oh!
today was my 40th day of intensive meditation
... well i ended up not waking up.
lol:)))
it passed really quickly
ok let's go on now with more inner devotion
is next step :
intensive meditation
with more inner devotion.
today i have seen my meditation friends
after long time
they reminded me that already 2months had elapsed!
i can't believe it i thought it was not EVEN a month.
so much time flew lightly for me.
my first impression when i was in the group
was that i felt different.
yes the people are our mirror
and without them you cannot see yourself / experience yourself
well,
my impression was that i felt SO MUCH MORE grounded than all surrounding me
and when out of blue someone asked to make a commentary
which i could have refused out of shyness of the unexpected way it was asked,
well i found myself so grounded and IN while commenting on the spot.
this astonished myself
and during the day too
when i met complete strangers in the streets
i found them smiling and talking to me as if we knew each other
which is totally brand new
i even saw myself
having more self confidence
where does it come from?
lol i won't recognise myself
and yet i do feel yes, i do feel more aligned with my true self
yes this is the word
i would say i do and say what i should do and say on the right time.
there is no second guessing
inwardly questioning should i or not
that just flows out by itself and lead me to follow it.
i love it really.
life is easier lol
second, the awareness
i surprised myself of pinpointing awareness in PRACTICAL way
what i mean
is before i would KNOW that awareness is a state to be reached
but i would NOT know its place and how it adjust itself and BENEFIT in life
well flash news today it did!
i realised
that awareness is having the solution RIGHT ON THE SPOT
when we need it
yes! indeed
how could you be aware?
what does it mean?
is to be aware........................................of..........................solution.
of your surrounding and THUS of the solution.
only a practical example
i did not wish to eat dessert,
so not to spoil it, i asked it to be packed instead
and lol i get to packed for me
i wondered what i was gonna do with two portions of that.
anyway,
i was in the metro
and a beggar entered
yes i feel sad for the beggars
there are so many now and of all ages
imagine so young and others who are so ashamed that they become red faced
while they should retire, they are begging
yes, when i will be rich
i will take care of them
you can be SURE of that
and i feel crying from happiness
to know i will
of course, there should be a fruitful method to do it
but this is priority number one as project.
so, as the beggar asked anything
even a piece of bread
i was saying to myself i have no bread
lol imagine how the mind is close minded
then when i watched my bag,
i became aware that i do have desserts packed
and here was his dessert
when you think of it
i feel really becoming soft hearted
when i thought back
how i was packing something for him
without knowing it was for him.
isn't it beautiful?
you act out of faith
while not knowing why
and after you see it is true/it has a very definite purpose.
of course, later i realised i had also money in pocket
but THIS i did not get aware of it!
see?
this is i think how one can test one's awareness
by seeing
to which extent we find the right solution (word, deed, act...),
ON THE SPOT.
so, definitely,
i am happy to have done this retreat,
it has saved my progress in meditation
a bit more and i would have become meaningless to myself.
to become meaningful to oneself
one should just be able to enjoy the present right?
and this is also why we get angry, because we see no solution
and we try to enforce solution on/from others
but it starts with ourselves first.
then, whether others follow or not
it is their choice
at least you are yourself
and are in joy when you discover such things
good night
kiss:x
ps : i just finished writing the blog, and it smells rose perfume!
ah am so happy
i should hug myself
good girl
hahaha
oki i stop it
good night
