Kundalini Mild Arising

meditation result of today

there was a happening with someone
that i was trying to help out
and as most people
this someone was not sincere with herself
so she thought i was doing to herself what she was doing

lol

so silly details are not needed

so on the spot,
i felt really angry and bitter
and sad
for this lack of intelligence
well lets' say it for this stupidity
and lack of trust

for i think the person still gets it not
i JUST wish to help out because she ASKED me for it
and because i care
not because i have any gain from it
i just feel restless when i see people making uninformed  choices
i prefer to tell them
and THEN they can decide
then i don't care for it is THEIR choice
and i have no regrets
for i would have done my job IN ALL TRUST.

but when a person ask me for help
and then change mind in the middle of the path
just because of her own fear
and then ask me not to tell what is true
this i find it aberrant

luckily
i said her what i am writing here
and she got it
no more tension
and the RIGHT information reached the RIGHT person
who WILL BE IN ALL KNOWLEDGE
able to make HIS choice

of course, that is the MAIN goal of mine
to give the people i care
the RIGHT info so that they make INFORMED choices
and yes thereby have the best life opportunity

i feel sorrow otherwise
to see them starting their life on wrong basis
at same time i never impose
because i know decision is theirs
but i want always to make SURE
i explain as clearly as i could
for their own benefit

my weak point for now
is my anger
i am really not diplomatic when angry
hahaha
to say the least

but at least
i see it
and i can correct it:)

and i did !
today,

here is the point of my post

after i felt so much angry ...
i said to myself raising my kundalini and meditating is a MUST

the other times
i KNEW i should do it
and i did not
because i wanted to settle the matter
by my mind
by my emotions
why?
because it felt MORE REAL
i could see the effect of my reaction
on the person or i could anticipate the effect of it on them

while meditating
on the moment gives you NO effect
on the VERY situation past.

but if you meditate
ON the SPOT
it calms you, brings you peace
because it purifies your emotions and mind
thus your both channels and mind too
then as this energy transforms
its effect will be seen LATER
when you will TEST it
when you encounter the very persons

with time
i learned to meditate on the spot
but what i did was meditating 30min at best

but that is not the key
the key is to meditate TILL I calm down
because this means the kundalini would have ABSORBED my tension

second key is to meditate WHILE walking

the walking part has nothing to do with the sitting
it is WAY more powerful in purification

which by the way i never managed to teach it to yogis in paris
i hardly taught the sitting part
that i realised they are so conditioned lol
yea

if you say you teach a new method
they think
oh it is NOT what mataji told us

and if you show them it is IN LINE
with her OWN TALKS
they say
well nothing new

see?
on one hand the conditioning?
on the other hand the uselessness of their perception?
and in the FIRST PLACE
do i ASK you to COMPARE?
i ask you to TEST it for yourself
do you feel cool breeze MORE than usual?
do you FEEL IT DEEPER than usual?

if YES
then,
stop it with your comparison
apply it
and progress you too.
that's all 

if i wanted to explain
which i don't care
because for me a sincere person say it in front of me
to get a clear answer
but when hidden
it means "i don't care"
neither do i lol

so,
point is
till you do not go over your OWN conditioning
you will never integrate bits of yourself into this light
so sahaj yogi are conditioned by their "own" thoughts of what should be or not
as meditation.

for the story
i met a french sahaj yogi in Italy
and there all people in the castle mediated with me
on this method
and were enthused
why?

because they tried it
tested it
noticed it worked
stronger vibes than usual
on the spot effect
for a tcheque girl even had an amazing experience
of feeling a downpour of light on her sahasrara
yes eastern yogi are very much devoted

and the french guy told me
once an indian yogi
had a new method of meditation
he said a bit like yours
he showed it to shri mataji
and she validated him
saying
but do not teach it to all
they won't have the level to understand it

in brief,
you are a true sahaj yogi
you are open to any method of meditation that makes you progress
and you know it is true
for you can test it
and see if you feel stronger vibes
more deeper silence
you see if the person teaching you is progressing

and then you conclude

but concluding before trying
is judgemental
and sheer conditioning

second,
if i may add
once you feel cool breeze
you do not get self realisation FULLY
only 0.00000000000000000000000000001% of it

so while after 10,20,30 years most of sahaj yogi i met are STILL
on that level
having ONLY entered the gate of heaven and this NOT in an ESTABLISHED connection/way either
which means permanent

others i can say are RUNNING into heaven
having passed the door entrance since LONG
and are ascending higher and higher
and of course
their learning will seem different from shri mataji

but in no way the former can benefit from the latter
due to their conditioning
because they are stuck on ABC
and try to judge MNOP by the standards of ABC

had not shri mataji asked them to meditate
in more intensive way
very early
and every day?

YES
so when the base is not there
why do they judge those who are advancing
when themselves they have not established their connection
as others did.

back to my walking meditation
i was doing it
and when i started
of course
my mind was full
attention everywhere except on vibes

so i used intent
i intended to give up on such people
not to care anymore for them if themselves they decide not to care for their own self
i realised that only i can trust what is in the NOW
and that is this cool breeze
so my attention went back to it
and i stayed with it
and i walked so
and suddenly i felt my kundalini arising in my back of the head
it is the back agnya
where the conditioning about society is stored
and

THE KUNDALINI
MILDLY
BUT SURELY
raised my head!

this MEANS
i did NOT
usually when we meditate we straighten our back
spine, head
to HELP KUNDALINI to ARISE

so we USE a self conditionement
to INDICATE to kundalini

we are ready 
by mimicking AHEAD of time
HER work
and tell ok you can pass there lol

and indeed
this time
She arose midly
and i felt my back of head straightening up
as if an exterior hand would do it!

so i was happy
coolness increased
and i went on with my walking meditation


here it is :)
i have found much more about my black out experience in dream
that i wrote in the precedent post
but would write it in another post another time.

yes let's call it so
black out experience
lol is strange the black out happened when i was sleeping hahaha
kiss:x

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2015! - Path of Enlightenment

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2015

so i woke up at 3am

and could not sleep again

so i lit  candles and intended to start meditation

and of course

i got asleep

deep sleep :)))

in dream

at some point

i was talking to some yogis

to tell them openly in their face

how ridiculous they are 

because the rule was

to say everything right now in their face

and NOT behind their back

after hearing it they do what they want

and me too i can move on

and it turned out to be a "moment of Truth"

so much that so many people gathered around me

so many there were that i had to stand on a chair to be able to talk

and see them or be seen

up there i saw some guy who was on the branch of a tree

and was about to fall

so i kind of quickly calculated how he could be saved

and how people could draw matelas to soften his fall.

instead

oh my gosh

some numbnuts brought a small truck

he fell into its mechanic

and was being worked out into pieces

like charlie Chaplin in his mechanics

if you saw this one

oh i just fell on my bed

and cried my heart out

because i got a nervous break down

how come it worked not out to save him

as i planned

then suddenly

a voice and the presence said

"do you still hang on the form?"

as when the voice said that

it was referring in telepathy to this accident

that i could see it again happening in my mind

so when i heard it

in all honesty,

i gathered all my mental force to say yes

because i could hear in my own mind

all the forms that exists

like bricks of consciousnesses

that one can manipulate

to make life better and save people

words of "economy, politics, religion ..."

and so on

came into my mind

so as they existed in my mind

i use them to think

to THINK of how to MOVE them

for my necessity

to HELP out

and soften the fall of a person

but i realised it was not true
because despite my hard work
he FELL horribly


then i struggled and was about to say yes again that
forms exist
but then, i surrendered and fell crying on the bed
and admited it is Formlessness
which is behind the fall of this young guy from the tree
and letting it goes mashed into the mechanics of this word

because it is not the forms
that can be powerfully present behind to move stuff
to save him
but only formlessness is that powerful living fabric encompassing him
and all that is (even this fall)

ah yes remember, when in a hadith God says even the falling of a leaf is in my awareness?
i guess this is what this very fall of the guy refered to when i finally admitted "only formlessness
is behind this".

but then,

the voice said 

this time was a sort of different voice

like voice of a collective group of people

of a far off place i belonged to

"once upon a time"

(i guess i feel like calling it home)

that you are from that far off place

(i forgot the name ? anyway is a far off place )

and the people on earth are from this far off place named so and so

and they are all now on earth which is the place where people called so and so have been living

and that i should transmit the message

of the formlessness

then

bham!

all my mind

my attention

or my vision

was FILLED of a HUGE GREAT DARK (like in black, not negative connotation)

SILENCE

as if

that silence

was a HUGE LIVING BEING IN ITSELF

AND IT WAS SO HUGE

AND I WAS JUST FILLED IN VISION BY IT

and i saw a fine rain

falling on a white mist

which was filling up this Huge Living Being of Utter Silence/Darkness

which was filling up this HUGE SPACELESS LIMITEDNESS

FORMLESSNESS

i got afraid 

because of how

so powerfully limitlessly and namelessly "Here" it is

so powerfully being ONE it was PRESENT

with nothing else 

(la sharika la = and HE has no associate - this is the meaning of the testimony of Oneness by muslims that they AIM to reach. but comprehend not in reality HOW TO. as they think they are ALREADY there. think if you were already there as in the experience, not as in theory, for in theory you are there. but you can't be there unless you REALISE you are there. lol makes sense?)

and the fear

existed

because i felt inside

i knew it is here (like all do)

but on purpose i was doing all to not remember

because

who wants to remember its origin

which is this HUGE POWER

because i feel

the limited ego/personae (ego here is not negative, it points at the individual effort

to assert himself and exist as individual)

is afraid

to realise, know, remember

that it came from that Overpowering Oneness

and even now
when i try to remember this "Bham Silence One Powerful Being"
i feel it is very living Being
but could not comprehend

and now i do 

it is dark because it's not seen..by itself!

spirit vibrates billion times a second

only in manifesting is it ,,seen,, that's the need of creation

so if it is so fast in sound it is silence to ears

because beyond ear range

and for ears is unheard - hence the silence

 yes..it sounds like silence..yet is the source of everything

and beyond eyesight range

i felt like it was abyssal BEING of Silence

yes this is the right word

with no edge

no limit

thus no form

the sound of silence,, remember the song?..lol

ah! it makes sense now!

i used to wonder why the word "sound" for the silence 

because it is A HIGH RATE OF VIBRATION of SOUND

AND NOT A LACK OF SOUND 

in a way it is a lack of sound in our LOW RANGE of sound 

because ear cannot hear it due to its LIMITLESS

and i got on net you know..Richard Rose had the same experience as mine?

when he got enlightened

he passed out

he saw himself on top of a mountain

and then saw so many people and among them himself!

trying to go up this mountain

so it struck him 

but if this guy over there is me, 

who is the one who is seeing him!

it is his attention who shifted out of his body

so he could see his body and others too

the true self..!

and later he got his enlightenment!

and he got this vision

after he got a trauma

because he found out his girlfriend was a lesbian

got back home

started meditation 

and got this  vision

later enlightenment

so he learned it the hard way

with TRAUMA

this is WHY suffering HAS ITS USE

it FORCES YOU to turn inside and meditate

but if we wait to be OK 

then no BREAK THROUGH of kundalini

what yogi forgets 

play in manifestation

trying to beautify it  by manifesting their spirit of Love

is ONE THING

and is JUST PLAY

an agreeable one but nevertheless PLAY.

of joy of up and down 

of power play

of who is the "precious" group over the less important group

who is the "old" yogi over the "new" yogi

and so on

funny to LIVE as PLAY in MANIFESTATION realm (dunia as we call it)

call it heaven on earth in its best version

but TEMPORARY (hence dunia word)

but the ETERNAL BEINGNESS

is MORE GLORIOUS 

WHEN YOU FIND YOUR TRUE ORIGIN WITHIN

that you are the LIGHT OF GOD WITHIN

so after play

there should be equally if NOT MORE

the serious desire and DRIVE to meditate intensively

alone AND in group

which sorry to say exist not at least in France

second

yogi confuse it(this goal) with the spirit at heart level, 

which manifests ONLY LOVE

it is a lower level

then once the spirit ASCENDS

ABOVE heart

ABOVE mind

and is at the SAHASRARA level

THERE

the spirit is THE TRUE SILENCE

PEACE AND ALL

is THIS THAT A TRUE YOGI SHOULD AIM AT

it is MORE THAN THE PLAY  

AND 

wait

when i woke up 

i was in that total silence

like in meditation

incredible impression of that power in which i was/am

and then

i remembered 

when i used to be a student

once i dreamt 

a gift box was laying down for me

inside i saw a dark space 

when i put my hand to grab it 

it was like a dark void

i could not touch it 

it was just like space

and around it was a wrapper

with all the beautiful names of God on it

and a wind came and took that wrapper off away

and i started to run behind to fetch it back

then later on

i realised

as imam ali said in his Book of Eloquence

do not confound God/Allah/He who is

with His Attributes/beautiful name

for his Essence is Formlessness

(roughly it is how he said it)

yes very true

i was by then, 

being shown in the gift box

this TRUE ESSENCE OF GOD

OF THE SPIRIT

which is dark because It cannot see Itself

and eyes cannot see due to Its high rate of vibrations

and this formlessness is the gift promised to me:)

and by then, i was running after the beautiful qualities of the spirit

manifesting the beautiful Names of God/Allah

another vision i remember
once during that same period of time
i was praying (doing the salah)
and reading the verse of Sincerity (surah Ikhlas)
it is called the chapter of Sincerity
and it speaks of He WHO IS
THE ETERNAL ONE

and again
i got the vision
that i was being in the presence
of a Living Breathing
Dark Wall

imagine
by then i knew not
but now,
all fall together
and it makes sense

finally.

so yes :) i am happy

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2015 

I AM ON MY WAY TO ENLIGHTENMENT 

:))) 

 

ah! incredible
look at the first words
SONG sound of silence
featured on the album "wednesday 3am"!

ah! can we make it more coincidential than that!
in the night of wednesday to thrursday at 3am too! i got my Sound of Silence Vision


hehehehe
tooo cool!
kiss:x;)

Experimenting awareness in daily life

oh!
today was my 40th day of intensive meditation
... well i ended up not waking up.

lol:)))

it passed really quickly
ok let's go on now with more inner devotion
is next step :

intensive meditation
with more inner devotion.


today i have seen my meditation friends
after long time
they reminded me that already 2months had elapsed!
i can't believe it i thought it was not EVEN a month.
so much time flew lightly for me.

my first impression when i was in the group
was that i felt different.
yes the people are our mirror
and without them you cannot see yourself / experience yourself

well,
my impression was that i felt SO MUCH MORE grounded than all surrounding me
and when out of blue someone asked to make a commentary
which i could have refused out of shyness of the unexpected way it was asked,
well i found myself so grounded and IN while commenting on the spot.

this astonished myself
and during the day too
when i met complete strangers in the streets
i found them smiling and talking to me as if we knew each other
which is totally brand new

i even saw myself
having more self confidence

where does it come from?

lol i won't recognise myself
and yet i do feel yes, i do feel more aligned with my true self
yes this is the word

i would say i do and say what i should do and say on the right time.

there is no second guessing
inwardly questioning should i or not
that just flows out by itself and lead me to follow it.

i love it really.
life is easier lol

second, the awareness
i surprised myself of pinpointing awareness in PRACTICAL way

what i mean
is before i would KNOW that awareness is a state to be reached
but i would NOT know its place and how it adjust itself and BENEFIT in life

well flash news today it did!
i realised
that awareness is having the solution RIGHT ON THE SPOT
when we need it
yes! indeed
how could you be aware?
what does it mean?
is to be aware........................................of..........................solution.
of your surrounding and THUS of the solution.

only a practical example
i did not wish to eat dessert,
so not to spoil it, i asked it to be packed instead
and lol i get to packed for me
i wondered what i was gonna do with two portions of that.

anyway,
i was in the metro
and a beggar entered
yes i feel sad for the beggars
there are so many now and of all ages
imagine so young and others who are so ashamed that they become red faced
while they should retire, they are begging

yes, when i will be rich
i will take care of them
you can be SURE of that
and i feel crying from happiness
to know i will

of course, there should be a fruitful method to do it
but this is priority number one as project.

so, as the beggar asked anything
even a piece of bread
i was saying to myself i have no bread

lol imagine how the mind is close minded
then when i watched my bag,
i became aware that i do have desserts packed
and here was his dessert

when you think of it
i feel really becoming soft hearted
when i thought back
how i was packing something for him
without knowing it was for him.

isn't it beautiful?
you act out of faith
while not knowing why
and after you see it is true/it has a very definite purpose.

of course, later i realised i had also money in pocket
but THIS i did not get aware of it!
see?

this is i think how one can test one's awareness

by seeing
to which extent we find the right solution (word, deed, act...),
ON THE SPOT.

so, definitely,
i am happy to have done this retreat,
it has saved my progress in meditation
a bit more and i would have become meaningless to myself.

to become meaningful to oneself
one should just be able to enjoy the present right?
and this is also why we get angry, because we see no solution
and we try to enforce solution on/from others

but it starts with ourselves first.
then, whether others follow or not
it is their choice
at least you are yourself
and are in joy when you discover such things

good night
kiss:x
ps : i just finished writing the blog, and it smells rose perfume!
ah am so happy
i should hug myself
good girl
hahaha
oki i stop it

good night

The Library - Alaya consciousness

ok my meditation is regular
but has lost its early intensity
it feels like it becomes harder and harder to wake up
anyway, LUCKILY it is STILL on

and i am AIMING at making it as GOOD as i wish

ok
this being said,
i had a few days back another day dreaming vision
yes i call it so
when i am not sleeping

so as i was meditating
i entered a library
full of books
and in it
the voice said
"this is the wisdom of the Mind"

then i turned and saw
two men and a woman
looking inside of a ball of light
which was placed in a  cylinder
(vertical)


the feeling was quite good
and it felt like NATURAL
NORMAL

what i mean
it was as normal as if i am living this life
or when you switch one channel of a tv and you see another

except these ones are really pleasant.

so i learned that
the library is the Alaya consciousness
or also called the "collective matrix"
 or collective citta

imagine :)
it means
from this point everything EVER imagined
and EVER happened is recorded THERE

WAY TOOOOOOOOOOO COOL
SUGOÏ


a sort of a God's Super Duper computer ;)

is always evolving..always experiencing ITSELF(GOD) through its images(creation/beings/forms/time/space..consciousness)

ah! again so cool

and it makes sense.

the library...is in fact a symbol of,,the VERY reason,, of creation?..see?

and yes, 

as i wrote,

and there were three tall people around it

like they were looking into it

as one look into it as for visioning stuff

i think there were two men and a lady

......the father/son/holy spirit..holy spirit is female creating...father is the awareness..son is the spirit..got it?

 
ah
before and even today
i kind of forget the aim of visions
which is to know
that something better exist

by then
before myself realisation
i "waited" this to come to me

but now,
i KNOW
it is for ME to CREATE the life i want

i tell you guys
my LIFE gonna be awesome
why?

because ALREADY it is AWESOME
since the first day i got self realisation
and it is NOT a trend which is getting down bu UP

the ONLY thing is
I FORGET

lol
that i CAN be more creative
and when i say creative
it just means
i can at EVERY MOMENT
CHOOSE to be ALIGNED to myself
and BE myself

the creation
comes by itself
like atoms are drawn together
and then the molecule of waters are formed

the molecule exists not BY itself
hey it is me the H2O molecule

but it is a formation, a cluster of these atoms
that were drawn to it

same for our lives
we need to REMEMBER
to make everyday GOOD choices
GOOD because our belly feels GOOD when we do it
and not because it is the social norm
learned by our head
and monitored by others
to please them

easy said than done
but it is the natural flow
that we lost
while children still have it.

good morning
kiss:x

Baptism

still going on with my intensive meditation
to be honest most of it was intensive meditation
in average i would say i missed one day a week
by forsaking my alarm clock in the morning lol

and three days in a week i did not get up ON time
this i mean
to get up everyday to meditate early at the SAME time
because this routine is important

as we say in islam
angel comes at same time
they got used to with us
so routine is really important

there is one dream
that keeps coming into my mind
so i guess till i don't write it
it will keep coming

so i better share it
so that it stops pestering me lol

so when i was sleeping
i saw in a vision
being put into a bucket of water
you know like in the old past
the huge bucket of water
in one like this

so i could literally see my face
going out  for air
but being put back by a hand
and as Latin words were being pronounced

"Michael angelus"

so on the spot on the vision
i  guess it was the archangel Michael

but next time
i hope i won't get apnoea
i prefer to get baptism of water
with a nice touch lol

cross finger
i should get my so-long-awaited breakthrough, neh? :)

haaan
i want it!
lol

kiss:x