Experimenting awareness in daily life

oh!
today was my 40th day of intensive meditation
... well i ended up not waking up.

lol:)))

it passed really quickly
ok let's go on now with more inner devotion
is next step :

intensive meditation
with more inner devotion.


today i have seen my meditation friends
after long time
they reminded me that already 2months had elapsed!
i can't believe it i thought it was not EVEN a month.
so much time flew lightly for me.

my first impression when i was in the group
was that i felt different.
yes the people are our mirror
and without them you cannot see yourself / experience yourself

well,
my impression was that i felt SO MUCH MORE grounded than all surrounding me
and when out of blue someone asked to make a commentary
which i could have refused out of shyness of the unexpected way it was asked,
well i found myself so grounded and IN while commenting on the spot.

this astonished myself
and during the day too
when i met complete strangers in the streets
i found them smiling and talking to me as if we knew each other
which is totally brand new

i even saw myself
having more self confidence

where does it come from?

lol i won't recognise myself
and yet i do feel yes, i do feel more aligned with my true self
yes this is the word

i would say i do and say what i should do and say on the right time.

there is no second guessing
inwardly questioning should i or not
that just flows out by itself and lead me to follow it.

i love it really.
life is easier lol

second, the awareness
i surprised myself of pinpointing awareness in PRACTICAL way

what i mean
is before i would KNOW that awareness is a state to be reached
but i would NOT know its place and how it adjust itself and BENEFIT in life

well flash news today it did!
i realised
that awareness is having the solution RIGHT ON THE SPOT
when we need it
yes! indeed
how could you be aware?
what does it mean?
is to be aware........................................of..........................solution.
of your surrounding and THUS of the solution.

only a practical example
i did not wish to eat dessert,
so not to spoil it, i asked it to be packed instead
and lol i get to packed for me
i wondered what i was gonna do with two portions of that.

anyway,
i was in the metro
and a beggar entered
yes i feel sad for the beggars
there are so many now and of all ages
imagine so young and others who are so ashamed that they become red faced
while they should retire, they are begging

yes, when i will be rich
i will take care of them
you can be SURE of that
and i feel crying from happiness
to know i will

of course, there should be a fruitful method to do it
but this is priority number one as project.

so, as the beggar asked anything
even a piece of bread
i was saying to myself i have no bread

lol imagine how the mind is close minded
then when i watched my bag,
i became aware that i do have desserts packed
and here was his dessert

when you think of it
i feel really becoming soft hearted
when i thought back
how i was packing something for him
without knowing it was for him.

isn't it beautiful?
you act out of faith
while not knowing why
and after you see it is true/it has a very definite purpose.

of course, later i realised i had also money in pocket
but THIS i did not get aware of it!
see?

this is i think how one can test one's awareness

by seeing
to which extent we find the right solution (word, deed, act...),
ON THE SPOT.

so, definitely,
i am happy to have done this retreat,
it has saved my progress in meditation
a bit more and i would have become meaningless to myself.

to become meaningful to oneself
one should just be able to enjoy the present right?
and this is also why we get angry, because we see no solution
and we try to enforce solution on/from others

but it starts with ourselves first.
then, whether others follow or not
it is their choice
at least you are yourself
and are in joy when you discover such things

good night
kiss:x
ps : i just finished writing the blog, and it smells rose perfume!
ah am so happy
i should hug myself
good girl
hahaha
oki i stop it

good night

The Library - Alaya consciousness

ok my meditation is regular
but has lost its early intensity
it feels like it becomes harder and harder to wake up
anyway, LUCKILY it is STILL on

and i am AIMING at making it as GOOD as i wish

ok
this being said,
i had a few days back another day dreaming vision
yes i call it so
when i am not sleeping

so as i was meditating
i entered a library
full of books
and in it
the voice said
"this is the wisdom of the Mind"

then i turned and saw
two men and a woman
looking inside of a ball of light
which was placed in a  cylinder
(vertical)


the feeling was quite good
and it felt like NATURAL
NORMAL

what i mean
it was as normal as if i am living this life
or when you switch one channel of a tv and you see another

except these ones are really pleasant.

so i learned that
the library is the Alaya consciousness
or also called the "collective matrix"
 or collective citta

imagine :)
it means
from this point everything EVER imagined
and EVER happened is recorded THERE

WAY TOOOOOOOOOOO COOL
SUGOÏ


a sort of a God's Super Duper computer ;)

is always evolving..always experiencing ITSELF(GOD) through its images(creation/beings/forms/time/space..consciousness)

ah! again so cool

and it makes sense.

the library...is in fact a symbol of,,the VERY reason,, of creation?..see?

and yes, 

as i wrote,

and there were three tall people around it

like they were looking into it

as one look into it as for visioning stuff

i think there were two men and a lady

......the father/son/holy spirit..holy spirit is female creating...father is the awareness..son is the spirit..got it?

 
ah
before and even today
i kind of forget the aim of visions
which is to know
that something better exist

by then
before myself realisation
i "waited" this to come to me

but now,
i KNOW
it is for ME to CREATE the life i want

i tell you guys
my LIFE gonna be awesome
why?

because ALREADY it is AWESOME
since the first day i got self realisation
and it is NOT a trend which is getting down bu UP

the ONLY thing is
I FORGET

lol
that i CAN be more creative
and when i say creative
it just means
i can at EVERY MOMENT
CHOOSE to be ALIGNED to myself
and BE myself

the creation
comes by itself
like atoms are drawn together
and then the molecule of waters are formed

the molecule exists not BY itself
hey it is me the H2O molecule

but it is a formation, a cluster of these atoms
that were drawn to it

same for our lives
we need to REMEMBER
to make everyday GOOD choices
GOOD because our belly feels GOOD when we do it
and not because it is the social norm
learned by our head
and monitored by others
to please them

easy said than done
but it is the natural flow
that we lost
while children still have it.

good morning
kiss:x

Baptism

still going on with my intensive meditation
to be honest most of it was intensive meditation
in average i would say i missed one day a week
by forsaking my alarm clock in the morning lol

and three days in a week i did not get up ON time
this i mean
to get up everyday to meditate early at the SAME time
because this routine is important

as we say in islam
angel comes at same time
they got used to with us
so routine is really important

there is one dream
that keeps coming into my mind
so i guess till i don't write it
it will keep coming

so i better share it
so that it stops pestering me lol

so when i was sleeping
i saw in a vision
being put into a bucket of water
you know like in the old past
the huge bucket of water
in one like this

so i could literally see my face
going out  for air
but being put back by a hand
and as Latin words were being pronounced

"Michael angelus"

so on the spot on the vision
i  guess it was the archangel Michael

but next time
i hope i won't get apnoea
i prefer to get baptism of water
with a nice touch lol

cross finger
i should get my so-long-awaited breakthrough, neh? :)

haaan
i want it!
lol

kiss:x