Truly is a wondrous state of affair
while seeking truth
i knew not
but i was testing the truth of my own beliefs
i was seeking to validate the truth of my beliefs
but all along i thought
i am seeking something new, apart from my current beliefs
thinking, somehow
that some more beautiful and accurate new beliefs
would be gained to perfect the current ones
or my current beliefs were right
but just wanting in deepness
in a way it meant
i thought that my current beliefs were perfect
just not completed
but in truth
seeking means while wearing the clothes
to pass through the fire
and if the fire burns your clothes
than your clothes are not pure
like in hadith.of fatimah.
she is the only one that crosses the path
and the fire burns Her not.
yet, as the clothes i was wearing
where my only shelter
once they were burned
i had no others
indeed
in dream i saw and felt it for real
that i was walking on a path
and the clothes i was wearing got all burned
and there was Abraham on the path
now i know
Abraham represents the religion of fitrah
of the true nature
Then We inspired you: 'Follow the religion of Ibrahim, the upright in Faith'.
upright?
means the straight, upright path
which is ONLY the path of the kundalini
arising in the central channel of our subtle system
while the two other paths
of right and left channels
of action and devotions
are not straight
but their combination
are to be submitted
to the test of the purification
by the fire
so i had lost hope
that i could find truth
as the clothes were my path
and once the path is burned
how can you thread further?
that's the end of your journey
really.
but then,
in the midst of that undeniable reality
that i was pathless
my path being to find truth
i was in anguish
while
it meant simply
as an answer to my seeking:
there is no path to seek the truth
as you are the truth
but how can a corrupt mind
could accept that?
a mind used to slavery of an imaginary path
even though this one was burned
could not overnight evolve
and see itself being the path
how could it?
how could it recognises himself
despite all the pointers?
like of that dream i had
showing me
and me feeling it so deeply
that a new self of mine emerged
from the current sad one
and this ever present self in me
was pure joy, light and brightly shining
like sun
that that joy is my true nature ?
how could i have accepted that ?
how could a blind see itself
even if he is told that he is the one that matters,
and the one that is?
because so far my self
has never brought me that blissful joy
so how could i believe that?
well it had not brought it
because i had never believed it
but was believing in some exterior source of joy
so now that i had failed
i was angry at this joyful self of mine
saying to me 'it is ME'
holding this glorious joyous self of mine
responsible
for if it was ever present in me
as it was showing me
so why had i not experienced it so far
but only sorrow then?
because all along
this shining joyous self
could not go against my belief
to seek for an exterior source
how could it?
as i had done a choice
a choice means you pick up something
and get tested for it
while the thing you pick up not
is silenced
so now
that i knew this inner joyous self
is there
i mixed up everything
i thought if it was there
then i should not have been in such a sorrowful state
while the right experience and conclusion
i should have come to :
it was there
but i chose to seek something outside
i sought it
it got tested
my belief failed the test of truth
i was in pain
therefore i should have chosen the inner true self
which true nature is joy.
instead,
i argued :
if my joyous self was ever present in me
then i hold it responsible
becausean ever present truth
don't let falsehood be.
but i forgot
that rule of game
was my free will :
i had chosen to discard It
not willingly
but because i remembered It NOT!
and not chosing something,
is STILL a CHOICE
hence why the quran says
"Remember"!
why sufi do the "zikr= remembrance of God"
and to be honest to free will
one should act like an honest scientific
is like finding the "unknown" in the equation...
(like how to remember
that you have to remember something?
is just the first difficulty
and the second one
is once you know you have to remember
you know NOT WHAT.)
...choose an hypothesis
test it with your life
and once failed
admit that your choice was wrong
and when the answer is given
accept it
and don't rebel to ask account
to an ever present truth of not
having manifested its true nature
how could it?
had this very truth in me manifested itself
while my inner choice was wrong
i would have believed that my choice/hypothesis was thus the right one...
(and this is why NEVER EVER a religious follower
can prove his religion is the right one
it will NEVER EVER get any DEFINITIVE sign from God
for God divides NOT, it UNITES as it is already ONE)
and the effect of it
would have been my destruction
because i would have with full force
implemented my beliefs while they were unapplicable
and certainly when you push the wrong buttons of a machine
the machine is destroyed
this is why
when truth manifests itself not
is also for our own good
even though it may contains great sorrow for us
because this very Truth
silently wait in us
in a corner :)
that we accept to let go
so that in its silence
it may walk to us
and manifest itself as it IS.
.........
so while in great sorrow
of having lost my path
i was standing at the door entry of my garden
it was summer time
and i could see flowers having blossomed
green grass
and trees bearing fruits and green luxurious leaves
and sun shining over them
still, observing this
and yet being in full anguish
of having no more path to seek truth
and thus with no more reason to live
i wondered
how if God who was ever Present
could in the sameparcel
gather a spot upon which sun was shining
within it a garden of life blooming
while me who was standing in the same parcel
i was not experiencing same richness with my inner garden?
nor could feel any sun shining on me
how could it be
that on the same parcel
blessed life was blooming
while i was receiving not such blessings
of divine attention
that was such an accute pain
for around me
everyone was living their own life
with their own path
but i was pathless
and knew not how to go on living
now i know
it is because they were still
in the illusion of having a path
and fulfilling it
while having not set the intention to test it
while i had tested that my path
existed not
but i was not understanding
that it was not a punishment
but that without knowing it
i had sought to test it
without knowing i was doing that
and it got tested
my illusory path and life
got tested
and they passed not the test
one may think is a failure
when our path fail test of truth,
isn't it?
but no
it was the biggest achievement
ever
by not passing the test
only then
i could give it up
not by will
but by the reality of the test itself
which burned it
result was
that my path got burned
and there was no path
but by then
my difficulty was
how to go on living
if there is no path
then how could i grow
and go on with life
for i needed to SEE a PATH
it is only
when the sun started
shining on me too
that i saw my garden blossoming too
that i realised
that i was the path
no belief
ever
can be the path
only the actual you
IS.
it is when i started to feel
the holy spirit within
--within without
