORTH of it!

for if it was all simple
from the beginning

then we are back to the initial desire

I am the hidden treasure
and wanted to be discovered

see?
this is like winding back a tape
and the more
the soul has learned intricate stuff
about life
the more it has POTENTIAL worth

ONCE
it reverts back to the simple
to God Within
and Surrender
to APPRECIATE
and really LIVE
this bliss
and surely
i can feel ahead
the ecstasy of sheer simplicity

for this is why duality exists
to feel the bottomless pit of pain
and all that is so complicated

to surrender it back to God

so that
you experience the highests of Bliss
and see how all of this is Simple

but as i only talk
of my own experience

this is always what happens with me
whenever i challenge God
and i always do
not my fault
i think i am bent on discovering
that limits exist not lol

so innerly
when i had read that story of the prophet
at mount Taif

i had read his prayer
very beautiful one
so beautiful
that i copied it down in my pocket book
and used to read it often

because i wanted to understand
what was his pain
and i said to myself
is it possible to feel pain
when all is so comfortable
and thank God
in your life?

thing is
when you question yourself
then the challenge to God start
why?
because if their is a question
then there is a solution

and till you find not the solution
is like God grind your soul
till you push yourself to find it

so my life was all normal
and all traced
but asking myself such question
led me to wonder bit by bit
more about what is real
value of life
the GREATEST POTENTIAL
that one can make use of
our own life

for if such honorable people
and prophets suffered so much
then it means
there was something MORE
than what the current LIFE
i was living

when my own life
took the spiritual turn
to find the answer

it brought me back
to the VERY week
preceeding my little spontaneous self realisation

only now
i can see how
it was all planned

this is why it is said
in Truth
you see that everything IS
AS IT SHOULD BE

but when you are
in the middle of it
you think is chaos

and INDEED it is
because you are in the cyclone
and not in the center of it
where there is peace

and indeed
if you stop grabbing
at faith
at THIS VERY moment
chaos will destroy you
BUT
if you  grab the rock
as tight as you can
this very chaos
become the VERY path
that had to lead you to God

either smoldered by chaos
or raised to a more glorious
and perfect path
initiated by your desire

so is of utmost importance
to NEVER EVER give up
with the pure desire
of seeking truth
for if you do
you know
what the chaos
you raised
by your own hand
in your life
by challenging God
will smolder you like never

not because is a sin
but because

I am the hidden treasure
and i wante to be known

and always remember
is not a sin
because deeds are judged by intention

and indeed
when you challenge God
is in the true sense of the word
not as a defiance
let me be clear

challenging God
out of curiosity
to KNOW
the deep Truth that your OWN Life is meant to bear

this is my way
to really call
for the experience
to "know" God ways

if i had to live a well throdden path
all planned
as i was heading into
i would have died of sadness
and boredom lol

anyway
that very week
i felt so much at the end of the end
does it exist lol?

that in our house
there was a wooden terrasse
and it was raining so strongly

and not to panick family
i told them is normal
and i am not insane lol

and i went out
and just sat under rain
like for meditation

for i used to sit often
like this to contemplate

but these days was nearly
impossible
so much at unrest i was
and at life crossroads
while i was seeing no solution
spiritually speaking
seeing no breakthrough

i just went there
and sat under rain
and i imagined
that God was cleaning me
with the rain
and purifying me

and that like
my own body was witenessing
this cleaning
for sure
with the same desire
i wanted the same cleaning for my soul

and that as of now
was in God hand

for i had really done
the most i could
and i could no more see
what else was possible
for me
i had no more even options
to choose from
all options
and experiences
at my level by then
were exhausted

to be honest
i was afraid
for it was a stormy rain
and there were thunders
and strong wind

and as i had eyes closed
and the surrounding was so 
this is how you feel
small
and afraid

like a branch of a tree
which could be taken
by a strong wind
and crushed to the next wall
by the chaos

but i did my most sincere
prayer by then
as the body was experiencing this
soul took the testimony
that this purification DOES exist
but is just it sees if not HOW
and needs God for it

when i came back in the house
i remember again
my mom face
she was there with a towel
and she was worried
and in pain for me

this is moms
they are always so
but more important than mom
is your own desire for God
and you have to be true to it
either you desire it or not

and when you do
any little stuff different from
your "sane" routine
people get worried or questioning
is nothing about them
is about you
is just to follow your OWN
inner drive of the moment

the next day
i received a mail
which said
something like,
'do not rush it,
God help is coming'

this just awe strucked me!
like when circumstances
and unknown people
start talking to you
to what was supposed to be
secret to you

and the next day
i got this spontaneous self realisation

at the beginning
when i started to write it
i felt so sad
for this period of my life
was the hardest one

is the hardest part of your life
to remember you have to remember
something
but you just can't
and you know
is about the eternity of your soul
but you know not
what, nor how
even worse nor who could help you

even the best intended people
or family's
thought of being of help
but they were just loading me off
with their own worries

what i wanted was
another pair of eyes
who see in me
and for which i have nothing to say

but that these eyes
could know all of my past,
present
and future

and desire for what i knew not

is crazy
written like this
even more crazy
when you gave up everything
for something that you could not even name

and that you could not even remember

but once the chaos was over
and faith helped me to resist
the Helping Hand of God was there
and It transformed it
to the actual path i am walking upon

that is all by the Grace of God
indeed

and i thank God
for all that Life is

and i wish
that all in my life
keeps transforming itself
till it integrates wholly into the Light
that it has always been
Ameen.

Here is the dua At Taif :


“O Allah! Unto You do I complain of my weakness, 
of my helplessness and of my lowliness before men.  
O most Merciful of the merciful. 
O Lord of the weak and my Lord too. 
Into whose hands have you entrusted me?  
Unto some far off stranger who receives me with hostility? 
Or unto a foe whom you have empowered against me? 
I care not, so long as You are not angry with me.  


and i happen to come across my favorite poem
so is so meaningful now 
in the light of what i wrote :


“Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no, it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand'ring bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken."

(Sonnet 116)”
― William Shakespeare, Shakespeare's Sonnets 
But Your favouring help, that were for me the broader way and the wider scope.  
I take refuge in the light of Your countenance whereby all darknesses are illuminated and all things of this world and the next are rightly ordered, 
lest You make descend Your anger upon me or lest Your wrath beset me. 
Yet it is Yours to reproach until You are well pleased. 

There is no power and no might except through Thee.”