Power of awareness

woa
it is second time in my life
i felt so
this time not as strong as the first time

here what happened
i was writing
and suddenly
is like the shawl i was wearing zoom out somehow?
so much that it came into my attention

can one say is like the shawl was alive?
or with a consciousness?
and after when my attention got caught by it
the feeling i felt
can only be -unfortunately written in word
though there were no words or voice-

is like i felt
love out of the shawl
isn't it amazing?

a living thing
emitting love
but also
is like i saw
that this shawl was put on me
out of love by mother earth
because i could see like the action of having being covered
by a loving hand

writing it i assured myself
that indeed i am not drunk
lol
i never drink
hehehe

but this reminded me
of what happened in 2005
because when i was praying
i literally felt love being emitted from the clothes i was wearing
and i felt with a great clarity the kindness and care with which
the earth let the clothes loose enough by adjusting the gravity
so that clothes could hang so naturally on my body
not too strained due to a disproportioned gravity
nor too loose due to a lower one like on the moon lol

by then i knew not
but i think this is awareness side effect
isn't it?

because stuff changes not
only our perception
which quality can increase
only if your attention is within
and the awareness has this quality to let you see love
which is all around

even love emitted by your own clothes
ah i feel loved lol

Being good to ourselves

may be is one of the few first-time
i realised or felt quickly what awareness is
if i am not wrong on using this word

i was working
and somehow did a mistake 
of appreciation in making the right choice

i even forget what it was about really
but i happened to smile to myself
and incredibily enough!
it is as if another "i" in me
felt the smile it was directed to

and this "i" that was in the heart
felt a very lovely and soft feeling
that was warm

it astonished me

because it is rare
usually i realise
we hardly smile
and if we do
we smile at others
and very rarely to ourselves..

and even if we do
in very rare occasion
then we don't really feel it
is just on the face
but it reaches not our own heart

and when you get used to a pattern
you can't know what warmth you are missing out
all the while, isn't it?

and so
for me
was like one "i" - say my personality
genuinely smiled to "myself"
the self in me
and this is different from the claim to smile to ourselves
because this time was true
only for the fact that my attention was really inside me
and this is why it reached my heart

and i felt my own heart
-as it is were a different personality
say the spirit within
as it is the love is the heart attribute-
who did receive the smile
and a daft of warmth went out of it

and in return my own personality
who sent it
received it back

and now
when i think of it
it felt as if i was not alone working
because there was this exchange
so it felt as if i was with someone else

ah i have tears in my eyes
so good it felt
and also so simple
now i remember
to feel happy in one's own presence

i am
it seems
getting the natural hang
of loving myself

which i had forgotten
by not letting go
and letting my attention out
or on some plans, worries and so on.

and this balance
of bringing back attention within
came by me realising
that each behavior is allowed
and there is no self blame
(so i learn to be soft and loving to myself)

as long as i consciously let go
by using meditation for once
and second,
if i learn to get back the power
i gave to others out of misplaced trust

for i learn
that sometimes we expect others to change their behavior
more or less unconsciously
thinking their aim is to improve
so while waiting for this change
we forget to let go
as we are waiting
see?
and of course
waiting goes not without accumulation of pressure
and this leads to lack of balance
be it in terms of dislike, anger, hate, frustration etc.

the best decision to ever do
is always to be loving to oneself first and foremost
let go of expecting good/self-correction from others
for this very rarely happen as a free-willed consistent behavior
which in turns lead us to reclaim our power back

and as our attention is really
as a whole where it should be
imagine
even the little things
such as a good thought directed to ourself
or even a smile
not mentioning any other good work!
everything is sent back to you
by your own heart
and that is first time i realised

why it is said
when you do good
God give it back to you 10 times more

is because to start with
good
is only when you attention is IN
and not some conventional "good"
expected from you by societal norms

second
as you have free will
if you choose to do a good action
this choice is say mental first?

and as your attention is inside
the good is received by your own heart
and heart power is much more powerful
than the mental power, isn't it?

hence it is said you get at LEAST 10 times more
and i think even in some hadith it is said
could be rewarded 70 000 times more
or as much as God want

because now i understand
it all depends on the purity of your heart
and thus its power to nourish you back with the good you sent forth

extending on that
when you learn to be good to yourself
which is like learning to walk
then you can learn to be good to others
which is aliek to learning to run

and thus
whoever tells you
you are not good enough
or match not "my standard of goodness"
know that this person is lying
because truth is what you know about the experience you do of yourself
with your own attention.

good night
kiss:x

Check-in for Heaven

yesterday
again before sleeping i meditated
this time i prayed
to truly let go

because i so quickly forget
to let go
really it needs bravely to let go

is really easy to be brooding
but to let go
is such a new effort

anyway
if i don't let go
what would make me different from others?
is really important to be brave
even if on the spot
the power felt in that position
is satisfying

but is temporary

after you are stuck
really

but now i contemplate
to let go
on the spot is like the feeling of being defeated
but i guess
as i have not succeeded it yet
after it should be a liberating feeling.

anyway
once i prayed so
i saw in vision

that i was in space
or in the starry sky
and there was a scroll that unrolled
and i signed it

actually :)
was the check-in for heaven
is funny vision

but it shows
that to enter heaven
you should have light vibes

if your vibes become densers
then you go back to hell
it makes sense

and i don't like playing yo-yo
with my eternal life..

so one should always meditate
regularly and
let go even more often.
Ameen

The Living Buddha :) at 2:48am

as i was going to sleep
i saw a buddha or its statue in lying position

and i saw light raising up from its belly like a cool fire.

i got the vision when praying to my spirit
that i should love myself more

i never post at 2:48am
even less when i am deliciously ready to sleep

but as is so important
i felt the need to post it :)

sleep time now
kiss:x

Bargain between Earth and Heaven :))))

here is the most beautiful bargain
i ever heard of
lol

my fiancé is always head in the air
meaning that
once he is focused in one stuff
he just keeps doing it
and forget the real life reality

so he is out of touch with earth plane
lol
i need to call him back on earth

may be he is some kind of air balloon?
always in the sky? in the heaven?

and me
once i am off with work
some kind of sleep deprivation
makes me never maintain my early morning meditation
at same time every day


at some point he said
"
I need you to remind me of the earth
while you need me to remind you of heaven"

woa this put a blank in my mind
i found that spontaneous saying
totally beautiful...

and is so complementary

because i am such a reasonable person
down to earth really
lol
when i have something to do
i just plan it well
somehow i do the best i can
so that the moment be given  the best i have

and he
from the earth point of view
is the most messy person i have ever seen!
lol
not messy in the negative sense
but messy from the earthly point of view

because he is in heaven
head in the sky
floating in the air-borne dreams
and once he is fully devoted in his dream
and working hard for it

you can be sure
that the earth gets angry!
:)))))

because somehow
the earth needs its rain
and if the rain is too much stuck in the clouds
then is no good for the earth to remain thirsty
lol
kapish?

becoming poetess now
hehehe

anyway
i end up on this beautiful poem
i got reminded of
while writing this post today:

look at love
by Mevlana Jelaluddin Rumi
English version by Nader Khalili

look at love
how it tangles
with the one fallen in love
look at spirit
how it fuses with earth
giving it new life
why are you so busy
with this or that or good or bad
pay attention to how things blend
why talk about all
the known and the unknown
see how the unknown merges into the known
why think separately
of this life and the next
when one is born from the last
look at your heart and tongue
one feels but deaf and dumb
the other speaks in words and signs
look at water and fire
earth and wind
enemies and friends all at once
the wolf and the lamb
the lion and the deer
far away yet together
look at the unity of this
spring and winter
manifested in the equinox
you too must mingle my friends
since the earth and the sky
are mingled just for you and me
be like sugarcane
sweet yet silent
don’t get mixed up with bitter words
my beloved grows right out of my own heart
how much more union can there be

 source : http://www.poetry-chaikhana.com/blog/2011/09/23/mevlana-jelaluddin-rumi-look-at-love/

Thank You for

thank you for the attention
thank you for the care
thank you for ever listening
thank you for Your presence

thank you for the safety
thank you for the hope
thank you for the forgiveness
thank you for erasing thoughts

thank you for a new life
thank you for new experiences
thank you for new bulk of joy
thank you for material life

thank you for the answers
thank you for the purification
thank you for Your patience
and thank you for giving me patience

thank you for explaining
thank you for securing
thank you for forgiving
thank you for helping

thank you for the humor
thank you for the kids
thank you for the birds
thank you for the trees
and thank you for the rain
they were all truly loving.


thank you for teaching me balance
thank you for teaching me to be fair
thank you for teaching me to let go
thank you for Your appreciation
thank you for Your protection

i apologise in advance
for not being as good as i aimed

but thank You again
for instilling Hope in me.

Ameen.

wave length and particule of light

as i was reading about the birth of jesus
and how first the shepherds and then the magi

witnessed the light that came out to them
and in it how the angels also spoke to them
word of peace

and how the magi were follwing the star
that was indicating them the birth of jesus
and likewise how they were warned by the child
in their dream how to not return to Herod
but make their way out back home

then i felt
that indeed light is a particule
and is a wave

because it takes place
as an event does
so is a particule

and it has a wave length
that takes more or less time to reach
the souls of those who are still asleep
in darkness

so when the light hit them
it has taken time as much as the very souls were far
asleep in their darkness

so if now in that present world
we realise this
then somehow i felt
that very light is still there
and still spreading
as it spread at his birth

like stars in the universe
when you see a star light in the universe
is not an event happening now
is the star's light which has travelled billion years
to reach you so that you can only now see it

so what you see now
of the universe
are images of the past
which is beautifully amazing


so that light of spirit
like a wave length is still there
is just that before you could not see it
and is ever present as a wave length
though it has happened in the past as a particule

Sci fi

Weirdo and funny vision
but still very true

i saw myself being scanned
especially the brain
was like surrounded by scientists
they were only interested by scanning the brain

was very real
lol
i freaked out a bit

then,
the guys sitting on their computers
checking the result of the scan
were amazed
i wished i could see what they were saying

and when i looked at their screen
which was showing
the result of my brain scan
i was only seeing rays of light
coming out of it
and reflecting on their face

and it was said
that as the kundalini opens more petals
it manifests itself as light
the very petals opening
let light flows out

so that showed what was happening
in my brain

as for the weirdo scientists stuff
the subconscious uses this as symbol
to show that my own mind
is "investigating" about signs of the kundalini's work

i.e the light of the spirit..iluminating the brain..or consciousness

so the scientists present in the vision
are symbols for the experimental factors
or the examining mind, seeking proof of God.

Leaf speaking

this morning
i was sleeping
and heard my inner voice
who said to me

when you hear even a leaf
speaking to you
listen to it

then i woke up

i liked it.

Hearing my own inner voice

 

 

Tonight as i was sleeping

i saw space

i saw a star

a zoom in on its surface

and could see a few impacts on it

and its relief in great details

i could have touched it really

was very real

then i was shown all the phases

of a moon

put in a chronologic frieze

i loved that

the voice was about to show

the "deep universe"

but somehow i forgot

or started to wake up

but i remembered the voice said

few and even fewer people take interest

in learning about the stars and universe

symbolically

 

truly meaning, 

that very few people got that about the universe

because very few really cultivate themselves

or cultivate the Tree of Life.

the images were very real

as i could see the relief, thickness

and fineness of the details on the star.

so was definitely an out of body experience.

and yes i got that vision

because i had asked a question to my spirit

before sleeping

lol i forgot what question i asked

but is the third time

i am testing my sincerity

in asking

and is third time in a row

the spirit does answer

so i feel happy

so is good 

if it is in a row

it means it starts "establishing" itself

i just have to continue with my practice

as a good girl! lol

after i woke up to meditate

during the end of my meditation

i heard my own voice telling me

what to start eating to counter the hair loss

it came so naturally

that on the spot i was not surprised

after meditation

i checked on internet

and it was true!

 

was my own inner voice

which said to drink early morning

before eating any thing else

brussel sprouts water

so guys 

i tell you 

i hardly ever ate them

may be once in my life

and never ended the plate lol

ok i will it 

is precious

is from my own spirit 

and i KNOW it will work

and i checked on internet

is very much full of folic acid and vitamin B

really good for hair 

and when i was about to sleep

i had my own inner voice saying

"i adore you"

 

that surprised me 

to have heard it

and even more to hear that

but i felt happy that now i can hear more often

my inner voice

 

kiss

Summer Days In Bloom

Today
as i was seeing the landscape

it was an evidence to me
that the Extension of the Earth
of its compassion to us

were the flowers i was seeing
the fruits it was giving and riping
the animals it was breeding
to nourish us

and then it struck me
likewise i am the extension of the Earth
a living extension of it
a very developped and refined extension of it
as a human being
even more as a human being who realises it

and then it occurs to me
by looking at the sky above
that Father in Heaven
Hollowed be thy name :)))

its extension
was the Earth...
for it made rain falls on it
and sun warms it
imagine how temperature was cold
high in altitude last summer time
where there was just no sun
all covered by clouds just for ONE SINGLE day

so much powerful sun is
it warms the soil
for our feet
ah soo good to walk on a warmed up
ground

so the Heavenly Father Sky's
extension is the Mother Earth
which is also nourished by It
so is the very manifestation
of Its Power

for to manifest a power
you have to show it in action
and Sky active power
is put in action
when it can nourish this earth

so the Earth
being the Sky extension

is so beautiful
seen like this

ultimately
there is indeed only One Source
One God

and the manifestation realm
sky
earth
and all it contains
is a manifestation of Its Power
in action.

Talking to stars

i went in retreat for a few days
fasting on water only for a few days
it cleanses toxins out of body
and you smell it! hahaha

more importantly
it opens up more your chi channels
coupled with meditation is enormous.

i meditated so diligently
early morning
and 5 times a day everyday
about 20 min each time

with some period of
more intensive meditation
but that is for another post

only these past 3 days
i failed to get up in the morning
incredibly enough
no alarm worked

i put 5 alarms today
none of it was heard!
lol
had i put a loudspeak attached to it
i am pretty sure i wouldn't be bothered! :)))

anyway
yesterday as i was missing time of morning meditation
in dream and then in real
i felt my mouth filled with strong scent
so i woke up

and today i saw a starry vision
where the spirit as a teacher
told me

showing me a bunch of stars up in the sky
a constellation
and it said to me
as i missed three morning meditation

(missed meaning not woke up at same time
to meditate. for once up i always catch up and meditate)

i am going far away
indeed i was seeing the constellation
drifting further into the deep universe
woa splendid
plus innerly i was nostalgic
of seeing stars talking to me

:) and today it happened

and  then
the spirit said
yet,
look at the stars in that constellation
see?
they shine even more brightly
because you have kept the good intent
to wake up same time and meditate

so that i could see myself
in the allegory of constellation up high
and stars by their presence
were like a talk
a language by themselves to me

you know why
this is not for nothing
that it is said
that everything in creation
speaks to you
or that everything is a sign
or everthing has its way of talking
or creation has its secrets that it shares with you

is because it is you

is because somehow
when you know you are the spirit light inside
and that light starts extending
de facto
light extending outside
englobes in itself what in its way is
be it stars
or a flower
and when you look at them
with your own emating spirit light
which touches them
englobing them
you become one with them
in this shield ?
you are connected to them
like in maths
you connects two dots
and it makes a line
and a phone call only needs a line
for communication to be establised, neh?

i feel is so
considering it
we live such a boring life! lol
for there is so much more to it
so much more new stuff
new things to discover and talk to :)))

anyway
i love stars
even more hearing star talk

kiss:x

some famous writer had said :

"if you aim for the moon
but fail it
you will fall in the stars"

so keep trying!
lol
not that bad to fall in the stars :)))

but again
if you try hard
and fail 1000 times
only 1 time succeeding is needed

and my eyes opened up
when i was told
"such is the grace of God"

and i said to myself
yes!

Grace of God
is when you try 1000 times and fail
and YET
God in His extensive Grace
only requires you to succeed ONE TIME
:)
once you do
that only one time is enough
for you to gain enlightenment

hahahaha
and we are so febrile
we have hard time
to even succeed one time!

kisssi :x:x:x

I heard the silence

:)
i said this when i heard silence in my head
all of a sudden while i was working

i was working
and all of the sudden
i heard silence in my head
and i knew on the spot
i had to stop doing what i was busy with

and look around
for something special sent by the spirit
was coming in my way :)

hehehe
there was no sign of it
just the silence in my head

and when i said it outloud
out of joy
and it was heard
i feel so happy inside
and i was told

"so you heard me in your mind?"

ah is so heart melting to hear that...

plus,
when i said it outloud
i was told
"I heard silence..incredible beautiful expression ..."

:)
i heard silence today
because is rare to hear silence
but when you hear silence
you hear its content
somehow
and you hear its promise

... i heard the silence :)

kiss:x