Yesterday
i was very much with attention within
my own company was so peaceful
since a very long time
i did not feel like this
like when you get used to noise
and develop impatience
instead of appreciating how everything around you
has been playing its role
so yesterday innerly
i was in touch with my self
really very much
thing is when you are in touch
you don't know you are in touch
because you are in the flow
so if you know
is like you use thoughts to know
which takes you out of the flow
so is only today
that i really realised how much
in the flow i was with my soul
:)
and i know now
the conditions that led to it
when you have noise in your head
that you are not even aware of
due to some routine
you need a trauma
to break everything in your routine
which leads you for sure
to choose
between mess and silence with your self
i went through both
total mess first lol
that is my emotional side
yes being a woman means you have to catch yourself
when you are emotional
and then with time
this time will reduce
when you are caught within
to end up like to be able to choose on the spot
between being emotional or joyful swim on your path
but when i caught myself
i made the conscious choice
to be in touch with myself
this means not to expect
something from myself
even less from anyone
this means not to find
my needs
nor what is expected from me
also to be done
what it means
is to find your true desire
so i remembered that word
and when i turned within
i just realised
that i should be constant with that single-minded focus
this meant not to expect
an answer from my soul
as per my time/space condition
when i realised that
i also felt that when i had that kind of expectation
towards myself
then
i had a sort of anger within me
which is not known to us
when we do stuff
but it is there
and is well hidden
and we are not conscious of it
this is why
if something happen
we would feel bothered
irritated and angered
because we had that nonesensical expectation
why nonesensical?
because if you are truthful
if you really wish to hear the voice of your soul
and to know where you are
and where you are heading
if you want in brief an answer from God
then,
you should let the path open
for God to answer you
so i had created a channel to communicate with God
by remembering and sticking to my pure desire
single-mindedly without confusing it
with some need or request or expectation
for me or from others
once i created that highway
i had forgotten that to hear the reply
i had to let it unblock
with no roadbloacks
and that is not to leave
any feeling of anger
or more subtly
of space/time timing
most important is the What i wish
the How and When is up to God s timing
then i let it go
by promising myself to be in touch
and just remaining open and aware to the reply
and is the funny thing
when you get the reply
you don't even know
because is so much in the flow
and if the person who witnesses it
is also in the flow
there how can you know?
how can you know finally is there?
as you are with the reply at the same time
a bit like one moment
but not two?
because to know what you see it
you need to be a moment apart from the reply moment
and you are two
but when you are the witness of the moment of the reply
then you are the same moment
and there is no two
but one only
and very funnily
i was watching a very beautiful drama
of course korean drama
they are just soulful
and guess what that very drama
name is
"I hear your voice"...
is only today i realised the coincidence
and during it
in a vision
i saw the vision
of a white lady
mother mary
she represents the pure desire
and in nostalgy
she was passing by slowly
near the desk
and lingering her finger on it
i found that very nostalgic
really
and sad too
even know while writing it
i do feel the throat tightening
it is because
when you feel the presence
of the divine
then is normal you feel so
as it is the pure desire itself
i guess
it is what lacks here
a few days back
i realised that
why i was so knowing
of where i was going till the end of my studies?
is because i was in system that protected innocence
of children and students till they graduate
but once you are out of it
you are into another system
and there
there is not really anymore protection
for the innocence
often i said to myself
why they give us rules during school time
if it is to break them all once you work?
anyway,
after it,
when i was just going in my day
or touching stuff
was like i was hearing and talking
to that voice
that was very faint
but i was conversing
without using tongue
and i could hear
without hearing a real voice
like even if i touched
a kitchenware
it was as if it was speaking to me
first i thought the kitchenware
as it is an element
may be it is its voice?
but at same time the reply too
was from same level
but was from within
so the voice was the same
so wherever i looked
it was flowing
a flowing voice
a continual communication
that is very calming
anyway i recommand korean
drama
especially this one
so much to say about it
but the major actors say it all
so beautiful life teaching drama it is
and especially that soundtrack is
really lovely
yea i am in love with that soundtrack
especially the beginning! :)
this dram is about hate/love
choices in life
justice/law
retaliation/forgiveness
transformation of people
except for rare american movies
korean drama are the ones
for those that are really well made
who make me cry most
so beautiful they are
