Before the Afterglow

i saw you because you saw me
as an angel you came and healed me

healed from what i was aware of and not
you came as a generous wind
untying all of my knots

so that everything may now flow
you make yours what was mine
my pain became your healing

and made mine what was thine
so that your beauty became my new identity.

I am aware that you are aware that i am aware of you being aware of me

Yeah! my first embedded extract of a video!

ok tell me one thing,
WHY when the guy got AWARE that she is AWARE of not only of his hidden defect BUT ALSO of HIM being AWARE that she caught him.

THEN WHY ON EARTH he STILL PRETEND that he is NOT aware?

that beats me!

for it is SAME in real life,
and i DON'T GET it :)))

ps : by the way, the title of the MOVIE i JUST realised! answer my question LOL hahaha.

Love and KISSES to Turkey! :)

i went to Turkey!


my brother asked me to choose for a destination
so i scanned in my mind the European map
and i felt the pull for Turkey

that was. AWESOME

i HAVE to make a video so beautiful the pictures were.

well,
having two cameras
one of my mobile phone and the classic one
i felt a bit at times cursing the fact that i am NOT FREE
for instead of simple feeling free to enjoy the beauty of the scenery
i wanted to possess them! this is why i was taking so much pictures
and the more i took pictures, the more i felt thirsty for more inside.

so odd.

then, i wondered WHY i took pictures,
it is because i wanted to share the images i had in my mind with others
but so far,
no one took the time for it,

lack of time
lol ridiculous
so i better do a video
with pictures
and my own commentary
and with a nice beautiful song

then! everyone will let it sink within lol
as one says ;)


second,
what i liked about Turkey
is the fact that i felt a bit empty when i came over there at the airport

for i had always travelled to places i was "in control" of

like in uk,
i could master the english,
and had also family over there
so i was going into a box

same with pakistan,
i speak the language,
and have family over there too
therefore, yes it is totally an ODD, but STILL a box

same with other countries

but for Turkey
NIET!
there was no language skills
i even had NO time to look for how to say hello!

let me remember now?
Güneiden , is it how we spell it?

but by the end of the trip my brother and i could compete in a game
to name each at least 10 cities of Turkey lol!
and also we learned some words like

Tuz : salt
Buz : ice cubes

hehehe,

ah yes, also,
Tshakur : Thanks
lol i tried to use it in the airplane, so easy!
hardly whispered it lol

cities ?
let me remember
let's see if i win in the 10 cities to be remembered :

Istanbul, Ankara, in the region Cappadocia there were Göreme, Ürgup, Nevshehr, after Konya we went there too city where Rumi has been buried, yep:) i prayed there and send him my salutation hehehe

some cities missing : Bursa, Batman, Samsun, hehe, no we visited them not. just to win the game.

oh in istanbul there were two sahaba (companion of the prophets) who were buried
one nearby the blue mosque,  but i learned it when i departed from Turkey,
and another one that we  came to visit his mosque by chance,
it was mosque Fatih, and the companion was Ayoub bin Zaid? i think

back to cities, we ended with Antalya, the sea side city, sooooo awesome and beautiful.

i have to make a post by cities. really. i came at the pier of the city. by night i reached it.
it was the last hours and the last visit before we went away. and when i arrived, the call to the prayer of maghrib had started.
so awesome, i was in front of the sea, i could not see the sun setting, but steam ship sliding on water
and sky darkening, and i was on the pier, lol my mother would have seen me so, she would have made a heart attack, for it was not really safe to stand like that while below is the water.

very nice conclusion of the trip with this awesome picture.

yes, when i came to turkey,
i felt like i was free
like i had no personality known in my routine
nor any name, nor any characteristic that people would remind me of
by their way of deal with me in the same normative way.

you know it feels like they play ping pong with you
they keep sending the same ball
with no variety
always the same move

of course, in Turkey it was impossible
because the only person who knew me was my brother
so he could not compete with the rest of people i met
so it is only with him i would remember i was so and so

otherwise the rest of time
it was like i had no delimitation
even of body
it was really ONLY LANDSCAPE

as you DIVE into the landscape

so much variety of landscape, climates and geography and also people we witness
and also we discovered not only their culture, history but also their economy.
indeed we visited hand made carpet fabric i mean,

i gotta show your pictures of them,
of how they are made and  all the process from the insect from cocoon to the carpet we could touch.
amazing

such a rich country

it would have been sorry i had not shared all of that on the blog
for it is like i took so much of the country
and as we know if you fill up your jar,
you have to empty it by watering plants around,
so that it may be filled up again.

that is true and real appreciation.

also, the fact of being so free,
it felt like your were taken from a short river which used to be your routine
and now being dived into a larger sea
and just the change of water let you know naturally of your excess

my excess would have been,
the routine of judging situation, circumstances and people
ok i am not a bad person, but UNCONSCIOUSLY i did it
this is WHY i had likes and dislikes

while over there i had no such like and dislike
everything was a discovery
and then it went on its way
no judging or grouping of what i like or not

actually only by staying in a move, or current?
we can let go of what we, out of habit, get used to cling to
be it out of like or dislike.

also, my second strong impression,
after the one of feeling so FREE and LIBERATED

was that of JOY
i wanted to buy gifts for each person i chose to
and it has become a moment of JOY
which was filling me
i really felt at the level of the stomach,
being FILLED
once i bought stuff for people

like i DID something meaningful for this person
yes,
because i realised,
these realisations came all the way during the journey
BIT by BIT while i was experiencing the buying

it was like the gift in itself was not much worth
for imagine if i had just bought a copy of it in France
and pretended it was from Turkey?

no, it has meaning
because on the spot i was PUTTING IN
my OWN impression.

it is like the gift was a TOKEN
that you USE to fill it in
with the sun that was shining around,
the sand of the mountains
and the desertic landscape
and all of the natural local riches

you were all of it,
putting it in this token
that was called the "gift"

for when you OFFER the gift
it is like you are offering a STREAM of energy
that is coming from Turkey
and was born of your OWN experience there

so it is this like that beams around the gift
and then is seen on the face of the other person
who receives it.

and NO,
i felt NO burden at all while buying gift
as it could be when people out of the MUST of christmas
have to be FEEL the weight of the PRICE of the gift list lol

yes, i was feeling the JOY of buying the gift
AS IF i was buying it  for myself

it is because i was seeing the joy it would be felt by the person
and THEN as i was witnessing that feeling
so i was ME TOO experiencing it

without the burden of piling up gifts in my house lol
hehehe that i would never look at again
why?
because i received ALREADY from Turkey and its gifts
so what MORE  could i possibly grasp by having these gifts at home
and watching them?
nothing more growing or fruitul.

WHILE if i offer them to people around,
THIS WILL provoke a reaction, a CHEMISTRY and WILL produce its fruits
and that i could SEE and experience the sign of it in ITS growth. and it will become
who knows my NEXT over night growing bridge for a NEW experience.
for we are all ONE. and the CONNECTION should NOT be neglected.
Wealth, LIFE MUST circulate in the WHOLE,

before reaching you AFRESH.

this is why,
when you do good to others
ACTUALLY  you are doing good to your OWN SELF

finally,
once the gift is given,
it is not like it has ended,
you don't know what new seeds have germinated and then blossomed
in the other person WHILE receiving it

may be the person felt that kindness as a true mark of appreciation
for he/she was not forgotten? nor limited to only a professional role
but also was seen in his dimension of being a human being?
that he/she was present in the very mind of a person while being abroad?

and of course, there are other benefits to it too,
just one has to discover them by experiencing them.
who knows?

yes, the group we were in
they were all so different,
some were professional journalists travelling in countries
others went to Africa and lived there long time
others were from a variety of professions like doctors
or sales persons.

but what was surprising
is that people can very quickly pinpoint
who you are as a person
when travelling in a group.

so as i always said,
if you want to know the real worth of a person
just goes with him to a nice trip
and see how he reacts.
his inside comes out. due to challenging circumstances.
and if he has a WAY to grow, then ALL GOOD.
if none. then failed! :x:)

every person would have a major traits of characters,
and everyone would be able to pinpoint it as a consensus,

one would be called as being a non collective person vs collective one
another one being filled with anger
or very analytical and kind
or distant and erased
etc.

that was funny,
but as a whole

i was so pleasantly surprised by the country,
it was a rich country, filled with so much of local wealth, riches,
and kind of people

i LOVED hearing the azan/call to the prayer in the morning at the hotel
the first day
i wondered when i woke up,
where am i? lol

for i had only heard it in Pakistan.

the climate was so much changing in central turkey
in the same day, we got rain, wind, sun, rainbow! i took a picture of it!, and SNOW yes!
snow! i took a picture of it too! in case people are sceptic :))

the carpets color were so vibrant, colorful and amazing, that when they rolled them out 
in front of us one by one
it felt like a symphony (of colors) as a woman called it! :)
so true!

i have to show you the pictures of it.

we learned a lot about hand made carpets vs industrial made ones.
i have to share about it too.

:)
the only regret would be that the development just
erase the local riches
for i loved to stop at petrol stations and being able to buy hand-made jars made of mud
for it was so real, authentic
we could just see them being made by the locals

or the hand made dolls i bought for my supervisor
for the women selling them were already on the verge of making business with tourists lol
they kept calling "Madame! madame!"

as they were 4 with their stands,
i scanned their faces and went to the one i clicked with
for she looked kind
and i bought her her two dolls

it was nearby the entrance of an underground city in Cappadoccia
even the tour guide sort of pleaded us in his tone, though it was hidden,
to buy them for they are, he meant, poor.

ah, i loved the Turkish men humor!
i guess my husband to be would have loved them ;)


lots of kisses and pictures to come
yes, i need to buy a cable to transfer them from camera to the laptop

:)
:x

ps : i forgot to talk of the ancient Greeko Roman city in south of Turkey
apparently the most beautiful and preserved old cities of this time are not in Greece
but in Turkey and Sicilia!
what a lucky girl i am! we went to Perge

HAVE is a MUST to show you the pictures or video :)

oh yeah, the manifestations
we witnessed them, me only one.

but as the guide was telling us,
how in Cappadocia,
so many peoples used to live from Hittes to Roman and Greek and
all religions, Pagans, Christians and Muslims

how the sufis of their time were specialists in Astronomy and all sciences and yet such spiritual guys

today's Turkey should learned from its past history
and not go into fanatiscim which would be devoid of any Beauty of the Spirit their country has inherited of
nor be so secular and hateful of spirituality that Attaturk put into museum.

you cannot put LIFE into museum
nor REDUCE life to a religion,

Life is YOU in ALL its RICHES.

Love and KISSES to TURKEY.
BE the example of SOLUTION of this Modern Era
the REAL BRIDGE between Europ and Asian
and mingle all of the religons and guide people to their OWN INNER riches and spirituality

that your country has inherited.

kiss:x ;)