So many blessings

ah so cool
this morning i woke up to meditate
and by the end of it
i felt a real rain
lol remember the 'wet' rain
on the back of my right heart chakra

hmm:)
i love it
it IS rain lol

now,
the day before
i was having a phone call
and while standing
just prior to it
during and after it

i was receiving
literally speaking
buckets of cool vibes

as if someone was throwin them at me
from the ground upward on the feet

then i felt another on the chest area

and the last one on top of head

this time was no cool breeze felt from within without
it was as i wrote as if a presence was throwing it on me

for at someone when i referred to this presence
while being on the phone
another all of a sudden bucket was thrown onto my heart and chest

that i literally said on the spot
ok i am not afraid but certainly am astonished and caught offguard


and i went to sleep wondering who was throwing those buckets of cool vibes to me

and i dreamt
as if was a real life moment
that i was reliving the scene of this phone call standing
and in my room a woman entered
she was all black

and as i got afraid of a presence behind me
opening my door and entering
she apologised
and i told her no is all ok
no harm only surprised

and then she praised me
for being such a formidable girl


and she gave me her name twice
for lol i could not pronounce it correctly
at the third time she had lol to spell it
and finally it happened that i still can't

anyway,
she told me she was the western version
of Kali

:)

after the dream i was living my day
with such powerful and happy mood
that i just had to thank her and accept her blessings :x
so that they fade not away :x


ah, yes
lately a yogi died
he was very advanced
but got stuck at his death time
on agnya and right vishuddhi especially
otherwise all of his right channel was messed up

people said, other yogis too that he died with smile on his face
these are apparences
reality was all other
for where was his smile there:

he was stuck in the limbo
the barzak in the islamic wording
due to his citta being stuck at death time
as i wrote a para about above

so see?
what matter is
as said in hadith
how you die

the state in which you die
is the state in which you will arise
after death

there are many details
i would like to note here
but worth not

for now at least

so first and foremost
i thank my beautiful God
to let me know such stuff
for this is real stuff

and i am so happy
that i am getting poetic lol
gotta write him/her a poem for that :x

anyway
he was trying to catch the attention
of others by moving and breaking stuff
he was very advance
this is why he could break heavy stuff

unless we helped it
without him wanting it
he could have become a demon
this is how demons exist

for demons
are oblivious to their inner God light
oblivious = darkness = power in darkness = demonic power

the ONLY thing to be done
was to get collectively
at least with 3 people
a meditation
by litting incense
WHILE litting it
dedicating it to him

why?
because no chit chat with death helps
they hear not in this case
only Images and emotions and smells they get
so incense reach them
images of this life is on the same as theirs
therefore they do not "realise"
their citta being in a semi-sleep state in barzak
that they are doing "evil"

but if they are not helped
their desperation to find help to pass over to light
may get them violently seeking for light
and even more grabbing the light giving stuff are made of...

which is soul of the individual living there...

anyway
as i knew that it is what was going to happen
and shit would have happened in this ashram of theirs
i literally went there
and grab two people to meditate with me

and dreamt after
that he passed over to the light
to a very high level astral plan
good for him
and good for them...

the poor guy
suffered a lot in this life

see?
whatever he did in this life
if people liked him not
they should have used love to let him know
see
if not working
then you let him
but criticise him not

criticising a dead person
is very bad
for he can haunt you for life

hence the ritual in all cultures and religions
the lowest being the wailing
to let the dead ones know "we care"

while the highest being "love"
but you can't send love
unless you have it
for such feelings after death
can't be fake
the dead ones know if you love them or not

i told you above
only images, scents and emotions reach them
try to fake love and they know it

so,
i dreamt he went away
happy and in peace.

in the past i would have felt sorrowful
why they did not meditate collectively
for i did my best 
to transmit them the right message
for his peace
and their own safety

but somehow
no one managed to gather at least 3 people in there
to relieve this soul and do it
other stuff have been used
except for the very thing to be done
meditation
with 3 people at least
with incense dedicated to him
sending of (real) love and vibes

that's all

but now
somehow
i am happy:)

for i am happy to have helped them
without them knowing that i saved at least
life of two people living there

for he was powerful
but was not doing "evil" on purpose
in his death realm
he thought we were also living on the same realm
so he was just trying to grab people attention
though he was very much desperate and getting angrier

the poor guy, i feel his sad heart may be,
anyway mine is getting heavy
mentioning it
for the lack of attention he received and true love.

best of deed
are deeds done as naturally as water flow
without much noise
for God sees you
and then he/she loves you more

so much that i had this above beautiful dream meeting
with such a great power of God itself

also,
as i was saying prior to it
i would have questioned myself long
as to the whys and nots of people not doing it

now,
i ended up feeling
like a river that flows
and over ride stones
that she meets in her way :)

is like
really i don't care
not in the negative sense
but in its importance ranking

priority for me are sincere people
the others are free to go on the chosen path of theirs
i am no more interested

so the not-happened/done stuff
are to some level of no more concern to me

had it been done
i would have rejoiced very much
and it would have open equally heavy door of blessings
to  them i feel
but is really beautiful to see
how by ONE deed one can miss buckets of blessings

you know why?
because in one deed
the WHOLE of universe can be expressed and contained
when it stems from the heart.

i am JUST understanding it now.

oh and my family member
dreamt of me having a baby
in a push chair
and the prophet muhammad peace be on him
taking it
and bring it up
and the baby was full of light

i think
the baby is only the symbolism
of the child/innocence in me

so i am happy again
to hear only good news from everywhere

today,
by the end of day
i saw after long time
a weirdo girl
lol i call her weirdo
for she behaves like an angel on one on one moment
and like a bhoot lol mwhahaha in circles of friend

for her eyes become black
and her tongue clap like no other talk active person
the poor she
well is the best i can say for her
for she just lack motherly love
hence she wants to fill herself up
with love from all people as much as she can get
bad thing is
she will be like an empty well
however effort she does
for she learns not to respect the other
as her self

as she told me
she plays the nice in front of people
to better manipulate them later
and she was plainly insulting them
behind their back in front of me

i was shocked to learn that
really
can such people exist?
for i can't understand how one can have
one face to them and another behind their back
is above me
unreachable
basically it means the person is betraying her own self
by being hypocrite to her own self
hence she can be so to others...

but is of no concern to me
i guess people get manipulated
for they want it too lol

so in brief
she does favor on people
to force their attention
to manipulate them...

such a looooooooooong calculation
God i am just tired of writing it lol


i gave up trying to help her
sincerity works only for those
who at least SAY they are or want to be sincere
for it is a claim that can be tested by God
but when you wish not for it
God leaves you in your shit lol
to say things plainly

for those who play double game
i just see it
all is in the eyes

and lol in the behavior too.

anyway,
i was very happy of my week end
for i had such a day filled with lovely meetings
as i said

be like a river flowing
over stones :)

kiss:x

ps: by the end of the day
i was holding a baby girl
she was so cute and nice
i raised her kundalini thrice and put it on her sahasrara
and turned her belly chakra

i heard her taking 3 small heavy breathes from it
and releasing it in her chest
and she, who was already so calm,
ended up peaceful

when she went back on the lap of her father
her eyes were FULL
beautiful

:x

Beautiful Life

hmm i woke up this morning
the first thing i saw
was the beautiful light
coming out of my window
and this very spring like blue sky

i smiled
really feeling happy
to be alived
and thank God for such a nice waking up
:)

i love that song
and its music
and the voice
and the aspiration
and the call in it :)

Lyrics to Diamonds Shine bright like a diamond
Shine bright like a diamond

Find light in the beautiful sea
I choose to be happy
You and I, you and I
We're like diamonds in the sky
You're a shooting star I see
A vision of ecstasy
When you hold me, I'm alive
We're like diamonds in the sky
I knew that we'd become one right away
Oh, right away

At first sight I felt the energy of sun rays
I saw the life inside your eyes
So shine bright tonight, you & I
We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky
Eye to eye, so alive
We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky

Shine bright like a diamond, ooh oh
Shine bright like a diamond, ooh oh
Shine bright like a diamond
We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky

Palms rise to the universe
As we moonshine and molly
Feel the warmth, we'll never die
We're like diamonds in the sky
You're a shooting star I see
A vision of ecstasy
When you hold me, I'm alive
We're like diamonds in the sky

At first sight I felt the energy of sun rays
I saw the life inside your eyes
So shine bright tonight, you & I
We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky
Eye to eye, so alive
We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky

Shine bright like a diamond, ooh oh
Shine bright like a diamond, ooh oh
Shine bright like a diamond
We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky

Shine bright like a diamond
Shine bright like a diamond

So shine bright tonight, you & I
We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky
Eye to eye, so alive
We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky

Shine bright like a diamond, ooh oh
Shine bright like a diamond, ooh oh
Shine bright like a diamond
We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky
Shine bright like a diamond, ooh oh
Shine bright like a diamond, ooh oh
Shine bright like a diamond
We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky

source : http://www.lyricsmania.com

Interstellar - Spoiler

Interstellar is a 2014 epic science fiction film directed by Christopher Nolan, starring Matthew McConaughey, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain and Michael Caine. The film features a crew of astronauts who travel through a wormhole in search of a new home for humanity. Brothers Christopher and Jonathan Nolan wrote the screenplay, which had as its origins in a script Jonathan developed in 2007. Christopher Nolan produced the film with his wife, Emma Thomas, and Lynda Obst. Theoretical physicist Kip Thorne, whose work inspired the film, was an executive producer and acted as scientific consultant.
Warner Bros., Paramount Pictures, and Legendary Pictures co-financed the film, while Syncopy and Lynda Obst Productions served as production companies. Cinematographer Hoyte van Hoytema shot the film on anamorphic 35 mm and IMAX 70 mm photography. Filming commenced in late 2013 in Alberta, Canada; Iceland; and Los Angeles. The film features an extensive use of practical and miniature effects, while Double Negative created additional digital effects.
Interstellar premiered on October 26, 2014, in Los Angeles. In North America, it was released in film stock, expanding to venues using digital projectors. It was successful at the box office and received positive reviews from critics, who gave particular attention to the film's scientific accuracy, musical score, visual effects and performances from Matthew McConaughey, Jessica Chastain, and Mackenzie Foy. At the 87th Academy Awards, the film won the Best Visual Effects award and received four other nominations — Best Original Score, Best Sound Mixing, Best Sound Editing and Best Production Design, as well as several other awards and nominations particularly for its visual effects, cinematography, musical score, and the performance of Mackenzie Foy.

Plot

In the near future, crop blight has caused civilization to regress into a failing agrarian society. Former NASA pilot Cooper (Matthew McConaughey) runs a farm with his family. Murphy (Mackenzie Foy), Cooper's 10-year-old daughter, believes her room is haunted by a poltergeist trying to communicate with her. They come across a malfunctioning Indian unmanned aerial vehicle that they salvage for spare parts. They soon discover that Murphy's "ghost" is an unknown intelligence sending coded messages using gravitational waves, leaving binary coordinates in the dust that direct them to a secret NASA installation led by Professor John Brand (Michael Caine). Brand reveals that a wormhole, apparently created by an alien intelligence, has opened near Saturn and leads to new planets in another galaxy that may offer hope for survival. NASA's "Lazarus missions" have identified three potentially habitable worlds orbiting a supermassive black hole named Gargantua: Miller, Edmunds, and Mann, named after the astronauts who surveyed them. Brand recruits Cooper to pilot the spacecraft Endurance to recover the astronauts' data; if one of the planets is habitable, humanity will follow on space stations. Cooper's departure devastates Murphy, and they part on bad terms.
On Endurance, Cooper joins Brand's daughter, biotechnologist Amelia (Anne Hathaway); scientists Romilly (David Gyasi) and Doyle (Wes Bentley); and robots TARS and CASE. They travel to Saturn and enter the wormhole, heading to Miller, but they discover that the planet is so close to Gargantua that it experiences severe gravitational time dilation: each hour on the surface is seven years on Earth. A team descends to the planet, which proves inhospitable as it is covered by a shallow ocean roiled by enormous tidal waves. As Amelia attempts to recover Miller's data, a wave hits, killing Doyle and delaying the shuttle's departure. When the others return to Endurance, 23 years have passed.
On Earth, the adult Murphy (Jessica Chastain) is now a NASA scientist helping Brand with an equation that will enable NASA to launch the space stations via gravity. With his last breath, Brand admits he already solved the problem and determined the project is impossible. He concealed his findings to keep hope alive and put his faith in "Plan B": using frozen embryos aboard the Endurance to start humanity anew. However, Murphy concludes that Brand's equation could work with additional data from a black hole's singularity.
Low on fuel, Endurance can only visit one more planet before returning to Earth. After a tense vote, the team selects Mann's planet, as Mann is still transmitting. However, they discover it is perpetually cold, covered with icy glaciers, and inhospitable. Mann (Matt Damon), who always knew Plan B was the mission's true goal, faked data about his planet's viability so Endurance would rescue him. Mann breaks Cooper's spacesuit visor and leaves him to die, and flees to Endurance on a shuttle; Romilly is killed by a bomb Mann set to protect his secret. Amelia rescues Cooper using the other cargo shuttle, and they arrive at Endurance in time to witness Mann docking improperly. The airlock explodes, killing Mann and causing serious damage, but Cooper uses the cargo shuttle to get Endurance under control.
Nearly out of fuel, Cooper and Amelia plan to slingshot Endurance around Gargantua on a course toward Edmunds on the other side of the black hole while many years will pass on Earth. TARS and Cooper detach their shuttles into the black hole, sacrificing themselves to collect data on the singularity and to propel Amelia and CASE by dropping the ship's mass. They emerge in an extra-dimensional location (although often considered a tesseract, it is stated multiple times that it is a 5-dimensional area - therefore saying that it is a 'tesseract' is like saying that a cube is located within the boundaries of a square), where time appears as a spatial dimension and portals show glimpses of Murphy's childhood bedroom at various times. Cooper realizes that the wormhole's creators are future humans transcending time and space, who have constructed the tesseract so he can communicate with Murphy as her "ghost" and save humanity. Using gravitational waves, Cooper encodes TARS's data on the singularity into the adult Murphy's watch, allowing her to solve Brand's equation and launch the space stations.
Once the data is transmitted, the tesseract dissolves and Cooper finds himself traveling through the wormhole, coming into orbit around Saturn. He awakens aboard a NASA space station and reunites with the now elderly Murphy (Ellen Burstyn), who has led humanity's exodus. Satisfied that Cooper has kept his promise to one day come back, Murphy convinces Cooper to search for Amelia, who is implementing Plan B with CASE on Edmunds's desert, hospitable planet. Cooper and TARS, who was also rescued from space, steal a NASA shuttle to travel to Edmunds's Planet.

source : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interstellar_%28film%29





Very Beautiful movie "Interstellar"

**spoilers**

i loved it
it is my second best movie
after "Cloud Atlas"
only second best
because i need to give a ranking

but it is not less, if not even more, deeper.

i just jot own what i loved.

movie mixing scientific references:
such as black holes, singularity! even that lol
i had read a book about it a few years back
so i was so eager all along the movie

to see what the main actor gonna find
once thrown into the black hole.

though most of time i was guessing ahead
what was going to happen
as i am sharp
yes yes throwing myself roses
but true
so i guessed it right lol


there are so many fine details
and beauty of the message
main message being

they went to space
to find a place
a new earth to live upon

one scientist called the Higher Beings
which communicate with them
by giving clues and info

or even "who placed this planet under our nose"
"right now, when and where we wanted it to be"

all of these were mild clues to these Higher Beings, Intelligence
which are in the 5th dimension.

at the end,
when the main actor was thrown into the black hole
he found himself in the back part of her daughter library

where he was the "one" or "the ghost"
that was communciating with her

so the point is
there is no "they"
there is only "us"

the 5th dimension
is the human being having accessed it
and helping out the ones in the 3rd dimension
and these "Higher beings" can pinpoint the right INFO.

the concept of gravity
which is the one "thing" which is a common thread throughout time
the only thing that can impact a dimension
and the impact can only be perceived
through the feel of Love
meaning,

if the person which is a being from the 5th dimension try to communicate
he is linked to people through a bond/tie
of intimacy/Love
which would haved developped


as the woman scientist explained it so well
when she had to explain the choice of a planet
to go and save her lover
a scientific speaking of love
cf her quote

but above else
i loved her showing
that this perception is based on sth
so this sth DOES exist
as it is eliciting a decision of a direction to give to a spaceship

and this thing is Love
and this "feel"
provides 

a relaxed openness of vision
leading to a closer perception
of reality
of how to gear our acts and choices

toward signs that only the person
in his deepest fiber
knows are meaningful

like the main actor's daughter books falling
by themselves
for others was not important
because they had no link
no perception of the event
which "touched" them

but for the girl yes
it did

and from this place of sensibility
the inspiration came to her
as to understand
decode
the pieces of information sent by her father
from the "other side"

be it literally
or scientifically speaking

by the way
one had this gut pressure
while watching the father from behind
the library trying to save humanity
to help it survive
and evolve
by finding out this right INFO
on time

as she said in the movie
no one believed me is not me
who found the formula
for the INFO we kind of channel them
by being rightly on the right time "inspired"
is not like our mind is as much infinite as the universe is
does it? :)

there are a few more stuff i loved

the key one
being

how the man went out
in the universe
to save humanity

and how he saved it
by returning back home
literally speaking in the back part of his library
and in truth,
he found truth, in himself

so beautiful
he went in the universe outside
the macrocosm

to discover
once he fell
that he is the micro cosm
where he has access to all time and space

and this library
is the symbol
of the akashic records

which gather all knowledge of humanity.

 

Kingsman - spoiler

Kingsman,
first the review
second my notes
enjoy :)

Kingsman: The Secret Service is a 2014 spy action comedy film, directed by Matthew Vaughn, and based on the comic book The Secret Service, created by Dave Gibbons and Mark Millar. The screenplay was written by Vaughn and Jane Goldman. The film stars Colin Firth, Samuel L. Jackson, Mark Strong, Taron Egerton and Michael Caine.
Kingsman: The Secret Service follows the recruitment and training of a potential secret agent, Gary "Eggsy" Unwin, into a secret spy organisation. Eggsy joins a mission to tackle a global threat from Richmond Valentine, a wealthy eco-terrorist. The film premiered at Butt-Numb-A-Thon on 13 December 2014, and was theatrically released in the United Kingdom on 29 January 2015. The film received positive reviews, and has grossed over $249 million worldwide.

Plot

During a raid in the Middle East, a probationary secret agent sacrifices himself to save his team. Feeling guilt over the loss of his comrade, Harry Hart, a.k.a. "Galahad," personally delivers a bravery medal to the agent's widow and his young son, Gary "Eggsy" Unwin, saying that if they ever need help, they should call the phone number on the back of the medal and deliver a coded message.
Seventeen years later, Professor James Arnold is kidnapped by unknown assailants, led by Internet billionaire Richmond Valentine and his henchwoman Gazelle. One of Hart's compatriots, "Lancelot," attempts to stage a rescue, but fails. Valentine, known for his philanthropy, continues to meet with various heads of state and VIPs; some of whom go missing afterwards. He also announces a giveaway of SIM cards, granting free cellular and Internet access.
In London, Eggsy is now an unemployed young adult living with his mother, infant half-sister and an abusive stepfather. Despite being intelligent and capable, he left training for the Royal Marines and lives an aimless life. After being arrested for stealing a car and taking it for a joyride, Eggsy calls the number on the back of the medal. Hart arranges for his release and tells Eggsy about the existence of Kingsman, a secret intelligence agency for which both he and Eggsy's late father worked. In the wake of Lancelot's death, the agency opens a vacancy for a new agent, and Eggsy agrees to apply. He joins a group of other candidates, including a woman named Roxy. Training is overseen by "Merlin," a senior Kingsman. The candidates are eliminated one by one until Eggsy and Roxy emerge as the final two. However, Eggsy fails his final test, and Roxy becomes the new Lancelot.
During this time, Kingsman have been investigating Valentine in connection with the VIP disappearances and notes that Arnold is no longer missing. Hart tracks down Arnold and confronts him about his abduction. A chip implanted in Arnold's head explodes, killing him; Hart is injured during his escape from unknown assailants. Undeterred, Hart poses as a billionaire and dines with Valentine, who explains his views: humanity is akin to a virus, global warming is the Earth's equivalent of a fever, and Valentine intends to do something about the problem before the virus kills the host.
Hart tracks Valentine to an obscure hate group church in Kentucky, where Valentine and Gazelle are conducting a test. They broadcast a signal to his SIM cards, causing everyone in the church, including Hart, to become uncontrollably violent. A mass brawl breaks out, with Hart the sole survivor, while Eggsy, Merlin and Arthur—the Kingsman's leader—watch via video link. Valentine approaches him, and they discuss his plan: to broadcast the signal worldwide, using his satellite network to cause a massive culling of the human race, saving the Earth from further damage. Only a select few that Valentine has deemed worthy of living—those who have sided with him and thus received the protective microchips in their head, and the VIPs he kidnapped—will be spared. Having revealed his plan, Valentine kills Hart.
Eggsy returns to the Kingsman headquarters, where he discovers that Arthur is one of Valentine’s converts. After avoiding Arthur’s attempt to kill him—killing the group leader as he does so—Eggsy teams up with Roxy and Merlin. Roxy pilots a high-altitude balloon vehicle into the stratosphere to disrupt Valentine's satellite network with a missile, while Eggsy and Merlin directly assault Valentine’s mountain bunker. Roxy knocks out the satellite and Eggsy fights his way through Valentine’s security forces, while Merlin detonates the security chips, killing all who were part of Valentine's plan. Eggsy then fights and defeats Gazelle before killing Valentine and saving the world. In a mid-credits scene, Eggsy, now a full Kingsman, reaches out to his mother, offering her a nicer house and a chance to get away from her abusive partner.

 source : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kingsman:_The_Secret_Service


i watched the movie Kingsman
here are some key stuff i jotted down
well i like for my own pleasure to write what strikes me
so is not really tailored for the readers' review
as it lacks consistency

so, just see them as notes

above all
this movie is a great lesson
of how a movie can manage to make people laugh on a planned mass genocide
of humanity..

though i absolutely were amazed at the violence of it,
except for the fireworks part when people's head were exploding.

there were many interesting stuff in it

the main one
was how sim card
were using low waves
to trigger violence
by removing inhibition
from men
and once these waves are let loose
in man

well violence push in full force

the bad guy called valentine
trying to take the "best people" in his "ark"
and to make feel these ones good
over the genocide of others
called them "the elect" like for those of noah's ark

and actually symbolically
he was, as the word was mentioned,
in the movie,
behaving like the antichrist
pretending to be a christ-/prophet like savior
having a God sent Ark

to a confused mind
one could say
well if all the signs are  there
like him wishing to save the earth from
an over crowded and polluting population

as he as crazy as he was
had the ability to clearly express it
to drag people, even some Kingsman gentleman in :

see the wording about virus and fever.


Hence one learn
that a kingsman is not by title
but by his manners

hence the gentleman head of Kingsman
became a treater
and the surburb hero
the most loyal one
and real Kingsman

as "manners make a man".

so this is how you can make
a genocide logically acceptable
provided your own survival is at stake

but never someone who takes himself
in charge of "saving humanity"
would be called a "savior"

a savior
is the one who has saved the others
by protecting them from his own harm
that he contains INDEED in himself
as
the SIM card showed
inner violence and impurity
till not he purified himself from it
as any other does

for as the movie shoed
the sim card
"merely" removed men's inhibition

which means in man a great stock of violence
is contained and remained unpurified
and is lodged especially in the forehead
like in some new age stuff movies
one can find in youtube

this low ID of man/ the non evolved part/dna of him
from his animalistic background
is called the "reptilian" stuff

so once we purify ourselves from these
animalistic and violent energies
which are within us

we recover our access to our
diving nature
which is not to be gain from the outside
but "gained" as in "access gained within"

and thus once gained back
this divine nature
by itself
like sun does
shines
and this shining
like the sun rays
elicite life to thrive

and therefore you become a source of blessing
to yourself
to the others
to the environement around you

and this is the "awaited savior"
the "mahdi"

which is personified
as much as one is purified.

Where is the path?

Truly is a wondrous state of affair
while seeking truth
i knew not
but i was testing the truth of my own beliefs

i was seeking to validate the truth of my beliefs
but all along i thought
i am seeking something new, apart from my current beliefs

thinking, somehow
that some more beautiful and accurate new beliefs
would be gained to perfect the current ones
or my current beliefs were right
but just wanting in deepness

in a way it meant
i thought that my current beliefs were perfect
just not completed

but in truth
seeking means while wearing the clothes
to pass through the fire
and if the fire burns your clothes
than your clothes are not pure

like in hadith.of fatimah.
she is the only one that crosses the path
and the fire burns Her not.

yet, as the clothes i was wearing
where my only shelter
once they were burned
i had no others

indeed
in dream i saw and felt it for real
that i was walking on a path
and the clothes i was wearing got all burned
and there was Abraham on the path

now i know
Abraham represents the religion of fitrah
of the true nature
Then We inspired you: 'Follow the religion of Ibrahim, the upright in Faith'.

upright?
means the straight, upright path
which is ONLY the path of the kundalini
arising in the central channel of our subtle system

while the two other paths
of right and left channels
of action and devotions
are not straight
but their combination
are to be submitted
to the test of the purification
by the fire

so i had lost hope
that i could find truth
as the clothes were my path
and once the path is burned
how can you thread further?

that's the end of your journey
really.

but then,
in the midst of that undeniable reality
that i was pathless
my path being to find truth

i was in anguish

while
it meant simply
as an answer to my seeking:
there is no path to seek the truth
as you are the truth

but how can a corrupt mind
could accept that?
a mind used to slavery of an imaginary path
even though this one was burned
could not overnight evolve
and see itself being the path

how could it?
how could it recognises himself
despite all the pointers?

like of that dream i had
showing me
and me feeling it so deeply
that a new self of mine emerged
from the current sad one
and this ever present self in me
was pure joy, light and brightly shining
like sun
that that joy is my true nature ?

how could i have accepted that ?
how could a blind see itself
even if he is told that he is the one that matters,
and the one that is?

because so far my self
has never brought me that blissful joy
so how could i believe that?

well it had not brought it
because i had never believed it
but was believing in some exterior source of joy

so now that i had failed
i was angry at this joyful self of mine
saying to me 'it is ME'

holding this glorious joyous self of mine
responsible
for if it was ever present in me
as it was showing me
so why had i not experienced it so far
but only sorrow then?

because all along
this shining joyous self
could not go against my belief
to seek for an exterior source

how could it?
as i had done a choice
a choice means you pick up something
and get tested for it

while the thing you pick up not
is silenced

so now
that i knew this inner joyous self
is there

i mixed up everything
i thought if it was there
then i should not have been in such a sorrowful state

 while the right experience and conclusion

 i should have come to :

it was there
but i chose to seek something outside
i sought it
it got tested
my belief failed the test of truth
i was in pain

therefore i should have chosen the inner true self
which true nature is joy.

instead,

i argued :

if my joyous self was ever present in me
then i hold it responsible
becausean ever present truth
don't let falsehood be.


but i forgot
that rule of game
was my free will :

i had chosen to discard It
not willingly
but because i remembered It NOT!
and not chosing something,
is STILL a CHOICE

hence why the quran says
"Remember"!
why sufi do the "zikr= remembrance of God"

and to be honest to free will
one should act like an honest scientific
is like finding the "unknown" in the equation...

(like how to remember 
that you have to remember something?
is just the first difficulty 

and the second one
is once you know you have to remember
you know NOT WHAT.)


...choose an hypothesis
test it with your life
and once failed
admit that your choice was wrong

and when the answer is given
accept it

and don't rebel to ask account
to an ever present truth of not
having manifested its true nature

how could it?
had this very truth in me manifested itself
while my inner choice was wrong
i would have believed that my choice/hypothesis was thus the right one...

(and this is why NEVER EVER a religious follower
can prove his religion is the right one
it will NEVER EVER get any DEFINITIVE sign from God
for God divides NOT, it UNITES as it is already ONE)

and the effect of it
would have been my destruction
because i would have with full force
implemented my beliefs while they were unapplicable
and certainly when you push the wrong buttons of a machine
the machine is destroyed

this is why
when truth manifests itself not
is also for our own good
even though it may contains great sorrow for us
because this very Truth
silently wait in us
in a corner :)
that we accept to let go
so that in its silence
it may walk to us
and manifest itself as it IS.
.........

so while in great sorrow
of having lost my path
i was standing at the door entry of my garden
it was summer time
and i could see flowers having blossomed
green grass
and trees bearing fruits and green luxurious leaves
and sun shining over them

still, observing this
and yet being in full anguish
of having no more path to seek truth
and thus with no more reason to live

i wondered
how if God who was ever Present
could in the sameparcel
gather a spot upon which sun was shining
within it a garden of life blooming


while me who was standing in the same parcel
i was not experiencing same richness with my inner garden?
nor could feel any sun shining on me

how could it be
that on the same parcel
blessed life was blooming
while i was receiving not such blessings
of divine attention

that was such an accute pain
for around me
everyone was living their own life
with their own path

but i was pathless
and knew not how to go on living

now i know
it is because they were still
in the illusion of having a path
and fulfilling it
while having not set the intention to test it

while i had tested that my path
existed not
but i was not understanding
that it was not a punishment
but that without knowing it

i had sought to test it
without knowing i was doing that
and it got tested
my illusory path and life
got tested
and they passed not the test

one may think is a failure
when our path fail test of truth,
isn't it?

but no
it was the biggest achievement
ever

by not passing the test
only then
i could give it up
not by will
but by the reality of the test itself
which burned it

result was
that my path got burned
and there was no path

but by then
my difficulty was
how to go on living
if there is no path
then how could i grow
and go on with life

for i needed to SEE a PATH

it is only
when the sun started
shining on me too
that i saw my garden blossoming too
that i realised
that i was the path

no belief
ever
can be the path

only the actual you
IS.

it is when i started to feel
the holy spirit within
--within without