Friday 19 December 2014

Experimenting awareness in daily life

oh!
today was my 40th day of intensive meditation
... well i ended up not waking up.

lol:)))

it passed really quickly
ok let's go on now with more inner devotion
is next step :

intensive meditation
with more inner devotion.


today i have seen my meditation friends
after long time
they reminded me that already 2months had elapsed!
i can't believe it i thought it was not EVEN a month.
so much time flew lightly for me.

my first impression when i was in the group
was that i felt different.
yes the people are our mirror
and without them you cannot see yourself / experience yourself

well,
my impression was that i felt SO MUCH MORE grounded than all surrounding me
and when out of blue someone asked to make a commentary
which i could have refused out of shyness of the unexpected way it was asked,
well i found myself so grounded and IN while commenting on the spot.

this astonished myself
and during the day too
when i met complete strangers in the streets
i found them smiling and talking to me as if we knew each other
which is totally brand new

i even saw myself
having more self confidence

where does it come from?

lol i won't recognise myself
and yet i do feel yes, i do feel more aligned with my true self
yes this is the word

i would say i do and say what i should do and say on the right time.

there is no second guessing
inwardly questioning should i or not
that just flows out by itself and lead me to follow it.

i love it really.
life is easier lol

second, the awareness
i surprised myself of pinpointing awareness in PRACTICAL way

what i mean
is before i would KNOW that awareness is a state to be reached
but i would NOT know its place and how it adjust itself and BENEFIT in life

well flash news today it did!
i realised
that awareness is having the solution RIGHT ON THE SPOT
when we need it
yes! indeed
how could you be aware?
what does it mean?
is to be aware........................................of..........................solution.
of your surrounding and THUS of the solution.

only a practical example
i did not wish to eat dessert,
so not to spoil it, i asked it to be packed instead
and lol i get to packed for me
i wondered what i was gonna do with two portions of that.

anyway,
i was in the metro
and a beggar entered
yes i feel sad for the beggars
there are so many now and of all ages
imagine so young and others who are so ashamed that they become red faced
while they should retire, they are begging

yes, when i will be rich
i will take care of them
you can be SURE of that
and i feel crying from happiness
to know i will

of course, there should be a fruitful method to do it
but this is priority number one as project.

so, as the beggar asked anything
even a piece of bread
i was saying to myself i have no bread

lol imagine how the mind is close minded
then when i watched my bag,
i became aware that i do have desserts packed
and here was his dessert

when you think of it
i feel really becoming soft hearted
when i thought back
how i was packing something for him
without knowing it was for him.

isn't it beautiful?
you act out of faith
while not knowing why
and after you see it is true/it has a very definite purpose.

of course, later i realised i had also money in pocket
but THIS i did not get aware of it!
see?

this is i think how one can test one's awareness

by seeing
to which extent we find the right solution (word, deed, act...),
ON THE SPOT.

so, definitely,
i am happy to have done this retreat,
it has saved my progress in meditation
a bit more and i would have become meaningless to myself.

to become meaningful to oneself
one should just be able to enjoy the present right?
and this is also why we get angry, because we see no solution
and we try to enforce solution on/from others

but it starts with ourselves first.
then, whether others follow or not
it is their choice
at least you are yourself
and are in joy when you discover such things

good night
kiss:x
ps : i just finished writing the blog, and it smells rose perfume!
ah am so happy
i should hug myself
good girl
hahaha
oki i stop it

good night

Wednesday 17 December 2014

The Library - Alaya consciousness

ok my meditation is regular
but has lost its early intensity
it feels like it becomes harder and harder to wake up
anyway, LUCKILY it is STILL on

and i am AIMING at making it as GOOD as i wish

ok
this being said,
i had a few days back another day dreaming vision
yes i call it so
when i am not sleeping

so as i was meditating
i entered a library
full of books
and in it
the voice said
"this is the wisdom of the Mind"

then i turned and saw
two men and a woman
looking inside of a ball of light
which was placed in a  cylinder
(vertical)


the feeling was quite good
and it felt like NATURAL
NORMAL

what i mean
it was as normal as if i am living this life
or when you switch one channel of a tv and you see another

except these ones are really pleasant.

so i learned that
the library is the Alaya consciousness
or also called the "collective matrix"
 or collective citta

imagine :)
it means
from this point everything EVER imagined
and EVER happened is recorded THERE

WAY TOOOOOOOOOOO COOL
SUGOÏ


a sort of a God's Super Duper computer ;)

is always evolving..always experiencing ITSELF(GOD) through its images(creation/beings/forms/time/space..consciousness)

ah! again so cool

and it makes sense.

the library...is in fact a symbol of,,the VERY reason,, of creation?..see?

and yes, 
as i wrote,
and there were three tall people around it
like they were looking into it
as one look into it as for visioning stuff
i think there were two men and a lady
......the father/son/holy spirit..holy spirit is female creating...father is the awareness..son is the spirit..got it?
 
ah
before and even today
i kind of forget the aim of visions
which is to know
that something better exist

by then
before myself realisation
i "waited" this to come to me

but now,
i KNOW
it is for ME to CREATE the life i want

i tell you guys
my LIFE gonna be awesome
why?

because ALREADY it is AWESOME
since the first day i got self realisation
and it is NOT a trend which is getting down bu UP

the ONLY thing is
I FORGET

lol
that i CAN be more creative
and when i say creative
it just means
i can at EVERY MOMENT
CHOOSE to be ALIGNED to myself
and BE myself

the creation
comes by itself
like atoms are drawn together
and then the molecule of waters are formed

the molecule exists not BY itself
hey it is me the H2O molecule

but it is a formation, a cluster of these atoms
that were drawn to it

same for our lives
we need to REMEMBER
to make everyday GOOD choices
GOOD because our belly feels GOOD when we do it
and not because it is the social norm
learned by our head
and monitored by others
to please them

easy said than done
but it is the natural flow
that we lost
while children still have it.

good morning
kiss:x


Monday 8 December 2014

Baptism

still going on with my intensive meditation
to be honest most of it was intensive meditation
in average i would say i missed one day a week
by forsaking my alarm clock in the morning lol

and three days in a week i did not get up ON time
this i mean
to get up everyday to meditate early at the SAME time
because this routine is important

as we say in islam
angel comes at same time
they got used to with us
so routine is really important

there is one dream
that keeps coming into my mind
so i guess till i don't write it
it will keep coming

so i better share it
so that it stops pestering me lol

so when i was sleeping
i saw in a vision
being put into a bucket of water
you know like in the old past
the huge bucket of water
in one like this

so i could literally see my face
going out  for air
but being put back by a hand
and as Latin words were being pronounced

"Michael angelus"

so on the spot on the vision
i  guess it was the archangel Michael

but next time
i hope i won't get apnoea
i prefer to get baptism of water
with a nice touch lol

cross finger
i should get my so-long-awaited breakthrough, neh? :)

haaan
i want it!
lol

kiss:x

Sunday 23 November 2014

Have a guess?

"the world is a brighter place when you reveal your inner light. when you look into the light of others, you see past the differences that set us apart and realise we are one light. reveal your inner light. "


............guess where it was written on?......................



hm,
on the packet of a peeling mask
yes, you read it well, on the packet of a skin care product!

amazing!
yes, it proves that at least the feel for "the awareness"
is spreading a bit all over
and everyone in his field
wishes to express it
so that the message he believes in
or wishes to believe in
reaches the other
and be shared
and thus keep expanding.

Alexandre Astier

A very quick post
for my preferred drama and movie producer - Alexander Astier.

the whole video is in French.
why i posted it?
because he shares what his underlying motivation is
why he does what he does

i like his way of being clear with himself
of what his desires, and goals are.
of being able to articulate them,
with lots of care of not giving into the temptation
that a high status may give you in sounding at times pretentious and thus empty.

well i like him for his educated and articulated and sincere
way of being himself
and of discovering the inner intricacies of what draws his attention

of separating what he wished from what happened eventually
for instance, what we want sometimes does not happen according to our initial desire
but to look perfect
we say stuff happened as we wished
but doing so we dilute and detach ourselves from our true desire of creation
therefore we forget our true desire leading to our true self discovery

so i like his "répartie" and the assumed one.

also, well i like his inner introspection
which leads him not only to have a job and a life with two sets of principles for each
but ONE set of principals for both.
that is being sincere to himself and true to himself and thus to the others.

and the summum of his talk was when he said the last sentence that i post here.
preceeded of a few others in french.
(english ones being my translation).

i just really find this guy interesting, full of acute self introspection
and very much practical and realistic.

few quotes of him, that i whole-heartedly agreed with
as if i recognised them being from me
making me innerly jump on my seat and posting them here :

"c'est la partie musicale de la chose, et donc celle qui se réfléchie le moins" :)
=
it is the musical aspect of this topic, and which requires less reflection.
meaning,
he was being praised for his capacity of making jokes in his written comedy
and he told
he never focuses on writings jokes,
for he only focuses on the structure of proving one or two points
and the joking aspect
arises by itself
due to the natural effect produced by his preliminary reflection
and because he exploits the topic to the deepest
following his inner drive to analyse more the potential of each actor and situation
that naturally without effort the jokes arise.


and he so beautifully accepted this praise
without feigning to not accept it
i mean it is not calculated

he just said the truth about himself
you don't make effort to give birth to what you are being praised of
for that which is worthy of praise
is like music
it flows as freely and graciously as it is unintentionally willed.

by the way,
yesterday myself i learned
that i can desire and intend for a wish-
but i cannot will it.
for only the God within without allows it to happen
and thus Will belongs indeed to God
but the desire and intent is ours.
without it we cannot plant the seed into the Mind
and no seed means no plant and no fruits ie not seeing your desire fulfilled, if allowed by the God Mind.


second saying of his

"en fait le plus important là dedans c'est ce qui ne parait pas l'être. c'est le bonheur des deux, trois, quatre acteurs qui viennent pour jouer et mettre leur talents." c"est qu'"ils soient pénétrés par la grâce du moment".

it is first time i hear a realisator
whose main concern is the joy of his two, three or four actors. who come and perform and share their skills. because they have been given the space to be penetrated by the Grace of the moment.


really beautiful.
it is altruist without being purposely altruist.see?
it is only because this Alexander Astier by his some inner reflection, self introspection of what his job brings him and moves him
reveals him that his joy lies in giving space and time for his actors to be in joy...

that is real Love for others, really.
not forced,
but emerged in a realisation of yours
because you did some of introspection.

Alexandre Astier is famous for his series "Kaamelott" broadcast over the past few years on the 6 channel in France, which is about the King Arthur and the Knights of the Ronde Table; which leads to the quest of the Graal.

He still did not manage to make the movie, as he wishes to make it according to his terms,
i.e. keeping rights over the production as he intends not to sacrifice the 15 years of his life for this project due to financial strains.
so i guess he waits for the right producers ;)

Good luck to him.
he is a great artist.


Monday 17 November 2014

Testing life

Today i met new people
when they were talking
i could feel their emotions
those that were hidden

it startled me
because i felt them strongly
i think i never felt people's emotions so strongly before

most of their feelings were filled with sadness
for one there was hidden anger and frustration

on top of that
i felt sad for them
i was sad because i knew they were sad
though it was hidden
and wished to tell them
"don't be sad"
and i was also frustrated,
because i knew how they could be so awesome
but as they don't know they could be so awesome,
i felt like they were cheated by life, by their ignorance of their potential,
of themselves.

really even now i feel for them
it is like you could see someone turning in circle
like in a jail
and you know that this condition won't change
unless he changes his ways
and you know also that never he will change his

people are very strange
they expect change without willing to change their usual ways
if you have no success with your current method
then drop it
and try a new one
this simply means your method failed when you tested it with your life

but it is like people become amnesic
once they tested it
why they do not move on?
it is like they know they are testing life
don't they say that "it is a test from God"
but they forgot the meaning of "test".
they think it is a continual test from God.
like a fatality
but if the test has a beginning, it has an end too.
and you decide of its end
as you decided of its beginning by allowing yourself to be as you have been
now allow yourself to be otherwise...to end it:

by concluding "ok the method tested failed."
be honest with life
as soon as you admit this conclusion to yourself
you will see
life will be challenged
and will bring you a new method to be tested with.

(by the way, when you can say that
it proves already a certain degree of detachment
you feel it when you say it?)

it is what happened with me.

ok it is a test
but now once you get the result of the test
YOU decide your test is over
and you seek for a new one
which will be successful, no?

WHY they forget to acknowledge the result?
and MOVE ON?
no they have to standstill and blame others and pity themselves till they die
instead of moving on.
now, i am really feeling angry at them.

i know why they get amnesic,
it is because they become so identified with the method
because remember,
we put our life in it
time, effort, emotions,
and that defines us

this is our ego
part of it
and you need to label it as "failed"
who would like to hear that his past 30 years
resulted in a "failed" mention? who?

it is like you hear your death sentence
like one day someone comes
and tells you
sir, you wasted 30 years of your life.
well don't be sorry
success will come despite that
trust in the unknown wisdom of God
which lies in your (ego) death.

he will laugh at you,
after having slapped you lol

and yet in this simple step
i am sure lies the Mercy of God
whoever honestly surrender his ego to God
means
he should admit that his method failed,
and he surrender to a new method
he has no power upon
and which will be from God
an "infaillible" method
and this "infaillible" method
will become the new life of his

i found this now so beautiful

for i just understood
why the shia call their imams
the "infaillible" ones

they are the descendent sons of the prophet
in leadership
i bet these were all realised
but they are infaillible not because of their own knowledge
or some inheritance of prophethood as we can naively understand it

they are infaillible
because of the "path" / method they followed
which is a path that bears the weight of the test
a path that is unshakable whatever the test is



so, i don't understand
why people don't come to this logical decision?
if only they would, then they would be alert and thus open
for new God given methods/helps

if you know that Life is a Mercy from God
then, why you don't open to more of His Mercy?
why you cut life in two :
with one area which is yours and is temporarily lacking blessings
(so you wait and wait and wait while not changing)
and the other which you consider not yours and thus you suppose it is unblessed
and you remain closed to it.

therefore, you just keep regressing in receiving blessings from life
till there are no more
and you think that God left you
but in truth
it is you who stubbornly remained separated from the Whole, from God
by separating your life in two or more groups
with one sacred and the other not
with one useful and the other not
with one blessed the other not
with one higher and the other not

by extension
it is what we do with our relationship
with anyone
everyone thanks to his spirit within
if it has crossed your path
has been bringing you
the opportunity to unify your vision of Life to One Part

i find that beautiful
of course is hard
because we get amnesic
and we cling onto our emotions
instead of letting them go

but as long as we KNOW
we have to "return to God"

inna lilahi wa inna elahi rajeoun
to God we belong to to Him is our return

then, we cannot forget, nor fail.

the thing is muslims only remember this sentence
at the time of death
but it is about the death of ego
at each moment when you encounter suffering
and like this bits by bits
you get ready
somehow
for the Great Remembering
of your true nature
of who you are



finally, on the spot, while listening to them,
i chose deliberately
to listen superficially
i mean i did not keep my usual deep focus when they were speaking
because i just felt too sad already


Tuesday 11 November 2014

Living Light

you know
alive?

i said everything is alive
as if i discovered it is alive as of now
but in fact
what i wanted to say
is that i witnessed that it is alive

because my intelligence saw it ON THE MOMENT

this is what makes it alive
the rest of time
my intelligence is only holding onto image of object in mind
so it is as an image is
i.e. dead

but now the present is Ever Alive
all is there
means all that is in the moment
is there indeed, alive.
(not frozen in a past image or anticipated in a future form)

so it means
usually my own intelligene is dead
when NOT illuminated by the kundalini

the kundalini
is like a lift
by passing through the chakras
it takes in it the attention from the liver
then the spirit in the heart
and then passing by the head
it illuminates it
thus the quality of the spirit which is/expresses/maniests itself as love at the heart
becomes a peaceful witness of the present
that is an illuminated attention
which can thus be called a witness

so it acts like a mirror
that enables you to see light of creation
thus light under a multitude of forms
and that is why it is called play of Life

it is like a diamond
which when turned
has many facets
but to see them
the mirror should be polished
so that light be reflected
and you may see it (alive) in its different form

when we can see the beauty of God


the beauty is/means
the secret of God being witnessed in the present moment
secret, i.e. each object is giving out a manifested characteristic
and this is the message attached to each one of it
and in the present it is revealing its beauty, i.e. that which was opaque/secret to our eyes before

when we say we witness the beauty of God
beauty is just a generic term

to say the Light of God in the objects in the present
and as each object has its light
this is why it is said
is being seen as "it is as it is"

so this light
is being contemplated in the present

ah, it is so beautiful

Candle wax

oh this is incredible!
i remember to have written that after a long time of meditation
i could see beauty when i go outside

but also it happened now while i was inside home!

so amazing feeling :

you know the candle wax?
sometimes it just remain in the pot
and you cannot get rid of the remainder
you try hard to remove it and it stick like hell
and you give up

well i had given up since long to remove it lol

but today by accident
i let it on top of the oven
which heat melt the wax on the candle holder !

and then, it was so soft
that i could let it slide and remove it!

but you know what hit me
is strange to say that
but i say it even though

when i saw the wax melted
and so "submissively" sliding away
i found it being "so innocent"
that was such a beautiful feeling for it

i really wish to write it as the impression remains:


one it was like i was saying myself
look ! it is so innocent! and i was so hard on it
thinking it is just a wasted wax unremovable
you know like a misjudgement
lol if i can talk of this for an object
but really there it felt not like an object
but something alive
truly

also
the way the wax got removed
so graciously
i just had to slid it aside with a light finger pressure
and gone!

and then it hit me
it is same with the heart of people
you cannot hammer to teach them some change

but when the right condition
like heat for this candle
are gathered
then
the heart softened by themselves

in real life
you could use the heat of God
the one provided by the vibrations purifying your heart
which is the softer way

or alternatively,
if you refuse to practice
you refuse the soft heat on the subtle level of vibrations

then, it is on the grosser plane
the one of manifestation
that your heart would have to test the heart of the crisis
to learn the hard way its softness

for everything is under transformation
what is solid becomes liquid and then gaseous
and so on back and forth
all is there to get transformed
nothing can remain stable in the elements

so the Spirit gather together the right condition
to allow change to take place
but
if you resist it

as it is said in quran
"come willingly or unwilling"
and the elements responded "we obey"

Then He directed (Himself) towards the heaven while it (was) smoke, and He said to it and to the earth, "Come both of you willingly or unwillingly." They both said, "We come willingly."
quran 41:11

i am right now in love with this verse
i remember in 2006
while i was doing my training in a company
i was just going out of the room
and i saw drops of water hanging on the ceiling
about to fall

and this verses
came alive in my head for these drops of water
and i realised the elements are truly submitted to the Order of God
for they came willingly

by the way
Order is not only Command
order is literally speaking to put order from chaos
and the order of God is both


and when i was removing the last remainders
of the wax
this one was totally liquid by then
so as i was removing it with the handkerchief
as strange as it may seem to read it
i felt love for it
as if i was doing a mix of
thanking it, and healing it in myself

for myself months before
i judged it being worthless and too hard to be ever removed

that was really an alive communication
right now
lol i think i would have even kissed it
as it looked like so beautiful innocent to me

i swear
:) i feel so happy writing it
lol with a bit of tears in the eyes if i keep remembering it

it is really alive

it is true
everything is alive





Sunday 9 November 2014

The most beautiful people

You know the most beautiful people
are those who are themselves
they shine

like the hang drum musician
or the others i saw on the streets today
so cute
4 musicians playing an old music
with trumpets
and an old lady
clothes all in green
and she was dancing

tell me
i said to myself
isn't she beautiful?

she was beautiful to me
because she was being herself
just to enjoy what she knows she likes
and she felt not destabilised by the outside
by us those who were observing her
for some were amused of seeing her

but even writing this
i feel my heart so deeply grateful
for such kind of people
they are just themselves
and then their own light shine

what yogis may forget is
that everyone has a soul
and its light shine
when one hears its voice
for it shows the path
that is beneficial to our growth
the one if we follow will help us
to build the experience necessary to grow

and how you know you have grown?
when you are no more stuck in the same circumstances
over and over again
when you do not have the same disputes
for dispute and anger always appear, it's a constant in our life
as we say it is a play, a game
but still
isn't evolution about transformation?
about no more being the same old self?
but growing
this growth is proven
if our external circumstances are changed
if we have changed and emitted light

for some people change
but they are not growing
it is just apparences which change
inside they are all the same
and this is an illusion

but real change
is the one of transformation
where your own presence emit peace, light, joy

but a realised being
may have a connection between his soul and his spirit
that those 'other' people have not
yet, most of them so far i have seen
have not found their life purpose
their AUTHENTIC life purpose
the one that makes them feel enamoured by life
the one that makes them vibrate
and wish them to go on living to create a better world
a PERSONAL life purpose
for automatically
if you find your life purpose
then,
de facto
without your planning
you will benefit the rest of humanity.

during my studies
my interest shifted to spirituality
little by little
till i postgraduated
and i realised that i had lost interest by the end of my studies
in the diploma i had prepared
so funny
and such an awkward situation

because my aim
without me knowing that it was my aim
it was just to follow my inner interest
spirituality and its link with my OWN experience of it

and once i got it
once i got this tiny self realisation
i jerked back again in reality of life
and all went blank for me

how to find interest in life
when you had lost it for something that you found?

so paradoxical

later i learned
before self realisation
my dreams were my guides
giving me clues for what is real

now that i have gotten the real
i had no more such vivid dreams
for remember my dreams were my teachers
thanks to them i could see that this life was not real

but now, THIS very life is REAL
this very life is the scene of my vision
and no more my dreams
why?
because now, i can raise above it
and be my OWN master and CREATE my OWN dreams in REALITY

such a huge discovery for me
i understood it only this week

and yes
i realised what i LOVE most
and NOW i am gonna test this Power of God
and SEE
HOW it can help me in my new found goal?

for on my own
i am SURE i cannot
so much deepness and richness is needed for that
well one will see

till then
i hope everyone will find his or her goal
and honor it
this way you will honor the others
and thus honor Life

i don't know why i have this nostalgic feeling
as if it is the end of a certain time for me
testing time surely
but innerly
and right now
i feel really grateful to everyone
for all the positive and negative experience i had
because without them
i would have never learned
with my life
the true meaning of forgiveness,
of letting go
and of love

how all of these are linked?

well i learned that EVERYTHING has its RIGHT and WISDOM to be in our life
anger, disappointement, liking and disliking
because they exist in us
our role
is not to GIVE INTO THEM nor to HIDE them / avoid them

first i learned
to let them have their place
not to scoff them in me
if i am angry
then let it be

second,
i should recognise
ON THE SPOT
that now i SHOULD LET GO
meaning forgive this anger
by meditating ON THE SPOT
so that the anger be dissolved
and be integrated/grown enough
to be integrated into the light in me

third,
if LATER
i STILL feel angry
this feeling and the person having caused it
i should thank
for thanks to them
i can re start my purification job

of course
as a human being
i will be excessive and be rebellious
and get stuck at times
but VICTORY is when i overcome it
and not because of mental effort
but because of the effect of this Power of God
of these vibrations
the negative feelings will be transformed into light

yet,
if again and again
the same scenario repeats itself
it means that i still have not progressed
and that something is wrong with my practice

there it is
i said it all
and i feel  happy to have shared it

kiss:x
good night


ps :
a sentence came to me
our soul seeks to experience and fulfill
dreams and romance (its desires)
and it is that which gives us the energy to work for it



i.e.
the soul gives us its desire/goal
which is still a dream and it is precious to us
the latter activates our left channel
and it gives us the energy to work for it
that activates the right channel

with this

ONE THOUGHT   -
ONE EMOTION

we create our dreams in this reality
and we become thus our own master!

Hang Drum - eeric music

Today after a long time
of having stayed home
for lately there is much to do
and also because i resumed my challenge! :)

40 day intensive meditation
like never before !

i had already made it in Italy
but now if i can make it in France
as is harder
i will feel truly rewarded

ah yes
i went outside
after such a long time
in town center

oh
so beautiful
everything i looked
seemed beautiful to me

like the way the orange, yellow and red leaves
where covering the walls
or the roof of houses made of stone
or even some green trees in the alley
and the pavement ! made of grey bricks

and the music i heard
an eeric music !
i swear
i just got mesmerised by it
specially i went to the bank to withdraw money
and by the CD

the instrument is called hang
it looked like a shield from middle age
yet the sound is so eeric
i was surprised how a flute like sound was coming out of this instrument

and there was no button
nothing
just steal
and yet sound was coming out of it
where the musician was applying his hands
so magic

even now i feel enamoured by it

and even the musician
was so engrossed in his practice
that all of his body was moving in rythm
so harmoniously

i really felt doing this instrument
a music with which you are so attuned
that your body is the prolongement of it
and like the music
so rythmically and harmoniously moving

finally
i asked the guy the name of the instrument
and he asked me to guess from its name
i could not find
as he asked me to still try out
i said china lol
though the instrument looked like not from there

he was nice
he asked me to have a second guess
i told him the outward instrument looks like
the one of middle age
and to my surprise
he told me it is very recent
only 13 year old discovery!

amazing
but i believe it
given the sound of it

so eeric..
anyway
he said hang is from switzerland origin
and it means hand
so suitable a name!

Hang drums or "hanghang" as they are known in plural form are very unique and very exclusive pitched percussion musical instruments. They are made from gas-nitrided steel, look like flying saucers, and sound a bit like Carribean steel drums. If you want one you are required to travel to Switzerland where they were invented and pay upwards of $5000 for the privelege of becoming an owner. The inventors of the instrument are the only ones who make them and their service is based on personal customization and high-end exclusivity. It seems funny for a hand percussion instrument that looks like a UFO and is played on the lap to be so expensive to obtain, which is why we can make one for about $30 out of an old propane tank.

Read more : http://www.ehow.com/how_7917062_make-hang-drums.html
here is a bit more info about it :

The Hang (German pronunciation: [haŋ],[1] plural form: Hanghang[2]) is a musical instrument in the idiophone class created by Felix Rohner and Sabina Schärer in Bern, Switzerland. The name of their company is PANArt Hangbau AG.[3] The Hang is sometimes referred to as a hang drum, but the inventors consider this a misnomer and strongly discourage its use.[4]
The instrument is constructed from two half-shells of deep drawn, nitrided steel sheet[5][6] glued together at the rim leaving the inside hollow and creating a distinct 'UFO shape'. The top ("Ding") side has a center 'note' hammered into it and seven or eight 'tone fields' hammered around the center. The bottom ("Gu") is a plain surface that has a rolled hole in the center with a tuned note that can be created when the rim is struck.
The Hang uses some of the same basic physical principles as a steelpan, but modified in such a way as to act as a Helmholtz resonator.[7][8] The creation of the Hang was the result of many years of research on the steelpan and other instruments.[9] The inventors of the Hang have continued to refine the shape and materials and have produced several variations over the years.
The name Hang comes from the Bernese German word for hand. It is a registered trademark and property of PANArt Hangbau AG.

source : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hang_%28instrument%29



i can't wait to listen to the CD
but already the visual of it
is very auspicious
as first impression
when i looked at its cover

zen atmospher
sitting near the open root of trees
with some multicolored sunrays radiating the face
of the musician

i always noticed
when i go outside
after more or less time of seclusion
the atmospher is just beautiful
colorful and pretty

i just wish to observe
and my joy rests in that
it is like the observing is my joy
like i am doing what i am seeing
as if i was absorbing what was around
and feeling nourished by it innerly
even though i am not the direct doer

today with the beauty of the place
of this town center
though it was urban aera
and the music
i felt like walking in a dream
from A to Z
like floating
and the éclat of beauty i could see outside
was like i was feeling its richness in my spirit
so alive it was


look at this muscian his name is daniel waples
in edingburgh 2012
he gave a short explanation of the instrument
and played it
isn't it eeric? middle age like?
i am definitely in love with the sound of this instrument.


and i like the harmonics of the sound
and the flowing magical atmospher it creates
it really makes me feel i am brought back in middle age
besides middle age is my preferred time line

and well, i like the real innocent joy on the face of the musician
same kind of peacefulness was emitted from the guy i met today

i just love it!




Wednesday 5 November 2014

Breakfast time

during breakfast time
i was drinking my tea
and when i lifted it up
and drank it

while drinking it
suddenly i got the impression of nearness of the energy within
as if it was not me , the thought, who was lifting it up and bringing it to my lips
but the interior energy

while the thoughts was the witness to that
and could be witness to it
because information passed through it
that : this is my need, to drink something

it is so strange
especially if i read this few days later
i may not get why i felt this moment so special
because it all depends where my attention is
if it is inside and deep
then i can catch this very impression while reading it
otherwise it has no meaning no pertinence

besides
this proves also
that only when we are simple
that we can be deep
otherwise it is impossible to be so

so we have to learn back
to become simple people

what we like, we take it
what we dislike, we leave it
and we settle things as much as we can
according to our ability on the spot

so that we don't be overloaded
in our thinking


this very feeling of nearness
i only got it once in my life
may be 10 years ago
when i was praying
i suddenly felt
that closeness
of a presence, of an inner presence
and on the spot while i was praying
i understood
no rather this energy made me witness its closeness
this is how i understood
that if i am standing, then it is not by myself, but because i am being supported to stand
and if my clothes are hanging so naturally
not too tight not too messy in the atmospher
lol like in the space
but rightly adjusted to the body
it is because of this intelligent presence
who knows it alls and do it

but it acts according to the needs of our soul
and if we are not in touch with our soul
then the energy can't do much for us
because it only serves (our needs)
therefore
if we are in touch with our inner self, soul,
and thus with our needs

then, our attention is rightly put
and then, the energy follows


incredible
but truly now i understand
why my uncle used to say
"your energy goes where attenion goes"

therefore,
you have no more to "care" for the effort
that you should initiate
but you have to only put your attention rightly on your soul
so that your energy follows
and care for you


one should learn that gradually
otherwise a great leap from meditation state to active life
is quite impossible
at least for me

Friday 31 October 2014

Glorious amber

so wonderful light!

the sun light is soo beautiful since past two days

sunrays passing through amber color like leaves

that is really glorious!

pictures to come :)


Friday 24 October 2014

Dance practice!

we have been preparing an indian dance
for about 3 weeks?

it is the 4th time in my life
i am learning a dance show

so i tell you
i am BAD lol

my coordination sucks
and body attitude
and all that goes with it
like the right timing to direct eyes


BUT
i enjoy the dance
somehow

of course
i was very happy from
our teachers
yes i call them so
for they taught us


i saw the difference
from day 1 and this last day

lol
night and day!

also it is so incredible
so many points

in a brainstorm
i would say

teachers help us to see ourselves
same in dance
same in any thing else in life BY extension

people act like a mirror

of course
i saw them preventing themselves to laugh
at times
to all of us when we pass under x-rays for checking our steps lol

but that was all fun!
if i had made a movie of myself
when i was training
even now i can't stop laughing
SO MUCH WEIRDO i was !

so yes,
first BIG thanks to the teachers!
and of course to the group
because it is what it makes the atmosphere of joy

1-yes the mirror
i was talking of
it is like you can be TOLD actually what you are doing WRONG

and of course like in life
if you are willing to listen
then you can CORRECT yourself

 2-the body language
of course this thing is known to most of us
especially we are taught all of this at school
but in dance
it is even more FINER
for you have a SPEED
an accumulation
NOT at your rhythm but at OTHERS rhythm!

that is what makes you learn more
HOW to adapt to your environment

like, for instance
what made me each time pouf with laughter
at myself
was my TOTAL lack of coordination

hehehe
like someone rightly told me
my mind KNOWS the move
but my body follows not !

it is because as in italy a teacher told me
i think in martial arts
"you think that your body is following you
but it is not,
it is still in the same place"

true, why?
because of the HABIT
the body habit is in the beginning (when you try to change it)
RESISTING you
for it has acquired in its memory a way of acting
so in mind you are thinking you are doing this
but in truth
it is ONLY in your mind
your body is NOT following!

INCREDIBLE i say
INCREDIBLE i repeat

this is HOW we MISS experience of life too
so much we live in mind

besides,
dancing balance me more
for i am naturally a mental person
and the body coordination i shockingly felt
i LOST it

for i well remember
how i used to be free doing these SIMPLE moves
when i was a child

and NOW
i NEED to learn HOW to be natural in body gesture!
lol

i insist INCREDIBLE!

3- the "irreverence of the child"

i love that word
it hit me
when one of our teacher said it

she said
when you dance
one see that you are in your mind
so learn to have this irreverence while moving
as children do :

they JUST do it
without caring for the before and after part
or if it is well, or in the right order

see?
this reminded me
how also
once we grow spiritually
there is no more boundaries
of good and bad

of course one day you will act with this irreverence
and of course people in society
or even those who call themselves yogi
will find you rude
but who cares

it is about you enjoying with the joy of a child
and it is between you and the universe
as long as you are grateful to It
all is ok.

4- the ATTENTION
gives power

yes
even more true in dance
sometime we have had to have PRECISE move or patterns with hands
and what made mine approximate
was that my ATTENTION was NOT TILL the FINGERTIPS!

again,
i say
INCREDIBLE

and then when i put attention till the fingertips
or use the right timing with eye contact

first the teachers themselves could feel
the difference in IMPACT on the audience 
second, ME TOO
i could feel in myself more opening, and joy

5- ATTITUDE
change in body gesture leads to change in our attitude in life
for it works on your personality
and even chakras

like i had the tendency
to always have a hunchback lol
i exaggerate
but i need to

because if i open up myself
i felt it was too much
like unconsciously now
but it refers to my childhood
when i started to grow
i wished to remain unnoticed
unlike to others girls i found were too noisy and look-at-me attitude
so as opposition to them
i acted so

but what was consciously done by then
became unconscious over time
and impeded me

for the way we hold ourselves
influence our readiness to respond to life on the spot
for the way you hold your back will make you more or less prone to act on the spot
and even EXPRESS your joy

lol have you ever seen someone with a hunchback
expressing his joy lol

so this opening up
leads us to more light and light giving

true,
when i hold my shoulders back
and stay straight
i literally feel face lit up
and yes naturally i will smile more
for i am FACING people

and when you FACE people
you unconsciously allow them to speak to you

if you cover yourself up
you will create a barrier for them
and you won't send the message to Life
"here my arms are open to you, come " lol

but that too refers back to my past
when i used to see such noisy girls lol
i had no arms open attitude to them
i preferred to go unnoticed
 so that that "kind of life" gets not on my face lol

but still,
this is very much fruitful to have artistic practise
because it reveals stuff on your personality
you can change on the spot
as you have to re-learn it

and also,
of course
it just gives you joy to be in a joyful atmosphere
with human contacts

6- teachers
we are ALL teachers to each others in real life
if JUST we all had this attitude to learn from others
to see them as our mirrors
we would evolve more rapidly

but what happens is that in real life
teachers are also students
and sometimes brat students lol

so other students naturally won't see them as teachers
even less as mirror to them.

but in truth,
we are ALL mirror to each others.

if you see a defect in someone
and can't let it go,
meaning you are still thinking, talking and even deciding according to it
be it consciously or in a more or less hidden way
then, it means it is no more the other who is a trouble or at fault
but yourself who need to change and correct what needs to be corrected.

this is why i have always loved people who told me
how they saw their mistake and how they changed
because this means they have introspective qualities

of course,
we can from time to time
blame others lol
we are human, it is a process
but KEY is NOT to linger
and know that we have at some point to let go

and AGAIN
the let go is NOT to stop talking of it
this stop talking should be a RESULT
NOT a decision

and the result is THERE
only if we ON THE SPOT
raised our energy and put it on energy SUFFICIENTLY long enough
to get our thought silenced
and thus to get us imbibed by the vibrations
who will transform them into something more beneficial to us

this is the letting go.

may God help me to apply this more systematically!:)

kiss:x


my Bowl broke down! lol

today earlier during the day
i happened to see my bowl in the sink
and said to myself
it is not pretty neither easy to grab
but strong though

later today, it fell and all broken!
while i had it from a few years already!
sort of unbreakable one in my head.

so today
i indeed got confirmation
that WHAT happens outside of me
is what i had thought of
and the universe granted me

and it happened
that while i was picking up its pieces
i remembered my last lesson
about accepting one's responsibility
lol nothing heavy
but this :

i.e. when you ask something
and the universe gives it to you
just say "thank you"
and do NOT judge

otherwise the magic just stop
because when i judge the universe
then it stops

so i naturally
this time no forcing
happy that it was natural

this time
when i picked up the pieces
i checked inside
out of curiosity
any thought related to this bowl
and remembered my thought of this morning :

i was dissatisfied of seeing it
though not believing it would break as it is strong!

and it happened!

so,
sum up :

once we are realised

1- be careful of your thoughts
for your thoughts are powerful
and what you think
you get it, if you universe allows

in THIS way you are to be responsible
meaning, you need to keep sound thoughts
and not delves into worries

2-if you wish for something
THEN wish it ONLY
if you are READY to get it

lol
not asking
getting it
and then blaming or judging universe

3- what is judging universe

it is to be a cry baby
to get something
and instead of thanking It
you ask for MORE security and guarantees!

like you get a gift
and suddenly an idea or worry comes up
emerges into your mind
and while thanking universe you add a condition
such as "thank you but can you make it ok so that i have no trouble with this gift"

this is NOT a thank you
this is a JUDGEMENT

and from what i learned
you are NOT smarter than the universe

this leads me to

4- Thank you
say thanks to the universe
and be happy (this is the the let go part- you just enjoy the gift)

5-keep asking :)

and you will see
as i learned it
that like this you will cross the limits
of what are called good and bad

not because you are bad lol
but because you are just learning to INTEGRATE
everything that comes up your way

though by time
people may start judging you
for they progress not

you know
as a matter of fact
as you are experiencing this power of the Universe

that nothing is bad
except what we make it so

of course it is easier said
than done

but till we have this awareness
we can try and do the best we can each time
and keep on progressing
into integrating more experiences

and as you saw
only accepting the universe results
is the way of not judging

but again
don't take me wrong

FIRST you have to WISH FOR
and THEN let the POWER enters into action

NEVER the POWER will use intent
hello?!
the power is ONLY there to give your SUPPORT
but you HAVE TO DO YOUR JOB : intent, wish, desire

and then
God says
Be and it is ;)

kiss:x

Tuesday 21 October 2014

vision of the One (scene) integrated

As i was coming back home
from my week end,
when i had a discussion about how
everything is getting robotised
and that already cybermen exist
just not so spread in public knowledge

and how even the fact
that now connected watch exist
we arrived at a peak of technology
and we think as a civilisation
as the best of all civilisation ever

leaving as such  the respect
for the presence of humanity

it is very true
you can use technology
to serve

but when you are becoming a sheep
due to it
is something else

because in the latter case
you are just as you are
because you have removed
and obliterated in your relationship
what most important and sacred is
the touch feeling

the one of a human presence

have you not noticed
that if you are in a dire situation
like there is a robber and no one else around
to give you this feeling of security

or let s say if you were on a desert island for years
with no human contact
how suddenly
the sight of a human being
even someone you would call an enemy
would become suddenly pleasing to you
and so comfy?
with a warm feeling rekindled in your belly?
just at the sight of seeing it?

it is because the human being has something sacred in him
it is this warm light
that is lit

and even though your naked eyes cannot see it
you can feel it
and this human presence
gives you this warmth

but in our daily life
we have learned to separate
in order to be able to remove from our sight
that which is bothering is
and removing us
as we believe this feeling of all is smooth and under control

some people
who only wait this opportunity
will breed separation even more
by dramatising it
by entering in your world
and taking charge of your "worries"
and hence replacing bit by bit
all that is natural and UNDER control in your and by you

by their own expert, far reaching hands
of technology
where your own freedom is reduced
to be really in control
and in charge of your own experience.

therefore
they will speak of
insecurity
terrorism
and will even create and manipulate
ignorant people to do so

while the leaders
provided they are being corrupted
or blackmailed
will let such small lies be
then these lies will affect
the younger generation
as the younger the mind is
the easier it is to mold
they will learn to discriminate
on wrong basis
those of hate and separation
instead of Love

and today
while i was coming back home
in the metro i was suddenly
happy to see strangers
saying to myself at least they are human being
and just that feeling gave me joy

that it is such normal little things
that makes a day bright
while it could become easily hell
like in countries where there is civil war right now

or when come a time
where the human being will become
more than now "connected" to machines
and will lose his graceful, ever so sensitive
human touch and beam.

right in my avenue as i was walking it up
i suddenly stopped
when i saw ahead of me
that all in my horizon/ view of the moment
was integrated in one
that everything was really at its place

what i mean by that
is that usually
when i used to walk up the avenue
i could only see a certain tree
like this greenery or that
see a person
or something else which would catch my attention
to which i would give more emphasise
be it by devaluing it
or let s by seeing that it is devalued in my mind already
or by seeing that it is what i always like and uplift, see?

this is how i had a vision of separation i realised!

but now,
i could see the avenue , the horizon i mean
as one, as integrated
i.e. literally speaking it was a ONE thing i could see
like when you look at your hand you would say i see ONE hand
you won't say oh i am seeing 5 fingers and 5 nails and palm lol
you would say A hand
same here i could see A avenue
i.e. i could on the spot see it as ONE and NOT as USUAL on the spot see a PART of its element
if i had to LABEL it!

yeah!
it reminds me
when God taught adam ALL of the "names"
it meant this
the knowledge of labelling
but from labelling we fell into separating !
instead of having FIRST the feeling of the WHOLE ONE picture
and THEN label it to experience one or another element (attention divided or outside)
and then we go back to inside (ie where our attention is not on one stuff§element/emphasizing it, otherwise it would create duality if it is on one element see?)
so where attention can withdraw from the element?
on itself!
so this is the vibrations
because it is feeling itself awakened
and then
somehow

when it is feeling itself
it should NOT
and it is what the mistake people do
use this fuel/power
to criticise others
it should instead
thank the power to be able to feel the warmth of human presence
in the other

then
once his attention has not fallen in this outer trap

then,
and only then
it can SEE the view ahead of it as one
why?
because everything would be put on the SAME level

imagine lol
if you create a group
and keep devaluing some and uplifting others
the group would be no more
for the balance is broken
and it shift on the uplifted one
this shift of attention will create the "departure" of others
and in the whole picture they will get erased from your group and life
and the group will be no more

same for the landscape in this avenue ahead of me
liking and disliking is one thing
but when i used to see trees
i would only praise them in me
because i love trees
but i kept in myself seeing and acknowledging that
the street which is made of tar is not to my liking
or what is this strange person going here and there

while today naturally
i learned to be grateful, joyous and feeling warmth
seeing precisely such things i used to devalued
only by remembering that what is now
is so much comfy that what could be worse
and that this human warmth overpower any mechanical and technological "presence"

so somehow
i gave credit to the things i disliked
not by making an effort
to transform mentally into a liking
but merely by recognising this comfy warmth in them
the spirit.

then,
later
by itself
the balance shifted
and vision became clear
and unified
and i could FEEL the landscape in front of me as INTEGRATED and one
i felt as my vision was broader
as if lol before i had only 60% of vision on sides
and now 160%

and yes elements some of them stood out
while they had fainted so much from that "group" before
thus they came back to "life" :) in my world

not that they were dead
for they always stood tall as now in the street
be it trees, people or lamp posts

but IN MY VISION, in MY WORLD
they were dead
this is WHY i could not see them

this is the working of attention IN,
and then the USE of it OUT
where you do not put emphasize on like and dislike
but only on what i call this human warmth today
ie the spirit
and then by itself
the balance shifted
and the vision worked out as one and integrated.

this is it
it makes me smile
how this feeling of just a second
is impossible to share
except if i write such a long detailed post

once i do this
then i feel like i lost it not
that it has been shared with honesty details
and i hide none of the factors that helped me to experience that.

:)
kiss:x

Wednesday 15 October 2014

Silence in meditation





        i meditated one hour
        it felt like it just flew away
 i got a vision where i saw myself going out of a church
and outside it was all light
and a voice said
do u want to see the awakened stars?
and i just stepped inside (this light)
right after this vision, all i could hear was only deep silence in my head
it feels like itching on scalp a bit everywhere
and i felt very cool wrists



the interpretation of this
is that i left the old belief of spirituality 
that i had acquired mentally about islam and what true surrender was
and as i heard the voice of the Spirit
i trusted It
when it offered me to see the awakened souls
what a wholly awakened soul look like
and i stepped inside the Light.


this was two days ago.
 
today, i meditated very early at 3h30 in the morning 
for about 1h30 i guess
by the end of my meditation
i felt such a DEEP and STRONG silence
i have never felt it before
it was so strong that it felt like it was ALL 
like all the space by itself

and as gradually my attention was returning outside
it felt like 
this:

the strong silence 
and its deepness was like the inside of an ocean
and the more my attention was going outside
the more it was fading away 
as i was resurfacing 

and finally, 
as i could hear the surrounding atmosphere 
it felt like the silence faded away
like waves on the shore

yes the silence just thinned
all the way my attention went inside out.