It is Me, It is not me... - part 1

well it has been 3 times
this week

that i noticed
that i don't recognise
myself
when i speak

is W.E.I.R.D.

concretely,
i found myself 3 times
in a trap like situation
while i knew even not
that it is an unfavorable one

but each time
thank God,
i saved myself from long term headaches
without knowing
what i was saying on the spot
HAD some meaning

is too weird
even writing it
sounds weird

for instance
i met a service provider
who had to give me the right pass
and when i looked dubitative
just because i felt innerly a trouble
i just said
"i would prefer the former option
we discussed"
and to my amazement
he ended up
giving me BOTH passes
and asked me to choose
the one fit me most

incredible
is his job
and he ended up
saying to me
choose yourself what suits you best
never ever ever a company does that
impossible

business rule is
to just sell what your ass wants
and the way you want
and never downgrading yourself

and here
he just asked me
to go and check both options
and take the best one

anyway
i just let it go
cause i thought
though to my advantage
may be he is nuts

again
there was no more seat available
for my trip
i was asked just to wait for the boss
and he came and out of thin air
gave me one

and lol
honestly
my heart said no
i liked it NOT
so hehehe
this time i am the nut one

he is providing me
"graciously" a seat
when everything is booked
and i said no lol

so i asked him
if i could still get the seat
i had initially booked

you know
i asked that just because
i really felt not good
for the one he was giving me

and guess what
he did i don't know what
and i ended up with the seat i wanted

it was so fast
that myself i was standing there
wondering
"seriously?!"

anyway
this time i said to myself
you are the nuts one
move on now

and now
just today
what happened?!

i was dealing with another
service provider
and as is a new one
i ASSUMED all background check were ok

i assumed
cause i could not imagine
such fraud existing

anyway
i was about to pay
when again
i said
"please give me first the contract"

everything was about the right timing
otherwise i was in trouble

but this i knew not
again
how could i have guess
background check was not cleared?

plus when the guy has credibility
you don't question it
you just go with the flow
everyone is ok
so i am ok too
as simple as that

and when i said that
he just lost his face
became bitter
and i understood
is not business like manners
and he is a fraud

now
here is the interesting stuff
that prompted me to write this blog
is my very feeling
at what was happening

is like i could clearly see my thoughts
and i was ALL FOR IT
i had totally bought the project
all ok!
very enthusiastic and believing

so i could DURING
the negociation see myself
i mean see my very thought of
"all approved, now go for it!"

YET
out of nowhere
i blurtted out this line
"please let me see the contract first"

and now
i tell you the feeling of it
when i said it

it was like
it was not me speaking
when i say me
is the thought "go for it!"i was SO identified with that very thought
that it was me

but when i said
"give me contract first" line
my "go for it" thought disappeared
i could see it nowhere

there was no doubt
that was a full of knowledge Me
asking the very thing that was going to be a future bone of contention

and nowhere during this time
i went through the confusion
"i go for it or i go not"

so i understand
that no doubt state means
having no clash between your mind
and your Real Mind.
the latter overriding the limited knowledge
of the former
and being so VAST
that there is no contention

contention is when your mind
gets into conflict with an inner intuition
then comes doubt
or when two thougths hit each other
then comes doubt

but the state of no doubt
is when the Mind which is Sea
absorb your mind
which is a tiny river
so no more doubt...

first time EVER i GOT IT!


so,  in my situation
i had taken my decision
i was all for it!
this is the stupefying stuff

and YET
my tongue blurted out
the opposite

it felt like
the thought which was erroneous
was not at all controlling my tongue
and that my tongue was independant
and asking on its own the truthful stuff

again
written like that
it may sound weird
but is all new to me too


it was shockingly clear
i did not recognsise "myself"
i.e. i did not recognise my thought i stood for
i could NOT enact that thought

my own tongue
was protecting me from my erroneous decision
and by then the I that was being acted upon
was NOT the "i" of the thought

this is very new to me
also the second very impactful feeling
i have when i thought again about this

is like a powerful
somehow all-knowing
independent speach
which POP UP
on its OWN

and the image/vision i got
when i went over it
was that of a strong current
that pop up like a geyser

and pushes up
upwards enough
so that i gained the whole picture
and uses my tongue correctly
to ask stuff which are not those i had thought of...

is truly the vision i got
and is very NOT me
lol
is funny
i ended up thinking
would be embarassing
if one day i happen to blurt out
something which should remain hidden
hahahaha
just because the geyser decided to pop up
at that time
:)))